Dating tips from the front lines – Part 2

I’m heading into another week on this ride known as life, and I have more to share about dating and boys. Last week proved to be a week of growing pains and I have no interest in any other singleton out there going through the same pain. I survived and you can too. Here we go:

- Blogging is not always a good way to get a guy on your side. My blog is funny and honest and walks the line of appropriate. However, if the guy you just made an example of gets his feelings hurt, maybe it’s too far. Or is it? After writing about my chance meeting last week the boy wrote me a letter explaining his side of things. He had read my blog and told me he didn’t realize how much I had been hurt by him not calling. It was obvious he was really upset and I have to admit I took a little comfort in that. He hurt me (a little) and I was glad he got to see my side of things. So lesson learned - write what you want to write, but be ready for the fall out. Be damn sure you are standing strong on your side of the story.

- Sending provocative pictures to someone you have never slept with is never a good idea. NEVER. Once you have a picture of them feel free to send and send and send. But you have to have something in your back pocket for when they feel jilted. You don’t want to be the only one without collateral.

- Women- STOP PAYING FOR YOUR MEALS!! If you are on a date, and it is called a date, DON’T PAY! It sounds sexist, 1950’s, and goes against everything we’ve been taught about independence and self reliance. But trust me. If you want to see this man again, if you want to actually date him, do not pay. No one ever got laid by going dutch.

- For women- Do NOT call him. Do NOT text him. Do NOT Facebook him. Do NOT tweet him. Leave him the hell alone. He knows how to get ahold of you, I promise. He knows where you are. And he will find you. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t want to. And who wants someone who doesn’t want them?

- For men- Do NOT call/text/tweet/post or anything to a girl you think is on the fence. All we see is communication. We don’t make the distinction between “friend I’m saying hi to” and “woman I want to sleep with”. Until the lines are clearly drawn, leave us alone please. We have other men out there who aren’t being vague and we need to leave the lines open for them.

- Sometimes men want meaningful conversations. The good boys want to connect with you. I know, it’s crazy. I was taught that you sleep with them first and THEN wrangle them into hour-long discussions about life. Apparently that is not the case with all men. Just be warned ladies. You might have to actually talk to them.

- Gay isn’t always gay. Straight isn’t always straight. Sometimes they are walking the fine line of undecided. All you need to decide is if it’s worth walking with them.

I hope this helps. I am certain there will be more. This summer is proving to be a learning experience in more ways than I ever thought possible. And I’m not even in grad school yet.

Happy hunting!

We All Need Subcategories - Even on Facebook

Facebook has changed the way people interact, bringing it to a level I don’t believe even Mark Zuckerberg could have imagined from his Harvard dorm room. And don’t kid yourself. For as much as we want to network and find jobs through our FB friends, we all use Facebook to flirt, check-up on exes, send secret love messages and find the dirt on our current crushes.

With all of the advancement in the world of social network stalking, one would think the landscape was full. However, as I get even more fully immersed in the facebook world, I have found a huge gap in interpersonal relations on the social website: Relationship Status.

Over time Facbook has expanded its relationship options. They offer Single, In A Relationship, Engaged, Married, It’s Complicated, In an Open Relationship, Widowed, Separated, Divorced, (and most recently) In a Civil Union, and In a Domestic Partnership. I believe they have most options covered. There is a difference between Separated and Divorced. There is a difference between In a Relationship and In an Open Relationship. And there is a difference between a Civil Union and Domestic Partnership. One huge hole in their categorizing is in the Single box. I feel there should be sub-categories that we can fill out, giving our prospective mates a clearer picture of where we are in our hearts.

Single should be broken down to the following categories, if not more.

Single:

- Have worked through all my issues. I’m ready.
- Just out of a relationship so stay away
- Just out of a relationship so come over and play
- Ready to mingle
- Looking for as many free meals as possible
- Looking for a long term, steady relationship
- NOT looking for a long term relationship
- Looking for my soul mate
- Don’t believe in soul mates, so call me
- Working on myself
- Past the point of caring whether I ever find love or not

Now that I think of it, there are some other sub-categories that come up for the other status options.

Separated:
- In the first stages- trying to see if this is what we both want
- In the first stages- I still love them
- In the first stages- they still love me
- In therapy
- I’m ready to move on but we still share custody of the cat. And the flat-screen.
- They're ready to move on but I'm using the cat as collateral
- A few months in and I’m ready for a divorce already
- A few months in and I’m not ready to change my status to single yet

Divorced:
- And happy
- And I hate all things relationship, including this question
- And I still cry in our pillow each night
- And missing my ex
- And sleeping with my ex
- And still working through the possessions so be ready for long talks about how they did me wrong

In A Relationship:
- My gf/bf pressured me into this
- It’s serious and we’re moving to the engaged box next
- But I’m looking for a way out
- But I’m sleeping with my ex
- But I’m gay so don’t tell my “gf”
- I haven't changed my status yet because I hope my ex changes their mind.
- I’m lying and just want to appear like someone loves me

Of course, part of the dating game is finding the answers to these questions on our own. We need a little mystery in our lives. So for now I’ll just leave the Relationship Status portion blank and see where life takes me. Who knows, as I date more I might find even more categories. So why limit myself?

What would you add?

Twitter learnings

Twitter is an interesting thing. As with many things in my life, I started my adventure without really knowing what I wanted out of it or what I was willing to put into it. After four days I can say I am slightly addicted to at least checking in to everything once an hour. Even more than before. Check on facebook people, check in on fourswuare and read Twitter. I knew this would happen. I have an addictive personality in general. I fall too hard for guys, eat too much of a good thing and can’t seem to stop myself with shoes. What I wasn’t prepared for was the random crap I would be introduced to.

Examples:

- I tweet about Vegas and am bombarded with offers for the hottest Vegas nightlife
- I tweet about apple and all my Mac friends come to its defense
- I tweet about needing a new dress and am sent offers for free online coupons.

It’s pretty amazing actually. The best one? I tweet about not being able to read Time magazine anymore because it gives me anxiety attacks because I want to fix everything. I get a response for an anti-anxiety drug.

Good to know that if I ever do need access to nightlife, computer advice or meds, Twitter and all my Twitter-ettes will be there to help me.

Follow me on Twitter! SingingAmieB

(Soon I’ll figure out how to link this blog…..all in good time.)

Here are my tweets so far:

46- correction- you CAN'T let go if you're holding on.
45- Time magazine is why I have anxiety attacks. I can't fix it all and I want to.
44- Thank you and happy birthday to #annakournikova for taking on the banner of keeping 30s sexy. It was getting heavy
43- And THAT, ladies and gentlemen is how you do it.
42- another boring day, another value-losing dollar. Nice to think about having all next week off though!
41- why is everyone excited about iCloud? Pay so I can access the music I already own? Honestly don't get it. But happy people are happy.
40- Good run, load of laundry and Greys Anatomy. Not so bad for a Monday. See you tomorrow!
39- Lawn is mowed! And I tortured the cat by leaving Best In Show in while I was outside
38- nice easy drive home. I like it
37- just sat and listened to all the teasers of the new #sarahjarosz album. I'm in love, again.
36- #Groupon rocks! Just printed out my deal for #oldnavy. Time to shop!!
35- was just handed a ridiculously time wasting assignment. Thank goodness the workday eventually ends
34- looking for places to rent for the summer. Not looking forward to packing.
33- working working working. Wishing I was still in #Vegas.....
32- Have a night totally empty for the first time in a while. What should I do?
31- Happy Monday. Eventful weekend and ready for a quiet day at work. Followers? 49.
30- last tweet of the weekend. Such a good time!
28- @ the petstore. Couldn't leave without donating cans of cat food to homeless kitties
27- you'll never guess- still here!! Don't be jealous. You know you want to sit around all day too.
26- okay. Three hours in. Of sitting. I'm losing steam.....
25- Still sitting at a callback. This is the hard part most of the time.
24- it's a little unnerving to look at how much life can get turned upside down in only 5 days.
23- just met a dog whose head came to my chest and I'm wearing heels. That's a big dog.
22- hello long beach. I missed you!!
21- my favorite feature of Roxie, my car? #Ford Sync where I can play my iPhone through speakers via Bluetooth. What's yours?
20- goodbye Vegas. :(
I checked in at The Chandelier (3708 Las Vegas Blvd S) on #Yelp http://bit.ly/gLb7VR
19- drinks IN a #Chandelier?!!? Who thinks of this? I love this city. #lasvegas
18- Afton and I are going to start a girl band covering 'Pocketful of Sunshine'. We need a name....
17- I am currently a green room in Vegas. Wahoo!!
16- I just ran down Las Vegas Blvd in 4' heels and a strapless mini dress. Hooray Vegas!
15- free Elvis show? Yes please!!
14- why why why WHY are you smoking and holding your baby?!!!
13- patiently waiting for my peeps to get here. Best clubs? Fave drinks? Awesome shows? I loVe Vegas. Tell me what you like about it!
12- $50 gift card to Macy's. Off to buy a dress for tonight! Do you have a favorite style? Suggestions are welcome.
11- my friend Mel has a press pass for the miss USA pageant. Not gonna lie, I'm a little jealous.
10- impromptu lunch with Melodye! Gotta love it!
9- Sun moved. Time to shift chairs!
8- I need a sexier hobby. Anyone have any ideas?
7- I'm not just water-skiing, I'm boxing water-skiing. I do love pod advertising.
6- I think I'll only do this project while awake. Just as interesting. Woke up in Vegas. Not a bad start to the weekend.
5- #ladygaga uses baby food to keep in shape. Hmmm....do they have steak flavored baby food? a good red wine? Wait. Yuck. I'll eat the steak
4- I can't even imagine losing a part of my body, let alone a hand. So very thankful for my health.
3- I truly hate the awful advice #drlaura gives. She just told a woman to stay in a marriage with an alcoholic. WTF?!!?
2- Vegas Vegas Vegas!! Where do you like to eat when there?
1- First of 3,360. What have I gotten into? #bigprojects

3,360 Tweets......May be the Ultimate Overshare

While researching how to link my Twitter feed to this blog, my website and to Facebook it occurred to me that society might be over sharing. I might be over sharing. Then I thought about all the things I WANT to say on Twitter and Facebook, but don't, and I comfort myself that I’m still in the circle of okay.

But what if I wasn’t? What if I said exactly what I was thinking at the moment I wrote my tweet/status post? What if I didn’t edit myself or say “no one needs to know that”. How long would it take before I stopped thinking things I shouldn’t share? How long before I didn’t care what people thought? How long before I changed my thinking so anyone can know it all?

Hence the experiment I am undertaking this summert:

140 characters for 140 days.

Every hour, starting at 7pm tonight 3 June 2011 until 7p 20 Oct 2011, I will post something on Twitter. (I will not post it all on Facebook. Some people have my status come to their phones and I wouldn’t wish that many texts on anyone.) 140 characters every hour for 140 days. The caveat being during the night. Before I go to sleep each night I will tweet one tweet for every hour I will be sleeping.

These tweets will be anything I’m thinking at that moment. If I’m on the phone, I’ll say that. If I’m at dinner, I’ll talk about where I am and what I’m eating. If I found something interesting online I want to share, I'll post that. If I finish a blog, I'll post that. If I’m in the shower…..well I’ll post when I get out. Same for if I’m in the middle of any number of things I can’t be interrupted from, like driving. But hourly, my thoughts will get thrown into the Twitter universe. Hourly, I will share my witty comments, something that happened to me or something I want to do. For those not on Twitter, I will also compile them here once a day. Will be nice to see the timeline of my day. Relive it, if you will.

This project will take me through my couch surfing this summer, through my next two shows, through trips to Disneyland and Vegas, all the way through my first month of grad school. It might fail. It might be brilliant. Let’s see if I can come up with 3,360 remotely interesting things to talk about.

Why am I doing this? Because I can.

Taking stock of what she has and what I haven't

Most of the time, I am happy with my life. I like myself as a person. I like my friends and my hobbies and my slowly (very slowly) growing career. I believe in my choices and work hard to stay on a path of good and solid living with a healthy dose of fun. When I don’t stop to take stock of what I have and what I haven’t I’m pretty happy. When I don’t sit and look at other people and what they have and what they haven’t I’m even happier. But some days I do stop. And I do look. And those days need to be fewer and farther between.

As facebook brings more and more people into my life I learn about this web of life out there I have been peripherally involved with. People who know people who I am really good friends with and yet have never met. This always throws me. We have 44 friends in common? How do I not know you?!!? And to learn that I was sometimes living in the same city with these people, walking the same streets, living parallel lives without even knowing it. That is when I start to second guess the randomness of the universe.

We make choices every day that effect how our lives will move forward. I don’t believe we have a destiny, but I do believe we have a purpose and our choices either move us towards that purpose or off the path, making it harder to get back on. We chose who to love. We chose where to go to school. We chose where to eat and what jobs to take and which movies to see. And somewhere out there someone is making the same decisions, at the same time, in a world similar to yours, but not quite the same. There is a peripheral woman in my life who is living a life (and has lead a life) that at times I wish I was living. And between you and me, I would have lived it without messing it up like I think she did. But that’s just me projecting. I don't know the details so I can't really judge. Or there is the woman who isn’t in the peripheral, she effects my life every day, and yet I would change positions with her in a hot second if only to have what she has for a fleeting moment.

All this circular talk is simply me thinking about someone in the world who might be looking at my life, thinking it’s similar yet different and comparing it to theirs. Would they be motivated to change their path to be more like mine? Would they be happy with theirs and simply look at me with mild interest? Or would they shake their head and wonder how I managed to mess up every opportunity that was handed to me?

I look at other people and their choices and it constantly motivates me. Interesting blogs motivate me to write more and to entertain through my words and stories. Postings on facebook motivate me to get to the gym or call a friend or go to an audition I was on the fence about. Check-ins on yelp.com or foursquare motivate me to try new places and get out and be more social. Texts and emails from friends and family motivate me to be a better girlfriend/sister/daughter/aunt/friend. I am learning to take everything as a possibility and not as just a moment.

My biggest fear is that I will not have lived a full life. That something (money, time, relationships, career, life) will get in the way and I will look back and stamp my foot in frustration that “she” got to do this or that while I was off doing something else. Frustrated that she got the guy, or got the cooler part in the play, or had the better hair, or got to own a dog, or got to have kids with him while I was off living my life. My fear is that I won’t find peace in my choices, that I will constant second guess and wonder and look for a life that I wished I had lead.

In this instance fear might just be the best motivator.