Today I wanted to quickly check in and tell you about a win. I watch Biggest Loser every week on Hulu.com and it inspires me. I know these people are playing for $250,000 but they are also busting their butts every week. Kicking their own ideas of what they can and can't do and creating new realities for themselves. This week one of the most inspiring people had to leave and I cried with everyone on the show. She has lost 204 lbs. during her yearlong journey. That's more than an entire person! So in honor of her hard work I worked hard too and put my will power to the test.
I didn't have pizza tonight.
Here's the backstory to that. I love pizza. A lot. Who doesn't? And I love finding new pizza that is so good it makes you want to cry. But living alone I got into the bad habit of ordering a large (since it's cheaper than a medium) and then eating until I was disgustingly full. I started this awful habit after my father died. I would go to my apartment, feel awful, order a pizza and eat the whole thing. When I lost the first round of weight with Jenny Craig I got out of the habit and haven't really gone back that way since. This spring I have slipped back down the slide of weight gain.
This ritual plays into everything mentally wrong with my weight loss journey. I feel like I deserve pizza. So I buy one. Then I feel guilty for spending the money on that when I should have gotten real groceries. So then I use the guilt to fuel eating the entire pie so I don't feel like I wasted my money. The entire pie. That's pizza enough for four people and I eat it all. Then I feel this amazing sense of accomplishment and pride. Then the eventual disgust with myself for being so weak and giving in, when saying "no" is always an option.
Tonight I was strong and I said "no" to the pizza. I didn't walk to the parlor (did I mention this pizza place is only three blocks from my house). I didn't spend money I don't have on pizza I don't need. I didn't reward myself for the yard work I did or justify my bingeing in any way. I just told myself "no" every time I thought I pizza. I told myself I didn't need it and I was stronger than the pizza. Keep in mind I also haven't eaten since lunch so pizza was the fast and easy choice. I have a habit of eating a lot of food when I'm alone and I was alone all day. And I'm smack in the middle of the girlie hormone week and logic isn't usually part of the equation. There were a lot of factors working against me in this little test.
Weight loss and changing your life is a step by step journey. Sometimes the steps are huge and the pounds melt off. That isn't happening for me. I haven't lost a pound in over a month. Due mostly to my crappy eating (I also have a weakness for 7-eleven taquitos. My next will power goal is saying "no" to those) and not being motivated to work out because the show kicks my butt four nights a week. Sometimes the steps are small. Tonight I had my small victory. I didn't eat pizza. It's a step.
I ate a crappy lunch and a handful of M&Ms and half a bottle of wine. So it wasn't a win-win day all around. But I broke a habit tonight. I didn't give into my weaker pizza loving side and I said "no" to the pizza. And I feel really good about.
How about you? What are your bad habits? Anything you want to break this year?
