The White Bikini Challenge- Chicago Style

My goal in Chicago is to get into grad school. But I would be remiss if I didn’t also talk about food and keep the long term goal in my head. And I’ll be honest, not much of what I ate in the windy city was good for me. Almost none of it, when it’s all laid out in front of me. But it was all hard earned and well worth it. So here is the breakdown of what I ate during my trip to Chicago. I thought it would be easier to just dedicate an entire blog to food than try to add it in with all the other crazy stories about auditions. I took a lot of food with me on this trip because I’m trying to live within a budget. So I had a supply of Luna and Balance bars as well as pretzels, chips, trail mix and almonds. All food that doesn’t melt and will save me when the angry hunger monster appears.

Saturday- not gonna lie. This was not my finest day of eating. Breakfast was a cheese enchilada and a chicken burrito, with rice and beans. Then a tube of whole grain Pringles and a bag of dark chocolate covered pretzels. Yup- that was my entire food consumption for the day. Not a single vegetable.

Sunday- I did a little better. I had a Luna bar for breakfast and a cup of black tea. I was too nervous to eat anything before my audition so I just lived with the hunger pains that inevitably appeared about 5 minutes before I went in for my audition. Immediately afterwards I headed to Subway for a sandwich since they are a budget friendly $5. I had a foot long buffalo chicken on wheat with cheese and….wait for it….ranch dressing. And I ate the entire thing. For dinner I had a sushi roll from Trader Joe’s (grocery shopping, using a gift card, to save even more money) and a beer.

Monday- I had cheese and crackers for breakfast. And after my audition I had a pink sprinkled donut from Dunkin Donuts and a large iced coffee with vanilla. And an egg wrap. I had a beer for lunch and then went out for dinner at a French Bistro with my friend Penney. We had red wine, brie, ratatouille, white fish risotto, bread pudding and chocolate mousse. It was so good.

Tuesday- Cheese and crackers for breakfast again. (See, I am capable of eating what I bought from the store). Lunch was a Balance bar and a free muffin from the USC breakfast table. I was still too nervous to eat anything real. When auditions were done (yippee!) I headed straight to a deep dish pizza and a beer. I had a Chicago home brewery beer at the bar while I waited and then took my pizza home to my bed and enjoyed almost the entire thing. And a hand-filled cannoli, which might have been the best one I’ve eaten. A perfect food end to my stay.

And when it’s all said and done, I weighed myself this morning and I lost a pound during my time out there. Pizza, beer, Pringles and all! Lesson learned? Full nights of sleep and lots of walking (and NOT sitting my butt at a desk) can negate a poor diet……in a pinch.

The Path to Grad School- Day 1

Today I am in Chicago. I have been to Chicago several times in my life. In 2003 I ran my second marathon here. That’s where I met my friend Penney, a funny story I will write about in a different post. I returned in 2005 for a weekend away with my friend Cathy, meeting up with both Penney and my college friend Christine). In 2008 I came back for Penney’s wedding and in 2009 I ran a ½ marathon out here as part of my insane quest to get all the medals in the Rock n Roll series. So when I got off the plane today it felt like I was coming home. I knew my way around the airport, I knew which train to take to get to my hotel and I knew what to expect from the cold and the wind. And Chicago doesn’t disappoint.

I don’t know if it’s my frequent trips or if it’s my personality. I don’t know if it’s my life experience or just having gypsy blood. But every time I land in a city I immediately feel like I live there. I am comfortable. I can feel my way through the streets and take on the energy of the city. I truly feel like I’m home the moment I get off the plane, half expecting to head to my apartment. I felt this way through every leg of my Greece trip, even when we were only in cities for a night. I am at ease traveling and I enjoy it so much. I feel like I belong everywhere and am exactly where I should be. This trip to Chicago feels the same way.

I take the train into the city from Midway. I am thankful for my strong legs to bring me up and down the stairways (reminiscent of my days in NYC) and my strong arms to carry my suitcase. I exit at Chicago off the Red Line and head up into the streets and get my bearings. The city is gorgeous. It is blanketed in snow, white and pure and soft. A huge smile breaks across my face as I pull my cap down over my ears and start in the direction of my hotel. I love an adventure! I pass the historic water tower and before I turn left towards my hotel I look to the right, down Michigan Ave. It is too cold, and I am carrying too much luggage, to stop and window shop but I see Victoria’s Secret, Bloomingdales, Macy’s, H&M and so many wonderful high-end stores I feel compelled to enter. I don’t, though, knowing my bank account is barely handling this trip, let alone a pop in to Tiffany’s. I console myself with the idea of a warm bed at the end of my walk and I start dragging my suitcase to my hotel.

I am staying at the Hilton Suites, which is right next door to the Hancock Tower. I got the hotel through Priceline and I am so glad I did. The association I am auditioning through have a block of rooms at the hotel where the auditions are being held. I called a few months ago and booked a room, at the startling rate of $129. Which I know is not expensive for downtown Chicago. But I am in Chicago for four nights and it kind of hurt to think about paying over $600 just for the room. I put in a priceline bid for $50 at a 3.5 star in the same area and I got it. Whew! So the Hilton it is!

I check in, give them my Hilton Honors VIP number (here I come free night!) and head up to my room. It is so big! A one bedroom suite with a fridge and a microwave. A bath tub (not common in big city baths because of space), a desk for me to work on and a living room, complete with couch and television. But my favorite part? The king-sized bed with seven pillows and a view of Lake Michigan. I am in heaven.

Saturday is my “down time” day. I have nothing but time, so I set out unpacking and going through my ritual. I didn’t realize I had a ritual until I went to Greece and found that I did the same things in the same order every time I got to a new room. I stay in a LOT of hotels in my life. I love them more than I love my own apartment, and I definitely have a way I do things.

I walk around and see what there is, taking stock of what is around and what I’ll be using. I’m pleased to see a little vanity where I can get ready in the morning. It is just a cute little addition to the room and makes me smile. I pull the suitcase rack out of the closet and set it up in the living room. I never unpack my clothes in a hotel. I’m not sure why. I will unpack everything else, including toiletries and paperwork and even my shoes get taken out and lined up next to the door, but the clothes always stay in the suitcase. I unpack all my papers and put them on the desk. I take my toiletries into the bathroom and put everything where it goes. Nothing in drawers (in case I accidentally leave them) but everything gets laid out to be used.

When I have unpacked to my liking, and called my mom to tell her I made it safely, I throw myself onto the bed. Literally throw. Flop down on the gorgeous white sheets and start pulling all the pillows to me. I have already pulled the extra blanket out of the closet and I turn the television on. Within minutes I am asleep, using my downtime to its fullest. There is nothing better for me, before I head into the craziness of grad school auditions, than the sweet sleep that immediately envelopes me.

Well, nothing better than a nap and the entire tube of Whole Grain Pringles I eat four hours later when I wake up.

White Bikini Challenge- Thursday 3 Feb 2011

My current diet is like a great boyfriend, with husband potential, that I cheat on…..with carbs.

I am failing. There is no way around it. And I am hitting a major wall. I know I am only a few weeks in, and weight will go up and down. I know that this is a long term goal and I have allowed for a slow, healthy weight drop. But I am frustrated and I am not really sure what to do about it.

I am back to 172 lbs. Back where I was 3 weeks ago. Back above 170. Back where I hate to be. I KNOW it’s just a number. I feel fine. I am active and my body is working really well. But this number is what I am trying to get past. This number is what I am taking on as a challenge and trying to prove to myself I can do. This weight loss is about looking good, but it’s also about figuring out the “why” of things.

I read this article today about the link between our mentality and our ability to lose weight. One quote is stuck in my head: You cannot achieve your goal until you change your behavior. I reworded it so it is something I can say to myself (I cannot achieve MY goal until I change….) and it is a small glimmer of a new way of thinking. I hit upon this last year when I took stock of my life and where was headed. The idea being that we need to change our future. In order to do that we have to change our present, which is really our past. If I want a different future I need to change what I do NOW so that tomorrow I will have changed my past. This works in life goals and it works in weight loss goals.

I need to change my now.

This all makes perfect sense to me. It is logical and intricate and interesting. I love it. And yet I cannot seem to change my now. I am constantly derailed and so easily taken off my path. And I can justify it! And it’s driving me crazy.

I ate a donut this week. And more bagels than anyone should eat. I had two on Saturday, two on Tuesday, and two on Wednesday. Each with a healthy slathering of cream cheese. So it’s no wonder I have gained the weight back. I’m also drinking coffee, not sleeping and not working out. No real surprise why the pounds have come back. But instead of feeling revived that I know what the problem is and I can change it, I feel defeated and start to want to give up. I start to think "of course" and "why bother". I won’t give up, I’m too into it now. Plus if I throw the towel in I will have a legion of angry fans calling for my head. Or, just my four friends who read this telling me I can’t give up because I’m better than that.

I’m just thrown and lost and really frustrated. The White Bikini seems hopelessly far away and kind of stupid. It feels completely unattainable and not worth it.

I just have to work through this, figure out the WHY of what I’m doing and keep plugging along. We all have down days and we all get off track. (Did you live through the Bush years? Even a country can go off kilter for a while.) I have the rest of today to eat well and get my head on straight. I have a fun rehearsal tonight and I leave for Chicago in 42 hours. I have a lot of good. A few extra lbs can’t keep me from seeing all of that.

The difference between failure and success is perseverance

And you? Any stumbling blocks this week? Anything you’d like to feel down on yourself about so I can give you a virtual hug?