GUT CHECK TIME - 2017 Goals Progress Report

GUT CHECK TIME!

100 days left of 2017. How close am I to achieving my goals set for 2017, keeping in mind the absolute shit-show this year has been? Not an excuse, merely a bigger obstacle than I anticipated.

Physical

- Lose 30 lbs (5%) - This remains the white whale (pun intended). I've lost 5lbs. I am shooting for at least 10 more before 2018

- Do full splits on both sides (50%) - I can do full on the right. Left is taking her time. Hip trouble is not helping, but dancing every day totally is

- Full headstand w/o the wall (5%) - I can lean my body against the wall. This is still possible before the end of the year though!

- 6 halfs and 3 fulls (10%) - not nearly enough races this year. However, I have New Mexico in Oct, a 5k this weekend and at least 3 more 5ks before the end of the year. Will most likely get another half in there as well now that the weather is gorgeous

- Run/walk 2017 miles (64%) - I am on track to complete this one!

Money

- Pay down $20k (15%) - I'm chipping away at this. Still have 5 years of debt ahead of me, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

- Build emergency fund (6%) - I have $400 in savings. More than I've had in the past. Less than ideal.

Travel

- SDCC for full 4 days (50%) I was able to go out for 2 days and it was wonderful

- 2 new marathon states (50%) I'll get NM done but probably not a second state

- See family 4 times (50%) January show and 4th of July celebrations! Will see them in Nov and December

Career

- Book shows consistently (100%!) I have worked my butt off and have booked a show every month in 2017 so far. My career is moving forward!

- $5k in income (100%!) I thought I set a too lofty of a goal here. But I set it and I achieved it! It feels good to be validated!

- Get an agent (0%) This is still on going. I need an agent so I can make more money and quit my "day job", allowing me to be a full time entertainer. I know it's possible!

Looks like I have some work to do! #LetsDoThis

Cheating and eating

Being honest is important to me. I want to present my true self to the world and stand behind everything I put out there. Otherwise why be here? Why live this life if not to inspire and help and guide the people around us? Being healthy, and representing a healthy lifestyle, is important to me. I want to inspire people to lead an honest and healthy life. My life’s purpose is starting to take shape and direction.

Today’s blog shows a weaker side of me. My food choices this weekend are not something I’m proud of. They’re also not something I want to hide, making my journey to good health look effortless. We all deal with temptations and choices. We all have low points in our personal journeys. My goal is to show it’s not the end of the world and we always have the choice to pick ourselves up and start over.

I don’t do well with deprivation. I’m fine if I can’t afford something. I’m fine if I want something and it’s not available. I can always make it work out. However, I am not okay if something I want is available, I can afford it and I can’t have it. Not sure what that says about me. Almost like I’m okay with the circumstances that are unchangeable, but if I can change it I will do everything in my power to get what I want.

Including cheat on my eating plan.

Like I mentioned in my last post , I cheated hard core on Sunday. Well, hard core for this low calorie phase of the lifestyle restructuring. I ate poorly with my mother at breakfast, and I loved every minute of it. I said no to the treats at the theater, but on the way home I stopped three times (THREE TIMES) to get something else I craved. I bought a Twix, a Kit-Kat, Spicy Doritos, Sour Cream Cheddar Ruffles, and a piece of red velvet cake. I didn’t eat the full package of any of these foods. I didn’t want them. I just wanted a taste. Of the five things I bought and tasted, the only good one was the Twix.

When I was done I looked at the food in the trash. I’d only eaten quarter of the cake, about 10 chips from each bag, one of the Twix bars, and only a bite of the Kit-Kat. I didn’t feel bad about what I had done. I truly enjoyed every first bite and was proud of myself for stopping when I did. At that point I was so racked with cravings I could have eaten 7-Eleven out of business. But I only had a few bites of each thing and then threw it away. I was more interested in the why.

Why did I do this? Why couldn’t I stop myself from buying everything I wanted? Why did I remain so strong for so long, only to fall so easily? Is there something about me that is so self-destructive I can’t say no, even when my health and well being are on the line? Why do I cheat?

I’m only hurting myself when I do. No one else has a dog in this fight. As a matter of fact, I have so many supporters in this journey it takes my breath away. Cast and crew at the theater, my co-worker, my mother…..I have people around me who are rooting for me and remind me I am worth this. So why, when I’m alone in my car, do I think it’s okay to let myself down?

I don’t know. After thinking about this for a few days I can look back and really think about why. I still don’t have an answer. Because I can? That’s weak. Because it’s there? Weak. Because I want it? Weak. I didn’t need the food. I was hungry, but I could have had an apple.

Maybe I did it to prove that I still have the choice. That I have the opportunity to cheat and I also have the power to give in. I can have the chocolate and the cheese and the fried foods. Go ahead Amie. No one is telling you that you can’t. But how did I feel after? Like a loser. Like a weak loser who was hiding in her car eating crap food like a fugitive. That’s nothing to be proud of. That’s the low.

Writing this now, I think I had to feel that I still have the choice so I can be strong enough to say no. I had to eat those foods again so I could feel that they truly aren’t worth it. I had to get that low in order to see how high I CAN go. I had see that I have the choice to say yes to the food, but the strongest Amie says yes to herself first.

The Strongest Amie eats whole foods and goes for long runs and smiles. The Strong Amie laughs with her friends, cooks fresh dinners and looks to the future. The Strong Amie looks at the choice she made on Sunday and high-fives herself for moving past it and moving on. The Strong Amie has a balance in her life. The Strong Amie is the one who will succeed.

Good luck out there.

2011 Goal Check-Up

Happy July!! Know what that means? BBQs, pool parties, the final HP movie (oh my goodness) and this- Amie’s Goal Check Up

I did this last year and found it really helped take stock of the year. Let’s me look at where I’ve been and what I want to accomplish in the next 6 months. I always put out more goals than are probably possible. Not only are there only 24 hours in the day, there are outside influences that hinder or help the goals. Such is the case for this 2011 wrap-up.

Resolutions and Goals are different things. A few years ago I started separating them because I was overwhelming myself with resolutions and then upsetting myself when I didn’t achieve all of them. So I get goals. Some of these goals have been on the list for the past three years and still haven’t been accomplished. (Might be time to reevaluate my goals next year. Set something a little more attainable. But I am learning. I don’t have “Win a Tony” on the goal list this year.

Here are my resolutions for 2011:

Resolutions
- No fast food
- No Soda
- Workout 5x week
- One letter mailed every week

How have I done? Well really, really well for the first five months. Then it kind of all fell apart. Last year I did no fast food and never cheated. Not when I was stressed, sad, hormonally eating or anything. I stayed far away and for Christmas I got to eat In-N-Out. It wasn’t very good so I felt confident in putting that on my list again this year. June saw me eat all the fast food I’ve been wanting to eat. And I paid the price. Upset stomach, bloated feeling all the time and just icky. So, while I did enjoy the 11p In-N-Outs after rehearsal, the next 6 months bring me back to reality and away from the drive-through.

No had soda this year, minus the one day I was throwing up all morning and needed Sprite. But that doesn’t count. It was medicinal. I find that I don’t really miss it, unless I’m looking to mix my Jack with something. And since I always have a Jack and Coke on my father’s birthday, I will have one this month. But then back on the horse.

I have not gone to the gym, per se, 5x a week. But I do work out. Whether it’s rehearsal, a run before rehearsal or stretching while on break from rehearsal, I have kept this one up. Probably the only reason I haven’t gained any weight this year.

One letter mailed? Wow- that one didn’t even get off the ground. I need to get on this. I’ll take July off from worrying about it and then start again in August. I enjoy writing letters and would like to be better about it. However, it’s not going to break my heart if this resolution goes away in 2012.

And my goals?

Goals
- Down to 140lbs and maintain (HA HA HAAAA!! I had an amazing goal for this and absolutely no follow through. I even did a whole blog about it. And a Challenge. Guess what- the wedding is next week and I have not lost a single pound this year. I’ve slimmed out. I’ve toned up. But weight? Still holding strong. So I now have set the goal date as when I leave for school for the 20lbs and then maintain. That I can totally do!)
- Pay off 12k in debt (I have paid off a little over $5000 so far this year. Baby steps.)
- Repay Schwab for massage school (This is going to have to go on the back burner for the rest of the year. Much like my entire massage career.)
- Book a ship or Jubilee (Went to the Jubilee audition and rocked it. But no go. So this will have to wait another year)
- ROCK grad school aud, get accepted (DONE!!! Whew! Cross that OFF the list!)
- Book 5 shows (technically done. Anything Goes, All Shook Up, Seussical, Into the Woods and grad school. Not too shabby of a year)
- Edit movie reel (Also on the back burner. I no longer look, or act, the way I did 10 years ago and shouldn’t send out a reel that doesn’t show who I am now. This goal will be revisited in 2013 when I’m done with school and back in LA pounding the pavement. Unless I’m performing on London’s West End.)
- Run 6 marathons (Hmmm…..still time for this. I have done 1 this year, mostly due to the fact that I have been doing shows. I have run four ½ marathons, which is awesome. I am looking forward to running some beautiful races in Europe)
- New headshots (Again, not really needed right now. I don’t need them for grad school so I’m off the hook for the next year.)
- Straight As in SMC classes (I dropped my SMC classes for spring when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to take my three classes and do a show and work full time. And when I realized I wasn’t going to be a PT any time soon.)
- Write lounge act (Going to work on this in England. What better place to have a cabaret than in a city that doesn’t have a clue who I am?)
- Organize and maintain desk (HA! Again, not so much. It helps that I’m moving this week and it’s all just getting tossed into a box for another year)
- Write, finish, option 3 scripts (Nope)
- Get a dog (Nope. When I found out about school I realized this dream has to be on the back burner as well.)
- Book 5 movies (Nope)
- Buy a good car (YES!! I love my car and I hope I can keep her. She’s so cute!)
- Don’t get further into debt (I succeeded in this as well. Until now. I have a week without money so I’ll have to borrow from MasterCard a little. Oh, and there is the $40k school loan I have pending. That adds a little. But it’s good debt!)

There is the year so far. 17 attainable goals- 4 of which are no longer viable options and are off the list. I have completed 5, a little less than half. Gives me 6 moths to finish out the next 8. Totally doable.
I put this out there to keep myself accountable and to let people see that we all have little oops-s in our planning and goal setting. We all work hard and move forward and try to be better.

We are all in this together. What am I adding for the next 6 months?
- Get to England with great student loans
- Reprogram myself and the way I look at my dating life
- Be kinder to myself
- Successfully move in with Becca and create a wonderful place to live
- Create a student budget and stick to it
- Enoy the rest of the year. I'm taking a HUGE leap in September and all I can do is work hard and make the best of it. That is the ultimate goal.

Here’s to an amazing next 6 months and rocking the rest of 2011!!