Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Because He Deserves This



In this life, if we are lucky enough, we get to love and be loved by wonderful people. I am that lucky.

This blog is severely overdue. I have wanted to write it for a while, but keep getting distracted in life. This is a problem for me. I think about something important that I want to do/should do and instead of following through and getting it done, I get distracted with something not as important. Now the time is here. And even now, looking at this blog, all the words I write are not enough to encapsulate the joy and happiness and just “he’s a good person” this man brings into the world. 

There is a man in my life who is the best thing that has happened to me. He personifies wonderful on every level. He doesn’t know I’m writing this. I don’t know if he’ll ever read it. But the truth is, he is deserving of this praise on a public level. He deserves all good on every level.

We have all heard the poetic expression that the eyes are the window to the soul. I didn’t really believe it. I have seen too many eyes that lie. His don’t. His eyes hold every emotion he’s thinking. When he looks at me I can see who he is. I can see the pain. I can see the joy. I can see love for me like I have never seen before. An open and accepting love that trumps anything I’ve ever had. His eyes are a gorgeous brown, a soft and inviting brown, that make you want to lose yourself in their secrets. I have never met someone in whose eyes I want to spend my life. I have found that in him. 

He is the most passionate person I have ever met. He has passion for theater like no one else I know and he will fight to the death to keep his passion alive. He works hard for everything he has and everything he wants. I have never seen him take a short cut or under cut something. He has goals and dreams that are life-altering and huge and in the same breath he will tell you the realities in life are important and can’t be ignored. He is able to balance the drive and passion of an artist with the logic and focus of an accountant. It’s a gift I envy and admire. There is a lot he can teach this world. I hope he does.

His body is strong and powerful. When you wrap your fingers around his biceps, the tips don’t meet. His shoulders are strong with the ability to carry the weight of his life as well as the concerns of his family and friends. I love sitting next to him on the train, sliding my hand over his shoulders and back, feeling his strong muscles relax under my touch. His torso holds such power and I have seen him wield that power on several occasions, much to the detriment of a bus stop. His stride is confident and sure, with the character of a man who is aware of who he is. When he walks into a room you want to be next to him, feel him, know him. There are few places in this world I feel safe. There are few places I fully relax and just exist. Wrapped in his arms is the top of that list.

He has self confidence I admire. He has self-assuredness and esteem I wish for all the people in my life. I love his body for everything that it is: my ideal body holding my ideal man.

This man is funny and making him laugh is one of my great joys. The boisterous laugh that comes from deep in his soul, because he does everything from his soul. This man is smart. I am not afraid to ask him a question because I know he will not look down on me for not knowing. He understands that we are all always learning. When he doesn’t know the answer, we go find it together. He is constantly teaching me. This man has the incredible mind of a steel trap, able to quote movies and books at the mere suggestion of needing inspiration. If you can’t find the words for something, he will. 

He is a brilliant writer. His writing leaves me breathless and always wanting to read more. Then he reads them to me. There is nothing more wonderful than hearing beautiful writing being read out loud to you by the author in a melodic voice that can calm a polar bear. I consider myself among the lucky ones to have sat next to him as he reads story after story to me. When he asks if I want to hear something he’s written, there is no hesitation in my reply. I always want to say, “yes”.

I want to say “yes” to him all the time. Take a trip? Yes. Watch a movie? Yes. Go into a book store we just discovered? Yes. Grab a cider? Yes. Go for a walk along the canals? Yes. He is the reason I enjoy life. He is the person who has stopped me from my vicious cycle of destruction and shown me life is good and once I peel away the damaged parts of me, accept them and let them go for good, this life is a gorgeous piece of shit that can be enjoyed and appreciated.

This man is one of my best friends in the world and I will miss him terribly when September comes and we part. Although I know I will see him again. I have to. 

This man has changed my life. It’s not hyperbolistic to say he has changed me.  And every breath I breathe, for the rest of it, will be with him beside me. 

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