New baby time!

My nephew was born Friday here in Sacramento. He is perfect. When my sister had baby#1 I was worried about losing her to the kid. To being a mom. To her own family. Then I met him and fell so madly in love I couldn't stand it. He was amazing and added so much to my life. I know that this new boy will do the same.
I am so proud of my sister for bringing in a healthy, happy boy to this world. She's healthy and other than the soreness she's doing fine.
I love my sister so much. She's given me another glorious nephew an I could not be happier for our family.

Small Comparisons

Today I watched three different sitcoms on hulu.com.
One friend walked along the streets of Paris and drank french wine.
Today I took a nap in my car during my lunch.
Another friend painted the womens center at her church in Dominica.
Today I read about becoming a flight attendant in an effort to dream about a new life.
One friend auditioned for a national tour.
Today I ate cold refried beans and salsa because they were free.
Another friend spent the day on her boat.
Today I sat at a desk for 9 hours, got into a tiff with a coworker over nothing of consequence and made five pots of coffee.
I have a friend who is in Italy for two weeks on vacation.

I'm going to get out of this job. I'm going to live a more exciting life. I'm going to make something of myself.

Today I get to go to the theater and sing and dance in one of the best shows on the circuit right now. No one else has had the day I have had. And, all things considered, it was a good one.

2 days to baby time!

My sister is pregnant with baby #2 and she's due to deliver this Friday. I have been unable to do anything but think about her for days now. Nephew #2!!! I can barely stand it!
My sister is one of the most amazing women in the world, second only to my mother. The fact that she's going to be the mother of two makes my heart sing. Those are two lucky boys.
I live Cristin so very much. My heart breaks a little at the fact that my dad isn't physically here. I know he's watching from heaven and as been holding her hand every step of the way. But his presence is missed even more when amazing things like this happen. I know she misses him.
Baby #2!!! Pictures will be posted later in the week.
The world is about to get so much better.

Some Highlights from the Final Day of March 2010

Just when I thought this job wouldn’t make me laugh or tickle anything other than the unnerving thought that I’m wasting my life, I have a day like today which reminds me that the humor of life is found in the offices. Here are some of the “seriously??!!?” moments from my day today. Trust me, these things all actually happened.

- One of the assistants from the regional office called me down to the conference room to ask me how to turn the lights on.

- At around 10:30a the email system shut down and people emerged from their offices in a panic because they couldn’t email anyone. The IT director, who has an office on my floor, actually said “I’ll call the help desk.” You’re HEAD of the Help Desk!

- There is a mother and father duck who have decided to make our koi pond their spring home and have their babies here. It’s not good for the koi since apparently ducks like to eat fish. So, the duck/bird society was called to see what we should do, an email went out to everyone and it was the topic of discussion at the monthly leadership meeting this morning. I heard one exec down the hall say, “People eat chicken for lunch. Why is there such a stink about these ducks?”

- By midnight tonight the performance reviews are due from all the managers. This afternoon I was handed a list of managers who haven’t completed their reviews, which consists of them checking a box with their electric signature and then sending it on to the next level. Me, an assistant who has NO seniority at all in this hospital, had to call upper level management and remind them to do their job.

- Someone called in and said, “I see conference room 1 is open from 11-12p tomorrow. Is the conference room open then?”

- I sit in the “I don’t want to do it, go ask Amie” chair, so I was tasked with helping one of the other assistants with a project. I spend a majority of my days right now scanning large documents and then uploading them onto an intraweb site. (You know you want to be me right now.) I am also on the planning committee to help with the huge week-long celebration in May. The assistant I’m scanning for told the other assistant (on the planning group with me) that she would let her “borrow me” if needed. Borrow me? Like cattle? Or an iron? If I’m being treated like property I think there should be jewelry involved.

- As I sit staring at the computer I overhear the following-

“What are you doing?”

“Waiting”

“Waiting? What, are you a waiter now? This place doesn’t tip well” (This conversation actually happened.)

All this and more could be yours for the small price of signing your life away for 40 hours a week.

A Job or A Calling

Last night I went to the Employee Recognition Awards dinner for the hospital. I worked it, actually, but I still got to see the people and watch them be recognized for their length of service. One woman has been working here for 45 years.

45 YEARS!!!

Continuously. She took her maternity leave for her five children, but always came back. She plugs along in the lab every day, comes to work religiously and makes the most of her time here. She has been working here longer than I can even wrap my head around.

It, or course, gave me pause. Next month I will celebrate my one year working at this desk. I was a temp for 10 months and now I am an actual employee. A week from today I get benefits. $50 every paycheck goes into my retirement account. I pay a lot more in taxes because I’m in a different income bracket, making me actually earn less than I did as a temp even though I make more hourly. That’s messed up! But it’s a job and I come here 40+ hours a week and I do work and I go home. I don’t take the stress home with me and I don’t worry about the hospital when I’m not here. I don’t have a blackberry to keep track of me and I don’t take projects home. I am an hourly employee who spends her time wondering what else is out there.

Watching people last night who have worked here 15, 20, 15 even 35 years started to make me think. Do I have it all wrong? Is the point of a job just to show up? I know with unemployment so I high I should be thankful I have a job. Am I am. I truly am. But there is a deep rooted need in me to do more. To make more of my life. To succeed more. Is that the wrong way to look at things? Am I supposed to just be thankful for what I have and keep chugging away? Am I not supposed to strive? Not supposed to try? Not supposed to look behind every corner for the next better thing?

I started to day dream about what my life would look like if I just did this job. I didn’t audition, I didn’t send out resumes, I didn’t go online every day and look for another job. I just did this one. What would I become? Would I still be Amie? Or is part of what makes me “amie” that struggle to be better? Would I eventually find peace? Or would I eventually eat a 9mm? I watched everyone last night look so happy with where they work and what they do. For some it is a job and for others it is their calling.

I guess the question is, when do you just sit thankfully with your job and when do you continue the search for your calling?

Richman Daydreams

I’ve come to a solution to my problems: a rich husband who adores me.

Now, I’m not one to seriously contemplate marriage. I have no interest, really. It only ends in heartache, I don’t like to share my bed and I am not a fan of having to train someone to put the toilet lid down. I love being single. I like making my own schedule and not answering to anyone. I enjoy the day changing at 2p and not knowing where I’m going to end up. I like being able to plan out my month without having to take into account another person and what he wants to do. However, for the right price I could be convinced marriage is the way to go.

I hate my job. However, I have to be here. I have to pay off debt, save for the future and pay my bills. I have to have health insurance and a retirement plan. This is a very adult job and I do need to sit on my ass everyday and get paid. If I had a rich husband, who adored me, I could quit my job. I wouldn’t need to pay bills because his assistant would do it for me. Wait- MY assistant would do it for me. I could have an assistant. I would be covered under his health care which would include acupuncture and therapeutic massages. I would dip into his retirement fund and he would pay off my credit card debt in one fell swoop. I would have a new car, new clothes and would be able to put all my change into the “Feed the Children” bucket at the grocery store. I could shop at Whole Foods without looking at the total cost and the personal chef we would have would make me six small meals a day so I could watch my weight. I would have a personal trainer and a pool.

Hobbies would become possible. I have an assistant so they could help me organize my large projects and then actually get them done. My scrapbook from Europe (when I went three years ago) would be finished. My ongoing marathon scrapbook (which hasn’t even been started) would get done. I could learn to quilt and then make the squares for my marathon t-shirt quilt I have planned.

The possibilities are endless.

I would get my nails done twice a month and chat with the ladies who work there. I would be able to go to their fundraising events and give money. I would be able to write checks to all the little charities that are out there. Not huge gifts, but something to everyone. I would stop at every lemonade stand and garage sale and buy something, and then donate it to shelters. I would shop at farmers markets and co-ops and support locally.

And the time I would have for auditioning! Holy hell. I would have an hour long voice lesson every week as well as an acting class every other day. I would have new headshots with fabulous clothes. I would meet with agents and PR reps and managers. Hell, I could make my OWN movie and get it out there. I could direct, act, produce….whatever I wanted, because I wouldn’t have to worry about money. I could mount a show in a gorgeous theater. I could remodel an old 1940’s movie house and show old movies once a week. I could have live music performances and invite all my friends to put up their cabaret acts. And there would be lots of karaoke.

I wouldn’t spend more than I needed to feel artistically fulfilled. I’m not buying $10,000 watches or owning seven cars. The house would be a modest size and everything would be eco-friendly and green. Nothing wasted. But I wouldn’t have to work at this job and I would be able to find what fulfills me, without the threat of collection agencies or debt weighing me down. I could find my passion. I could travel around the world and write or take pictures until I felt the draw to do something. I could get in touch with what I wanted and I could make it happen.

The day I release the chains from this desk is the day my life really begins. I enjoy my life, I enjoy the people in my life. But one day soon I am going to be released from this desk prison and I’m going to live the hell out of life.

It would just be faster if I had a rich man who could do that for me now. And he’ll be gorgeous, obviously.

Inspiring Myself Sometimes

I ran my 15^th marathon yesterday, my 18^th race. And I still love it.

We started in Dodger stadium. I have a picture of me ON the field. It was awesome! Then met a great girl at the starting line named Tiffany who was also running with the RoadRunners. We ran together for a while. It was her first marathon and she was waaaay better trained for it than I was. I signed up for the LARR in September with the idea that I could get my best time in Los Angeles because I lived here and could train and wouldn’t have to fight jet lag or anything. Well, I was very wrong. The LARR train on Saturday mornings and usually that is a good time. Except when caroling season starts and every rehearsal is Saturday morning. The caroling season gets going and gigs go until 1a on Friday nights and the thought of waking up at 5:30 to run for 10 miles doesn’t appeal. Then I got cast in Merrily and that show rehearsed Saturday mornings at 9am. By the time the show opened there was only 4 more weeks of training left and I was exhausted by the show.

So my brilliant plan to train here in LA and rock the house with my run kind of went by the wayside. But I did finish. This year there was a new course and I really liked it. I have a goal to run a marathon in every state and one of every continent. I didn’t want to run LA because I drive these streets every day. Running on then seemed a little silly. And the old course used to just run through downtown and Hollywood. Not even a pretty course. This year was the 25^th annual race and they changed the course. I hope they keep this one.

It started at Dodger Stadium and wound down to Eagle Rock and Silver Lake area. It was pretty. Then through Hollywood and Beverly Hills. Then we got to run down Rodeo Drive. That might have been my favorite part. We then ran through the Wilshire district and then down into Santa Monica. We ran past iconic Hollywood/LA mainstays and it was really fun. I met a really nice woman named Tiffany at the starting line and ran with her for a while. She eventually ran ahead of me and met up with the pace group she had been training with. It was her first marathon and she seemed to do really well. She was my age and so bright and bubbly and really made my first third of the race a good experience. She made me smile. And seemed interested in running again so hopefully I’ll get to run with her again.

It took me over 6 hours to finish this race, not what I wanted. I wanted to finish in under 5:30, under 5 hours would have been ideal. I want to prove that I can do it! I want to make that next goal and beat my time. I know I can do it. I have this big goal and I’m going to meet it.

There are other little tidbits from yesterday. I have been nauseous fairly consistently for almost 2 weeks now. Started on March 9^th and has been going ever since. I can’t really eat anything spicy or fiber rich. I feel sick to my stomach all the time and nothing looks good, nothing sounds good and nothing is even tempting. (I’m not pregnant.) So yesterday I was feeling very poor and got to vomit into a porta-potty. I have to say, not even remotely on my top ten list of things I want to do again. It was disgusting.

My ad’s mile is mile 24, that’s his birthday. Last April, in Nashville, I listened to the same song the entire mile. “Life in a Northern Town”. I cried, I sang along, I looked crazy as I worked through some of the pain of his death. In May when I ran San Diego that song played at mile 24. And in Seattle it played again at mile 24. I didn’t really register that it was all on the same mile. My iPod is on shuffle and I figured I was just more aware because by mile 24 you’re not really thinking straight. Then yesterday I crossed into mile 24 and the song came on. I realized that he must be doing it. It’s his mile and he wants me to hear that song. It keeps me moving and it allows me to cry. And boy do I cry. I cry for the pain, for the loss of him, for the physical pain of having walked for 5+ hours, for my life, for missing him, for him not being here anymore. It is very cathartic and so personal.

Maybe that’s why I do this. I feel so selfish when I run. I don’t usually run for a charity (Although that is going to change this year. All my runs will be in honor of someone or for a charity). It takes me a long time to do them and I’m usually alone. I find my racing selfish. I kind of felt like a sham yesterday. Had a little pity party. Then I look at the people who go out and run because they see it’s possible. I have so many friends running a race this year. Ja is putting together a run in June. Erin is running in Sept. Three of my Merrily people are running in May. Heather and Mona are running in NYC in April. ALM is doing their main race in October and I know Kiersten and Jessica and all the ALMers will be there. These are my friends, my people, who are getting out there and pushing themselves to do something they didn’t think they could.

Maybe it’s not selfish. I want to live a good life and change the world for better. I want my time here to make a difference. And perhaps one purpose of mine is to motivate people to push themselves and prove that they can do it. That they shouldn’t say “never” because that limits them.

The LA Marathon was awesome. I am really glad I did it and am so thankful to all my friends who supported me through facebook and texting. My life is better because of racing, because of my friendships and because this is a great time to be alive.