No Expiration Date

One of my professors, Professor V., is an older gentleman who is a true gem in this world. He can quote the literary greats like he’s talking about his own history. He has a passion for the world of theater and works tirelessly for his students. His is, in a word, amazing. Prof V. has a heart of gold and is one of those people in the world you just immediately root for. You want them to be happy and prosperous and see all the good come to them. You worry about them when they don’t look well and you laugh along with them as they talk about their day and their experiences. People like Professor V. make this world a better place.

Which is why I was overjoyed when he told us he had fallen in love and was happy. I still smile when I think about him telling us in class the other day. He blushed and smiled and seemed to light up with this new man in his life. Now, this man is in his 60s and is as neurotic as the rest of us. He is a gangly old man who has had his share of men in his life. He makes no secret of it. And while it may sound naive and a little small minded, my second thought at hearing the news (behind being truly happy for him) was “he’s proof we can still find love when we’re old.”

I know, I know, even thinking those words out again makes me cringe at the way it sounds. I can hear it now- What do you mean “old”? What, old people don’t have the right to be happy? Old people can’t fall in love? And that’s not what I’m saying at all. What I was happy for was that joy in his eyes and truly seeing that finding love, at the age when what society deems your “best years” are behind you, is possible.

In a world where people get married at 22, actress can’t find “good” roles after 40, and the term “expiration date” doesn’t just apply to food, I find myself wondering if I will be able to have love in my 60s. And not only love, but good sex. I have a friend who is a grandmother and happily married and I have heard from her own stories that good sex is still an option into your later years. And now with the wonderful relationship I’m in, I’m certain that amazing sex is going to remain in the schedule. But if life takes the love of my life from me (touch wood it doesn’t, I don't want a life without him) and I find myself single and 60, I like the idea that I will still be loveable and worthy of attention from the opposite sex- even if I am gangly and neurotic (which I most surely will be).

So my hat is off to you Prof V., for getting out there and doing it! Loving and trusting and enjoying life. I didn’t think it was possible for him to be more of an inspiration, but he is. Just goes to show that grad school is more awesome than I could have thought!

Have a wonderful day! Get out there and do something fun!!

Options Options Options!!

There is a saying here in England, “If you don’t like the weather, wait a few minutes. It will change.” With the upcoming change of visa requirements and the finish line of school in my sights (even if still months away) it seems like that sentiment is applicable to my plans as well. This sense of confusion, the need to have a plan, seems to radiate throughout the BSA Post Grads.

When I applied to BSA last year it was with the understanding that once a student has a Student Visa and completes their degree they can apply for, and receive, a working visa which will allow them to work full time and guarantee residency for two years. This coming April that is going to change. Students will have to get a job paying 20k a year and get a sponsor before they will be given a working Visa. This brings a lot of challenges, not the least of which is that in this economy not many people are going to be willing to offer a job to a temporary citizen when there are so many Brits out of work. It also lengthens the list of options for all of us.

The variations in these options brings me great joy and excitement. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a healthy amount of worry in there, but the majority of my energy lies in the idea that, once again, the world is my oyster. I get to start a new chapter in life! I have a new set of tools that ROCK and allow me a stronger leg-hold on the competition. Not to mention an amazing thesis and hopefully some published articles to feather my academic nest. 

Here are a few of the options out there:

• Move to London without a secure working visa. This means I get an apartment, find a job and audition the hell out of my life until 13 Jan 2013, when my visa expires, at which time if I don’t have a job I head back to the states. (Well let’s be real. I’ll probably spend a few months hiding out in Paris simply because I can.) The idea of living in London makes me smile, gives me a sense of excitement about what’s out there available to me. I can audition for the West End. I can audition for a tour. I can head down to Paris and find work as a voice-over actress. I can coach the American dialect with young actors here. There are options upon options out for me. This seems like the best option for my dream of winning a Tony. Get out there and use myself and my skills, take workshops and continue to grow and learn.
• Apply the working visa now, spend the money (about $1000) and give myself the option of staying as long I can. This is the more expensive option and doesn’t give me pressure to find work before my visa wears out. Seems like it would take away a piece of motivation. However, there is something comforting in the idea that I have two years without having to worry about getting kicked out of the country. I can take longer to find a job I enjoy, maybe audition instead of interview, and really enjoy being in the city. 
• Book a European tour. (Yes please!)
• Finish school and head to somewhere on the East Coast. I don’t want to lose my classical training and there is a world of great theater happening on the East side of the USA.
• Finish school and head back to California, find work and coach on the side.
• There is also the option of going back to school. I would love to get my MFA at San Diego University. That was my number one school choice last year during auditions and I know I did well when I met with them. However, now with a year of classical training behind me I have an even better shot. Here’s what I love about that plan: I LOVE SCHOOL! So the idea I’d get to continue learning, continue training, continue becoming this brilliant vessel of theater is intoxicating. 

How lucky am I?!!?


I have a little under 8 months before my thesis is due. I am still in the baby beginnings of my research. My first public workshop goes up in 4 weeks. I have yet to memorize a scene. There is so much to do before any of these listed options start to come in. But the idea that tonight I can sit here and daydream about where my life is going to go, that it doesn’t involve a desk or a CEO or Microsoft Outlook makes me happy, happy, happy.

The thought of my handsome Tony and his friend, the dashing Oscar, sparkling in the sun makes me happy, happy, happy as well.

Back in the Saddle Again

I arrived back in Birmingham Sunday and, needless to say, am still ridiculously jet-lagged. Last night in my three hour stage combat class I almost fell asleep three times. Thank goodness we spent the first half holding rapiers and daggers and the last hour punching each other in the stomach and kneeing each other in the groin. This morning is proving to be even harder. Song class is usually a great hour of my life, but today all I wanted to do was sleep. I'm currently sitting in the library on campus and seriously debating if anyone would notice if I took a quick kip behind one of the stacks. It's a college, they wouldn't mind, right?

The flight here was uneventful. As I get older, I'm finding my love of flying ebbing sigificantly. I will always fly, I will always travel. But more and more I have painful anxiety when we take off, I have awful flashes of panic when we fly (How are we 30,000 miles over the ocean right now? How are we not dropping into the deep?), and I am always eternally grateful when we land safely. I'm not certain where the next few years will lead me, but I am thankful I don't have to do any 10 hour flights for at least 7 months.

I am so happy to be back at school, but I am hate being so far away from the people I love. I miss my family so much. Don't be fooled, it was so much easier to leave LA when I wasn't seeing anyone. I didn't mind the weeks away because I was excited for a change and ready to live a different life. I also knew I was coming home in 10 weeks and I know I can survive almost anything for 10 weeks. This time I left and the man I love is still in CA. Long distance relationships SUCK! I want nothing more to see him every day and I am not going back to LA for at least 9 months. That is a LONG time! (I can have a baby in that time! Instead, I will get my masters. :)

A rambling blog of some rambling thoughts from a jet-lagged woman running on too much coffee and not enough veggies. Reminds me that I need to go grocery shopping tonight! I promise, the next blog will have life changing thoughts and probably a few interesting stories about what I totally forgot I love and loath about this city.

Until next time........have a GREAT day out there!

My 2012 Resolutions and Goals

I love New Years Resolutions and I love setting goals for the year. I believe they are two different things that need to be laid out as such and then attacked as such.

Resolutions are things you promise yourself you're going to do: change eating, give up something, stop swearing.......things like that. They are daily or weekly changes you intend to make for the entire year. And they are only for a year. My best friend gave up soda for 2011. You best believe on 1 Jan 2012 he has a Coke. Resolutions are simple changes that last one year, initially, and then you move on. It's like a challenge.

Goals are things you set out for yourself that are long term, may take the entire year and are meant to improve your life in the long run. They are what you would like to see happen this year. You take steps every day to achieve these goals, but it isn't a challenge to yourself to change your life for a year. Unless that is your goal!

I always have a few resolutions and then a TON of goals. The goals are sometimes lofty, sometimes totally attainable. And sometimes they are on the list specifically because I know I will attain then and I can check them off. I set really big goals because I believe life can be really big!

Goals are fluid because life is fluid. Resolutions are constant.

Amie's 2012 Resolutions
- Run a mile a day (allowing myself to make up the miles missed weekly)
- No soda or fast food
- give up chocolate for Lent
- Write two blogs every week
- Keep a daily log of my activities (not emotions), a la Samuel Pepys

Amie's 2012 Goals
- Get my Masters degree
- Graduate with distinction
- run Paris in under 5:30
- book two professional shows in the UK
- sign with a bi-coastal (ideally international) agent at the NY showcase in October
- get weight down to at least 150 by end of third term (29 June) and maintain for rest of year
- get completely out of credit card debt
- work 20+ hours while at school
- understand and initiate portion control with my food
- travel to a new country once a month for the weekend
- maintain a positive relationship with the man I love and keep us moving forward
- work out 5 times a week
- run Asia marathon
- skype with my family weekly to maintain relationships
- watch the 2012 Olympics live in London
- don't get further into debt

I know people don't make resolutions because they believe they can change their life any time during the year. I believe that too. You can change your life every day if you want to. But how much fun to have a challenge, a tangible thing to say you did for the entire year! Go do it!

What are your goals this year and how can I help you attain them?

Happy New Year!!!

Always a New Christmas Tradition

The last day of school, my friend Katie at BSA asked us all what our Christmas traditions were. She's 24 and this was the first time she had been away from home so close to the holidays. I mentioned a few things that my family did when I was growing up, but it was hard to find something in the past few years that I did every year. I was almost bothered by it until I realized that my tradition is to find new traditions.

This year I am home for Christmas. This hasn't happened in five years. I am usually out caroling and drive home the day afte Christmas for a few days of celebration. I miss my caroling traditions (the gigs we always do, the pizza party we have, the dinners and the Knott's Christmas) and I miss my friends. I miss the man that I love terribly and I miss spending the holidays with him. We have our own traditions and the season is a little off because I don't have him around me every day. But the gift of time with my family helps to make up for all of that. And I am comforted knowing that this is the last year I sleep without him on Christmas Eve.

Because I am home for the first time in years, and my mother is living in a new house, this is a new year of traditions for my family too. There is no longer a "but we always" for anything. The holiday season is our oyster. We always make fudge, we always, make cookies, we always wear silly sweatshirts, we always wrap the night before Christmas, we always eat too much, we always ask mom if what we're wearing to Christmas dinner is okay.....those are all there. But this year we continue to embrace the new and the changes and the surprises.

Next year, as I blend my family with my bf's kids and their traditions, I know my holiday season will change again. I'm okay with that. We will shift celebration days, share meals with new family members and learn how to juggle time with all the different sides of the family. We might even have everyone over to London and spend the season there!

There might not be any more "but we always" but there will forever be lots of "sure, why nots".

Happy Christmas!!

Happy 33rd Birthday Miss Bjorklund

Happy Birthday to me!!

Let me start by saying I LOVE that this is the date I turn 33  --->  11/22/11. Cool, right?!!?

I spend an inordinate amount of time examining my life, examining my motivation. I work hard to become a better member of society, a better member of my family and a better friend and partner. There isn't much I do that I don't analyze and try to do better next time. All this while fully living in the moment and loving the life I am building for myself. This amount of self reflection and betterment, while totally worthwhile, is exhausting. So today, for my birthday, I'm going to reflect on the joy that was my day and worry about what to make of it later.

I was really sad last night. I literally cried myself to sleep thinking of how sad I was. Around me sat the wrappers of the feelings I tried to eat- a strawberry trifle, a bag of crisps, a can of Devon cream- and yet it wasn't fixing the problem. I was homesick, no two ways about it, and I was spending my birthday alone. Or so I thought.

This morning I woke up and was met with "Happy Birthday" texts. On the way to school Jack and Olivia (from the MA Voice course) sang Happy Birthday to me as we walked to the bus stop. Throughout the day I had to keep reminding myself it was my birthday, but there was usually someone around to say it to me which made me smile and fully take in that moment of someone wishing me well. It was nice. I got hugs from everyone, I got jokes from people and genuine well-wishes. The bonus of the day? I got to spend it doing what I love.

Not once today did I worry about where my life was going or what I was going to do after school. Not once did I think about calories or my body or fitting into my pants. Not once did I worry about saying the wrong thing or hurting someone's feelings. Not once did I wallow or wonder or worry. This was my day and I enjoyed it.

After school we all went out to dinner with Alex, our course director. We had a lovely dinner filled with conversation and lots of laughs. I chatted with Sarah, Chris and Eric on the way home about words we think are real or not and what they might mean. I got home and turned on my computer to see over 150 people had wished me a happy birthday on facebook. A reminder how lucky I am to live in an age where people aren't forgotten about.

I was then summoned over to the other house where I was serenaded again and had some tea with everyone. We talked about our names and movies and the upcoming Thanksgiving dinner. Their company is something I treasure and I was thankful to be there. When I got home, my roommates knocked on my door and surprised me with singing Happy Birthday to me, complete with a candle. I made a wish. (I would tell you what it is, but that will have to wait until next year.) Finally my roommates and I all slid down the banister in the hallway- something we've all wanted to do since we moved in- and bid each other good night.

This was a wonderufl day. It wasn't extraordinary. It wasn't life-altering-ly good or bad. It wasn't anything more than a simple, almost perfect day filled with perfect little moments. I am a lucky lucky woman. Today reminded me of that. If my 33rd year on this earth can be filled with days like this I will consider myself blessed.

Happy Birthday Amie!!

No weight, no scale, no problem

For most of the summer I weighed myself. I was doing the HCG diet where you weigh yourself every day. It was wonderful to watch the weight come off so quickly. However, it was not as much fun to watch the weight come back on. I have weighed myself at LEAST weekly for the past three years. There wasn't a day goes by I didn't know how much I weighed within 2 pounds. I was both frustrated and motivated by these numbers but felt I was healthy and aware. I felt in control and powerful because if nothing else, I knew what I weighed.


Guess what I don't have here in the UK. A scale.


It didn't even occur to me until about two weeks of being here. I baby sat for a fellow student and they have a scale in their bathroom. It was like meeting an old friend you used to know very well. I was so tempted to step on it and see what my number was, when I stopped myself. I didn't want to know. Even more than that, I didn't need to know.


My pants are looser, forcing me to wear the belt I brought with me. My tops hang better and my sweaters don't stretch across my middle. My clothes feel comfortable and, dare I say, almost too big for me. 


I am sleeping well and not getting sick, minus a few sniffles here and there. I am not breaking out or feeling greasy or weighed down. I am regular and I feel great. I have maintained the vegetarian diet and I love how I feel. I treat myself to a beer when I want one and chocolate when I want those. I eat a lot of food out of a can, because it stays on the shelfs longer, but I also eat an apple every day and greens every day. I drink three liters of water every day at school and then more when I get home. I haven't counted my calories since I got here, nor have I weighed myself.


And I feel great.


There is a part of me that cannot wait to get home and step on that scale. I know I have lost weight and I would love to know the number that goes with that to validate my "hard work". But more than that, I know I am healthy. Losing the scale obsession has been a true gift and something I really enjoy. I like now knowing. I like having to guess. I like that I can go back to imagining I'm in the 150s and loving my body. This is amazing! I am falling in love with myself and it feels so good.


Now, off for more tea!!