- My morning run with Kiersten. It is so wonderful to wake up and run and have that time with her! We did stride work at the Burbank HS track and it was awesome to push us hard. She is such an awesome friend and is really pushing herself with this training. I know it’s not easy on her, but I admire how hard she’s working and I am so excited to cross that finish line with her in a month.
- Hulu.com and streaming Netflix on my iPhone- I would NOT be able to be at work for 9 hours if I didn’t have these two outlets into the entertainment world. I watched four episodes of Hoarders today. That show made me very ready to go home and start unpacking.
- I’m thankful to have a job to come to every day that pays me. It’s a safe place, pay is alright and the people like me. I need to start smiling here more.
- Leaving work to attend the MBA information meeting at Chapman. Was headed off by some awful traffic so I ended up going home and getting an early start on unpacking.
- Finding a parking spot close to my house. I know I can park on the driveway with the other cars, but it’s so hard to get in and out of there, I usually like to park on the street. Finding a spot so close was awesome!
- Got home and felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do so I decided to go get some groceries for dinner. I went for a walk to see which store was close. The sun was just setting and it was a gorgeous night. Perfect temperature for a walk. I looked around and smiled at the neighbors and thought how nice it would be to throw a block party and get everyone to know each other. I want to feel safe where I live and I know the only way to do that is to know the people around me.
- Walking through the True Value grocery store and seeing great deals on produce. It’s a primarily Latino market and the produce was cheaper than Ralph’s. Perfect for juicing! And it’s so close I can go twice a week if I need. I walked through the store trying to find something to eat that was ready-made. I don’t have pots or pans yet or a microwave so I had to buy something I could just make a meal out of. I’m also trying to eat as healthy as possible so that means no cheese, processed meats or preservatives. (So my stand-by meal of salami and cheese was gone.) Plus it is a Latino store so their deli section left a lot to be desired and I didn’t recognize a lot of what was on the shelves. A fun experiment for my future cooking adventures, but not so fun when all that’s needed is a quick meal. I went to the liquor section, thinking maybe I’d just have a beer and eat tomorrow. Nope- beer was more expensive than an entire chicken. So then I thought about wine, but realized I don’t have a wine opener. So champagne? Sure, except I knew I wouldn’t (or rather shouldn’t) finish an entire bottle in one night. So I went back to the grocery hunting.
- Leaving the grocery store with a box of Cheerios and a gallon of soy milk.
- Getting home and realizing that not only do I not have a bowl to eat the cereal out of, I also don’t have a spoon. So my first meal in my new place was a glassful of soymilk and dry cheerios.
- Working on my handbell songs without worrying about waking up anyone or disturbing anyone. I’m sure it sounded funny to the neighbors. But no less annoying that gospel at full volume at 8:30 on a Sunday morning.
- Unpacking two boxes of books and three bags of clothing, putting up my laundry basket and hanging up some clothes. It’s a slow process but I will soon have a finished apartment.
- Falling asleep early and getting a full 8 hours in before the alarm clock went off at 5:30 for the next day’s beginning.
Not the most eventful day in my life. But it was a good day, a safe day and a day filled with baby steps towards my future. That’s all we can ask from some days.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
What made me happy Thursday 9 Sept 2010
- Mixed Company call-backs. This is the 8th season I will work with MixedCo and I can remember the first time I auditioned for them. I didn’t make it. The man I was dating at the time was really good friends with Randy and thought I would enjoy the work and would be good for the company. I was 22 and thought I was a perfect fit as well. I sang, went to call backs, chatted with Randy and was certain I was going to be singing Christmas carols that year. I didn’t get the call that Friday. I didn’t ask Randy why. I didn’t ask Steve to ask him for me. I figured it wasn’t my time to be with the group and I would audition the following year. I did, I went to call backs and in 2002 I started singing with MixedCo. It was the season that would change my life. A lot has happened in the past 8 years, I’ve left the group and come back to it, and I love it every year. Every season is a new challenge and a new chance for me to add to my bag of entertainment tricks. The friends I make through MixedCo continue to inspire me and change my life. I consider myself blessed to get to work with such wonderful people and learn from them throughout the Christmas season.
- Singing. There is nothing in the world I enjoy more than singing. Singing with people, singing alone…..it doesn’t matter. I love to sing. I love to tell stories through music. I love to make people laugh, make people think and make people cry. I would do it for free. I would do it for millions. I just want to sing. And, I have to say, standing next to Becca and meshing voices with her again felt like coming home. Like a sweater you pull out in the fall and put it on only to realize it still fits and is surprisingly more comfortable than the last time you wore it. I love my soprano.
- Hearing a song I arranged being sung by a quartet. We didn’t have bells and it was thrown together in 5 minutes, but hearing the notes I put on paper be sung by someone- well that was pretty special. I am so excited to hear the song in all its glory this season.
- Getting a free cup of coffee at the coffee bar at work.
- Watching four episodes of “The Office” and laughing while I sat in my own version of a sitcom.
- Something didn’t make me happy- but it made me laugh at yet another sign that the universe will give you what you want. I don’t know how well The Secret works in people’s lives, but every once in a while I see it come to such powerful fruition it knocks me out. For example, in 1999 I was doing a show at Moonlight down in Vista and was driving back to Fullerton every week for work and school. During one of the drives, around 11p at night after the show, I thought to myself “I’m really lucky to never have been stuck on the side of the road.” Ha! Literally ten minutes later my tire popped and I was stuck on the side of the road. If it hadn’t happened to me I wouldn’t believe it. Come to present day. Every day this week I have heated up my frozen meal and thought to myself, as I pulled the plastic wrap off the top, “wouldn’t it suck if I pulled the plastic off and dropped the plate?” I thought this EVERY DAY this week, thankful I wasn’t dropping my food. Guess what I did? I pulled the plastic off the top and dropped the plate of food all over the kitchen floor. I don’t know if that’s what they meant by The Secret, but apparently thinking things does make them come true.
- Watering the plants at Claudia’s house. Being around so much green made me really excited to have plants of my own and get ready for the patio I now get to call my own.
- Sleeping in my own place. I didn’t really sleep, between the outside noise and the lack of time between bedtime and wake up to run time, and the worry I was going to get burgled because there was no one around. But I was in my own bed and sleeping totally alone in the world.
- Eating at BJs with some people from MixedCo. Spent more than I should have and ate more than I should have. But it was really nice to have several hours just to hang out with my friends and laugh.
- Words with Friends is behaving itself again.
- $.99 coffee and a donut from 7-eleven. Not good for my bank account or my waistline, but a pink donut with sprinkle makes me smile.
- And, as always, the health and happiness of my family and friends. I am so lucky to be surrounded by people who love me and who work hard to make sure I know they care for me. It is a good feeling to know there are people in the world who want you around and like that you exist.
- Singing. There is nothing in the world I enjoy more than singing. Singing with people, singing alone…..it doesn’t matter. I love to sing. I love to tell stories through music. I love to make people laugh, make people think and make people cry. I would do it for free. I would do it for millions. I just want to sing. And, I have to say, standing next to Becca and meshing voices with her again felt like coming home. Like a sweater you pull out in the fall and put it on only to realize it still fits and is surprisingly more comfortable than the last time you wore it. I love my soprano.
- Hearing a song I arranged being sung by a quartet. We didn’t have bells and it was thrown together in 5 minutes, but hearing the notes I put on paper be sung by someone- well that was pretty special. I am so excited to hear the song in all its glory this season.
- Getting a free cup of coffee at the coffee bar at work.
- Watching four episodes of “The Office” and laughing while I sat in my own version of a sitcom.
- Something didn’t make me happy- but it made me laugh at yet another sign that the universe will give you what you want. I don’t know how well The Secret works in people’s lives, but every once in a while I see it come to such powerful fruition it knocks me out. For example, in 1999 I was doing a show at Moonlight down in Vista and was driving back to Fullerton every week for work and school. During one of the drives, around 11p at night after the show, I thought to myself “I’m really lucky to never have been stuck on the side of the road.” Ha! Literally ten minutes later my tire popped and I was stuck on the side of the road. If it hadn’t happened to me I wouldn’t believe it. Come to present day. Every day this week I have heated up my frozen meal and thought to myself, as I pulled the plastic wrap off the top, “wouldn’t it suck if I pulled the plastic off and dropped the plate?” I thought this EVERY DAY this week, thankful I wasn’t dropping my food. Guess what I did? I pulled the plastic off the top and dropped the plate of food all over the kitchen floor. I don’t know if that’s what they meant by The Secret, but apparently thinking things does make them come true.
- Watering the plants at Claudia’s house. Being around so much green made me really excited to have plants of my own and get ready for the patio I now get to call my own.
- Sleeping in my own place. I didn’t really sleep, between the outside noise and the lack of time between bedtime and wake up to run time, and the worry I was going to get burgled because there was no one around. But I was in my own bed and sleeping totally alone in the world.
- Eating at BJs with some people from MixedCo. Spent more than I should have and ate more than I should have. But it was really nice to have several hours just to hang out with my friends and laugh.
- Words with Friends is behaving itself again.
- $.99 coffee and a donut from 7-eleven. Not good for my bank account or my waistline, but a pink donut with sprinkle makes me smile.
- And, as always, the health and happiness of my family and friends. I am so lucky to be surrounded by people who love me and who work hard to make sure I know they care for me. It is a good feeling to know there are people in the world who want you around and like that you exist.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
What made me happy 7 Sept 2010
Things that made me happy Tuesday 7 Sept 2010
- Running with Kiersten in the morning. I love getting up and getting out and doing something. Having such a good friend who will come that early and do it with me, well that’s just a blessing I’m not sure I’m worth. It is a gift of time to have an hour with my best friend, just her and I talking and being girls and figuring life out.
- Having a job to come to. I know I am lucky to be working. I am thankful of that every day. There are people all over the world who are hungry and want to work. I am very lucky to have a paycheck every two weeks and a safe place to work.
- Having hulu.com to watch while I sit at my desk.
- Having good people to work with. I don’t hate anyone here. I hate being here, but at least the people are nice and not too crazy.
- Having the $2 for coffee and a donut.
- Going to rehearsal and getting to be creative, even if only for a little time. This show is an interesting experience for me, something I am very lucky to be doing. Every time I do a show I learn something and Smokey’ Joe’s Café is no different. I am not a “soul-full” singer (I’m much more comfortable singing a standard at a piano) and playing Patty is allowing me to become freer with my voice and body. It is interesting to be inside my head during this process. (Most people would say it’s interesting to be inside my head any time I do anything. Can we say tangent?) I want to know why I do things, why I feel things, why I have so many hang ups. Why don’t I feel sexy and comfortable in my skin? Why aren’t I embracing the passion that comes with needing to just riff and wail and let it out? I know that I am going to grow as an artist doing this show. And I’m excited to see where I end up.
- Having amazing friends and family in my life to keep a smile on my face and lightness in my heart.
My life is good. Not ideal and not where I thought I’d be. I want so much more from my life than I have. But hopefully these daily affirmations of the good will keep reminding me of the good. And sending out what I want will bring it to me.
- I will have a better paying job with higher responsibility and more stature.
- I will book a cruise ship as a singer/performer and travel around the world before I come home for good.
- I will unpack and have a studio that will remain clean and uncluttered and inviting for the good in the world.
- I will be health, happy and successful in this life.
- Running with Kiersten in the morning. I love getting up and getting out and doing something. Having such a good friend who will come that early and do it with me, well that’s just a blessing I’m not sure I’m worth. It is a gift of time to have an hour with my best friend, just her and I talking and being girls and figuring life out.
- Having a job to come to. I know I am lucky to be working. I am thankful of that every day. There are people all over the world who are hungry and want to work. I am very lucky to have a paycheck every two weeks and a safe place to work.
- Having hulu.com to watch while I sit at my desk.
- Having good people to work with. I don’t hate anyone here. I hate being here, but at least the people are nice and not too crazy.
- Having the $2 for coffee and a donut.
- Going to rehearsal and getting to be creative, even if only for a little time. This show is an interesting experience for me, something I am very lucky to be doing. Every time I do a show I learn something and Smokey’ Joe’s Café is no different. I am not a “soul-full” singer (I’m much more comfortable singing a standard at a piano) and playing Patty is allowing me to become freer with my voice and body. It is interesting to be inside my head during this process. (Most people would say it’s interesting to be inside my head any time I do anything. Can we say tangent?) I want to know why I do things, why I feel things, why I have so many hang ups. Why don’t I feel sexy and comfortable in my skin? Why aren’t I embracing the passion that comes with needing to just riff and wail and let it out? I know that I am going to grow as an artist doing this show. And I’m excited to see where I end up.
- Having amazing friends and family in my life to keep a smile on my face and lightness in my heart.
My life is good. Not ideal and not where I thought I’d be. I want so much more from my life than I have. But hopefully these daily affirmations of the good will keep reminding me of the good. And sending out what I want will bring it to me.
- I will have a better paying job with higher responsibility and more stature.
- I will book a cruise ship as a singer/performer and travel around the world before I come home for good.
- I will unpack and have a studio that will remain clean and uncluttered and inviting for the good in the world.
- I will be health, happy and successful in this life.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Soft Good Log Days 1 & 2
Yesterday I got a temporary crown put on my top left molar. That makes a total of 2 temps, one on each side of my mouth. Instructions while wearing temporary crowns include no eating anything crunchy (popcorn, chips, raw veggies, nuts), no eating anything hard, no eating anything chewy (taffy, gum, gummies, licorice, etc) and nothing I think will pull the temporary off. Being an extremist about things, I decided to go totally soft foods- no chewing at all. Plus it’s easier for me to just go all out. I’m not good with moderation. The pain of the procedure might also have something to do with it. My mouth still hurts from Friday’s visit and when I attempted chewing soft cheese on one of the sides I flinched in pain. So no chewing it is.
I thought to myself, lying there in pain, drooling and waiting for the mold to set, “What a great time to lose these extra stubborn lbs and I’ll blog about it!” It’s only two weeks and I’m sure I’m not the only one in the world who has had to live like this. So for the next two weeks I will write every day and talk about the day, how I handled my routine with this huge change, what I ate, and how I’m feeling about it.
Yesterday (Monday) I left the dentist’s office feeling like I’d been hit by a bus. The entire left side of my face was numb with the Novocain and I was exhausted from sitting the chair for over 2 hours, cold and tense. Harry Potter is tge only thing that saved me. I went back to work and sat at my desk, fairly miserable for the rest of the day. I didn’t eat anything until around 2p, when I slurped down a yogurt and a hot (lukewarm) chocolate. By the time I got to my car to drive to rehearsal I was even more tired, and starving. My drive to rehearsal, which is 23 miles away, takes about an hour with mild traffic. (One more reason to get OUT of Los Angeles, but that’s a different story.) I usually make my dinner and eat it as I drive- a sandwich, veggies and dip, almonds and string cheese. Something to keep my mind busy while I sit stalled on the freeway. Yesterday I ate peanut butter. Small spoonful after small spoonful of organic creamy peanut butter. And it worked! I was full, wasn’t bored and didn’t hurt my teeth. At break during rehearsal I tried to eat some veggie soup. No luck. Even the softened veggies were too much to take on. I drank as much broth as possible and then dumped it. I knew I would have to head to the grocery store and rethink, and rebudget, my food for the week.
I went to Ralph’s on the way home. Thank goodness for 24 hour stores! I walked around the store, hungry, and kept having to pull myself away from anything I would have to chew. It's not an easy task. Nor a cheap one. I filled my cart with four large protein smoothies, 5 yogurts, 3 tubs of ready to eat mashed potatoes, tomato soup and frozen yogurt. $55 later, I was set at least for four days. Not a cheap diet to be on. I ate one of the yogurts in the parking lot before I left. It’s now midnight and going for 6 hours without eating is never a good idea. I got home and had a small serving of frozen yogurt to quench my still growling stomach and then went to sleep.
Day 2:
Woke up this morning and weighed myself. A healthy 164lbs. Too much for my frame, even considering the extra weight of toned muscles. Have to lose this belly so my already high risk of heart disease doesn’t get any worse. I had a smoothie for breakfast and then again for my snack. Things are actually going alright. I have 3 more hours of work to go and then rehearsal. I had a non-fat, plain greek yogurt with honey for lunch and a glass of V-8 low sodium veggie juice. I’ll have a hot chocolate and coffee at about 3p, some jello (I work at a hospital and jello is always available), the frosting off a cupcake at my good friends’ afternoon birthday celebration and then one of the mashed potato tubs to entertain me for the drive home. Not ideal meal, but it’s going to taste sooooo good.
Tonight I’m also going for a 45 minute run, so we’ll see how I feel after that. I’m taking my now veggie-less soup to eat as my snack during rehearsal and I still have the jar of peanut butter sitting in my passenger seat for the drive home. I’ll do swimmingly.
The goal for these two weeks:
- Not chew anything so my teeth have a fighting chance to heal and get ready for the permanent crowns
- Eat healthy and keep the low-no dairy and low-no sugar
- Watch how my body reacts to the no chewing diet. Is my tummy happier? Do I stay full longer? Do I have more bowel movements? Less?
- Lose at least a few pounds of honest to goodness weight, not water weight
- Not lose any friends or co-workers with my inability to maintain a conversation because all I want to do is chew on something
- Prove to the nay-sayers in my life that I CAN follow doctor orders and I will succeed in this
I’m always excited for new challenges and I LOVE a goal. Two weeks is totally doable. Even adding in training for my marathon and teching, then opening, a vocally difficult show, I know I can go these weeks without chewing anything.
Long live mashed potatoes and pudding!!
I thought to myself, lying there in pain, drooling and waiting for the mold to set, “What a great time to lose these extra stubborn lbs and I’ll blog about it!” It’s only two weeks and I’m sure I’m not the only one in the world who has had to live like this. So for the next two weeks I will write every day and talk about the day, how I handled my routine with this huge change, what I ate, and how I’m feeling about it.
Yesterday (Monday) I left the dentist’s office feeling like I’d been hit by a bus. The entire left side of my face was numb with the Novocain and I was exhausted from sitting the chair for over 2 hours, cold and tense. Harry Potter is tge only thing that saved me. I went back to work and sat at my desk, fairly miserable for the rest of the day. I didn’t eat anything until around 2p, when I slurped down a yogurt and a hot (lukewarm) chocolate. By the time I got to my car to drive to rehearsal I was even more tired, and starving. My drive to rehearsal, which is 23 miles away, takes about an hour with mild traffic. (One more reason to get OUT of Los Angeles, but that’s a different story.) I usually make my dinner and eat it as I drive- a sandwich, veggies and dip, almonds and string cheese. Something to keep my mind busy while I sit stalled on the freeway. Yesterday I ate peanut butter. Small spoonful after small spoonful of organic creamy peanut butter. And it worked! I was full, wasn’t bored and didn’t hurt my teeth. At break during rehearsal I tried to eat some veggie soup. No luck. Even the softened veggies were too much to take on. I drank as much broth as possible and then dumped it. I knew I would have to head to the grocery store and rethink, and rebudget, my food for the week.
I went to Ralph’s on the way home. Thank goodness for 24 hour stores! I walked around the store, hungry, and kept having to pull myself away from anything I would have to chew. It's not an easy task. Nor a cheap one. I filled my cart with four large protein smoothies, 5 yogurts, 3 tubs of ready to eat mashed potatoes, tomato soup and frozen yogurt. $55 later, I was set at least for four days. Not a cheap diet to be on. I ate one of the yogurts in the parking lot before I left. It’s now midnight and going for 6 hours without eating is never a good idea. I got home and had a small serving of frozen yogurt to quench my still growling stomach and then went to sleep.
Day 2:
Woke up this morning and weighed myself. A healthy 164lbs. Too much for my frame, even considering the extra weight of toned muscles. Have to lose this belly so my already high risk of heart disease doesn’t get any worse. I had a smoothie for breakfast and then again for my snack. Things are actually going alright. I have 3 more hours of work to go and then rehearsal. I had a non-fat, plain greek yogurt with honey for lunch and a glass of V-8 low sodium veggie juice. I’ll have a hot chocolate and coffee at about 3p, some jello (I work at a hospital and jello is always available), the frosting off a cupcake at my good friends’ afternoon birthday celebration and then one of the mashed potato tubs to entertain me for the drive home. Not ideal meal, but it’s going to taste sooooo good.
Tonight I’m also going for a 45 minute run, so we’ll see how I feel after that. I’m taking my now veggie-less soup to eat as my snack during rehearsal and I still have the jar of peanut butter sitting in my passenger seat for the drive home. I’ll do swimmingly.
The goal for these two weeks:
- Not chew anything so my teeth have a fighting chance to heal and get ready for the permanent crowns
- Eat healthy and keep the low-no dairy and low-no sugar
- Watch how my body reacts to the no chewing diet. Is my tummy happier? Do I stay full longer? Do I have more bowel movements? Less?
- Lose at least a few pounds of honest to goodness weight, not water weight
- Not lose any friends or co-workers with my inability to maintain a conversation because all I want to do is chew on something
- Prove to the nay-sayers in my life that I CAN follow doctor orders and I will succeed in this
I’m always excited for new challenges and I LOVE a goal. Two weeks is totally doable. Even adding in training for my marathon and teching, then opening, a vocally difficult show, I know I can go these weeks without chewing anything.
Long live mashed potatoes and pudding!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Biological what?
This weekend I went home and held the new baby. A lot. I also got to hang out with my 13-yr-old sister a lot. She continues to amaze me with her personality and her genuine niceness. She is a good girl. She's a good addition to this world. With everything she has been through (divorce, dad’s death, and drama with the step-sister) she continues to amaze me with her positive outlook on life, her love of people and her desire to do good in this world.
Between those two things (baby and teenager) I got a flash of desire I haven’t had before- to raise a good child. I saw myself as a mom in a house with a kid and a dog and family dinners and life lessons. I saw myself sitting in an audience at their graduation. I saw myself sitting in the pews at their wedding. I saw myself as a grandmother, making macaroni pictures and clay horse sculptures. I have never had those images flash through my mind before. And I have never been so at ease with the thought before.
In years past I have not wanted children for a number of reasons. I don’t believe in putting more stress onto our environment. That’s a big one. I always said I would adopt a baby when the time came. I didn’t want the pressure of being responsible for another life. I didn’t want the hard life of never knowing what was going to happen and worrying every second of my life. But mostly I didn’t want to have a child because I didn’t want to see the life I wanted to live be played out in another person’s life. I know that is selfish. It’s totally selfish. But it’s true. I want to go to college again. I want to have my first boyfriend and my first date and my first “promise ring” again. I want to have that freedom of the world being at my finger tips and I just need to go get it. I didn’t want to see someone else get the life I wanted.
Isn’t that just silly? Kids add to life. Families enrich life. My family is why I can’t seem to make up my mind what I want to do with my life. The bond I have to my family is what keeps me in California, keeps me close to home and keeps me driving up and down the state all year long. My family is what brings me to tears at night when I’m lying alone and questioning what the hell I’m doing. My family is also the support that I need to be able to go do what I want. The support I have when I feel like I have nothing. And growing that family, being closer to that family, is the most important thing to me.
So, the biological clock? The thing I thought was a myth and that I would be able to silence the call? Not so much. I feel the pull. I feel the desire to share my life with someone. I probably won’t have a child because of the reasons I stated before. I have a lot I want to do in this life. There is a whole world I want to see. I want my MFA and my MBA and a good job and a dog and a home. But the ticking is getting harder to silence as the years go by and I realize that time is running out. There’s no other way to think about that. And harder to silence as I realize that maybe the life I think I want will only be enhanced when I have someone to love so fully my heart explodes. Then I’ll help them pick out the best colleges and date the right people.
Between those two things (baby and teenager) I got a flash of desire I haven’t had before- to raise a good child. I saw myself as a mom in a house with a kid and a dog and family dinners and life lessons. I saw myself sitting in an audience at their graduation. I saw myself sitting in the pews at their wedding. I saw myself as a grandmother, making macaroni pictures and clay horse sculptures. I have never had those images flash through my mind before. And I have never been so at ease with the thought before.
In years past I have not wanted children for a number of reasons. I don’t believe in putting more stress onto our environment. That’s a big one. I always said I would adopt a baby when the time came. I didn’t want the pressure of being responsible for another life. I didn’t want the hard life of never knowing what was going to happen and worrying every second of my life. But mostly I didn’t want to have a child because I didn’t want to see the life I wanted to live be played out in another person’s life. I know that is selfish. It’s totally selfish. But it’s true. I want to go to college again. I want to have my first boyfriend and my first date and my first “promise ring” again. I want to have that freedom of the world being at my finger tips and I just need to go get it. I didn’t want to see someone else get the life I wanted.
Isn’t that just silly? Kids add to life. Families enrich life. My family is why I can’t seem to make up my mind what I want to do with my life. The bond I have to my family is what keeps me in California, keeps me close to home and keeps me driving up and down the state all year long. My family is what brings me to tears at night when I’m lying alone and questioning what the hell I’m doing. My family is also the support that I need to be able to go do what I want. The support I have when I feel like I have nothing. And growing that family, being closer to that family, is the most important thing to me.
So, the biological clock? The thing I thought was a myth and that I would be able to silence the call? Not so much. I feel the pull. I feel the desire to share my life with someone. I probably won’t have a child because of the reasons I stated before. I have a lot I want to do in this life. There is a whole world I want to see. I want my MFA and my MBA and a good job and a dog and a home. But the ticking is getting harder to silence as the years go by and I realize that time is running out. There’s no other way to think about that. And harder to silence as I realize that maybe the life I think I want will only be enhanced when I have someone to love so fully my heart explodes. Then I’ll help them pick out the best colleges and date the right people.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Closing of half the year
Tomorrow is July 1st, meaning today is the final day of June. It is also the final day of the 6th month, giving us 6 whole months of 2010 left. 181 days down, 184 days left. About halfway. In my years I have come to realize that the second half of the year goes significantly faster than the first half, meaning I don’t have much time left to celebrate the glory that is 2010.
In the first six months of this year I have received my certification for massage, performed in 2 plays (currently rehearsing for my third), paid off $7000 of my debt, taken three massage classes and am currently studying online in my marketing class. I have paid off my Greece trip (except airfare) and I have lost two inches around my waist. No weight loss, but inches lost. I consistently worked a 40+ hour week and kept myself out of trouble….for the most part. 2010 has been a wonderful year so far, as I continue to push myself to be better and do better. I am proud of what I have done and the path that I am on to do more.
As my good friend Jess says- I am being proactive and I am working toward something.
Here are what my 2010 New Years Resolutions are and let’s see if I have kept to them.
- No fast food.
o I have stuck to this. I have not been to a drive through or eaten food from any fast food chain. I have eaten crap- don’t get me wrong. But no McD’s, Taco Bell, Del Taco, Burger King, etc. This is a resolution I am so happy I did and I am so proud that I have stuck to. I feel good and I now know that it is possible to live without fast food. For those people out there who say “I could never” listen to this- YES YOU CAN! There are thousands of options that don’t include genetically modified food that comes from a freezer. You can do it!
- Watch a new movie every week
o I have kind of done this. I get Netflix every month and unlimited watching on the computer. I also go to the library and get movies to watch at home. Add all that in and I have watched a new movie every week. Some better than others and some I wish I hadn’t wasted the 45 minutes on. Because that’s what a movie gets from me. You have 45 minutes to interest me. If I feel compelled to turn the movie off, I will. Usually I don’t but having this “rule” allows me to not feel bad when a movie is just horrible!
- Hit the gym 5 times a week.
o I have done this as well as I can. The resolution should have been “Work out 5 times a week” because I have done that. When I did the boot camp, I didn’t go to the gym, but I did work out. Doing The Follies I don’t go to the gym but I do work out, including a 30 min stretch and warm up before every show. So giving those parameters, I have kept this resolution.
- One letter mailed every week
o I have not kept up with this one. I don’t think I have even written more than 10 letters this whole six months. And I don’t like that about myself. I want to be more interactive with the people in my life. On the one hand, I am because facebook allows me to keep up with so many people at all hours of the day. On the other hand, that’s not a hand written letter to someone, giving them my full attention. I can do better.
The resolutions are going strong and I will continue with them. I will not eat fast food, continue to watch movies weekly, continue to work out 5x a week and I will write one letter a week and mail it out.
Here are the goals I wrote down for 2010
- Pay off entire debt
- Repay myself for Massage School costs
- Book a ship dancing or singing
- Apply for MFA (Nov)
- Book continuous shows
- Edit movie reel
- Get new headshots
- Record MTones Christmas album
- Record own Christmas album
- Apply for a Grammy
- Write lounge act for Vegas/cabaret
- Get down to 145lbs
- Get a dog and start training for agility trials
Those are great goals. And some of them I have attained. I have booked continuous shows since the first of the year, I am working my ass off to pay down my debt and get down to 145 lbs. I am going to keep these goals because I believe they are all still attainable. And I am going to add a few more now that I see where I am in the year.
- Raise $3000 through ALM for American Heart Association during the Long Beach 1/2 Marathon in October (www.actinglikemarathoners.webs.com)
- Finish Greece marathon in under 5:15
- Blog five times a week on both my blogs
- Get an A in my summer marketing class and an A average in my 4 classes this fall
- Take the GMAT and score above a 600
- Apply to schools for MBA/MFA program
- De-clutter house and maintain better organization/cleanliness
- Return to vegan diet
- Move to new apartment
- Get a new day job that makes me happy
- Open a savings account for Daniel, Jonathan and Emily- depositing $10/month each
I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished so far in 2010. I am proud of the person I am and the relationships I have. I am working hard to be a better entertainer, a better daughter, a better sister, a better aunt, a better friend and a better human on this earth. I am on a path and I know it’s a good one. This is a good life I have for myself. And it can only get better.
In the first six months of this year I have received my certification for massage, performed in 2 plays (currently rehearsing for my third), paid off $7000 of my debt, taken three massage classes and am currently studying online in my marketing class. I have paid off my Greece trip (except airfare) and I have lost two inches around my waist. No weight loss, but inches lost. I consistently worked a 40+ hour week and kept myself out of trouble….for the most part. 2010 has been a wonderful year so far, as I continue to push myself to be better and do better. I am proud of what I have done and the path that I am on to do more.
As my good friend Jess says- I am being proactive and I am working toward something.
Here are what my 2010 New Years Resolutions are and let’s see if I have kept to them.
- No fast food.
o I have stuck to this. I have not been to a drive through or eaten food from any fast food chain. I have eaten crap- don’t get me wrong. But no McD’s, Taco Bell, Del Taco, Burger King, etc. This is a resolution I am so happy I did and I am so proud that I have stuck to. I feel good and I now know that it is possible to live without fast food. For those people out there who say “I could never” listen to this- YES YOU CAN! There are thousands of options that don’t include genetically modified food that comes from a freezer. You can do it!
- Watch a new movie every week
o I have kind of done this. I get Netflix every month and unlimited watching on the computer. I also go to the library and get movies to watch at home. Add all that in and I have watched a new movie every week. Some better than others and some I wish I hadn’t wasted the 45 minutes on. Because that’s what a movie gets from me. You have 45 minutes to interest me. If I feel compelled to turn the movie off, I will. Usually I don’t but having this “rule” allows me to not feel bad when a movie is just horrible!
- Hit the gym 5 times a week.
o I have done this as well as I can. The resolution should have been “Work out 5 times a week” because I have done that. When I did the boot camp, I didn’t go to the gym, but I did work out. Doing The Follies I don’t go to the gym but I do work out, including a 30 min stretch and warm up before every show. So giving those parameters, I have kept this resolution.
- One letter mailed every week
o I have not kept up with this one. I don’t think I have even written more than 10 letters this whole six months. And I don’t like that about myself. I want to be more interactive with the people in my life. On the one hand, I am because facebook allows me to keep up with so many people at all hours of the day. On the other hand, that’s not a hand written letter to someone, giving them my full attention. I can do better.
The resolutions are going strong and I will continue with them. I will not eat fast food, continue to watch movies weekly, continue to work out 5x a week and I will write one letter a week and mail it out.
Here are the goals I wrote down for 2010
- Pay off entire debt
- Repay myself for Massage School costs
- Book a ship dancing or singing
- Apply for MFA (Nov)
- Book continuous shows
- Edit movie reel
- Get new headshots
- Record MTones Christmas album
- Record own Christmas album
- Apply for a Grammy
- Write lounge act for Vegas/cabaret
- Get down to 145lbs
- Get a dog and start training for agility trials
Those are great goals. And some of them I have attained. I have booked continuous shows since the first of the year, I am working my ass off to pay down my debt and get down to 145 lbs. I am going to keep these goals because I believe they are all still attainable. And I am going to add a few more now that I see where I am in the year.
- Raise $3000 through ALM for American Heart Association during the Long Beach 1/2 Marathon in October (www.actinglikemarathoners.webs.com)
- Finish Greece marathon in under 5:15
- Blog five times a week on both my blogs
- Get an A in my summer marketing class and an A average in my 4 classes this fall
- Take the GMAT and score above a 600
- Apply to schools for MBA/MFA program
- De-clutter house and maintain better organization/cleanliness
- Return to vegan diet
- Move to new apartment
- Get a new day job that makes me happy
- Open a savings account for Daniel, Jonathan and Emily- depositing $10/month each
I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished so far in 2010. I am proud of the person I am and the relationships I have. I am working hard to be a better entertainer, a better daughter, a better sister, a better aunt, a better friend and a better human on this earth. I am on a path and I know it’s a good one. This is a good life I have for myself. And it can only get better.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Almost a wasted day
Today at work I sat. And sat. And then sat some more. However, sprinkled in with all the sitting I did get some things done.
- I read rescue stories on PetFinder and dreamed of when I get a dog.
- I took the quiz for Chapter 1 in my marketing and promotions class. I love this class. It's all about how companies build their marketing to promote their product. More and more I'm realizing that this is something I would like to do and will actually be good at.
- I submitted my resume to six jobs I feel I would be good at. I don't have any marketing or public relations experience, but I'm certain I could succeed in the field.
- I looked at cabins to rent for a week in August up at Big Bear.
- I pulled more information on Grad schools and MBAs. More and more I am leaning towards Chapman which offers an international MBA where I'd study in Prague for 6mos. (more on that later)
- I watched three episodes of 'Southern Belles of Louisville'. Good times. And I wondered how they got their make up so flawless and their hair so straight.
So not totally a wasted day. Plus there was cake!
- I read rescue stories on PetFinder and dreamed of when I get a dog.
- I took the quiz for Chapter 1 in my marketing and promotions class. I love this class. It's all about how companies build their marketing to promote their product. More and more I'm realizing that this is something I would like to do and will actually be good at.
- I submitted my resume to six jobs I feel I would be good at. I don't have any marketing or public relations experience, but I'm certain I could succeed in the field.
- I looked at cabins to rent for a week in August up at Big Bear.
- I pulled more information on Grad schools and MBAs. More and more I am leaning towards Chapman which offers an international MBA where I'd study in Prague for 6mos. (more on that later)
- I watched three episodes of 'Southern Belles of Louisville'. Good times. And I wondered how they got their make up so flawless and their hair so straight.
So not totally a wasted day. Plus there was cake!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)