Monday, November 22, 2010

Birthdays Should Be A Week Long!

Some people can argue that my birthday started with my trip to Greece. It was two weeks off work, an international vacation and totally selfish use of time and money. But in reality, that trip was a celebration of years of hard work and running miles put in. It was a gift to myself for the hours I don’t like my job or my path in life. A year of paying off bit by bit so I could go to Greece with money in my pocket and no trip debt. And I’ll admit that on more than one occasion I treated myself to a little something extra by saying “It’s my birthday so I’m going to….” But in reality, my birthday has been the past week and I can honestly say I haven’t felt this loved in a really long time.
This year I have been given the gift of a week of celebration and by the end of this week I will have seen everyone I can fit into a schedule. Its started Thursday night when I was treated to a movie night with my movie buddy, Eric. We went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter 7.1 and I LOVED IT!! Totally worth only getting 3 hours of sleep the next night. They Friday was our dress rehearsal for Family and Friends. Every year my caroling group does a concert, and it always falls on the weekend of my birthday. So a few years ago we started doing “Amie-Palooza” and making an event out of it. I know people won’t usually come out and play unless there is a reason. So I gave them one. And I have been right every year. Friday we went to Hero’s, a bar in Fullerton. We ate nachos and drank beer and laughed and had a really good time. It’s a different group every year and I love getting to hang out with everyone.
Saturday we had our first caroling gig and then I got to go see Eric perform his firs Jedi Elvis concert. It was so awesome to go support a friend in his dream. And he was really good. Don’t be surprised when Jedi Elvis is on iTunes and booking Las Vegas. This is going to go somewhere! Then Saturday night was the concert and I got to hang out with all my caroling people. It was so good. I love this group so much. The concert was awesome and the two new songs we did rocked the house and made them laugh. It was a good thing. Then we headed over to El Torito for some Mexican food and margaritas. Both were good, but the company was better. It was a large group of us and as I sat there and looked around at all these people I share my life with, I felt very blessed.
Sunday I did a benefit for Fullerton Civic Light Opera and got to spend a part of my birthday weekend with some new people. The event went very well, took lots of pictures and I got to be a showgirl for my birthday. It was so much fun. Then us girls went to BJs for Bloody Marys and I got to make new firneds and felt my heart get a little more full. Theatre people fall into two categories when you really break it down. People you get along with and people you don’t. When you don’t get along with someone, you smile and nod and trust that soon the show will end and you won’t have to see them again for a while. When you get along with someone you don’t want the show to end. Talking is effortless and the time goes by too fast. You can’t wait to book the next show because you know you might see them again. That is how I felt with the girls last night. Time flew too fast and soon I was heading home, wishing them well and looking forward to our next birthday night out.
Then I woke up this morning and I was 32. I started getting the facebook wishes right at midnight, and even a few texts from my friends who were still awake. The amount of love I feel from facebook today is overwhelming and has made me cry several times. There is something powerful about people coming out of the woodwork to wish you well. I know it only takes 5 seconds to post on facebook, but they did it. And for that fraction of time I was sharing my day with them, and they were sharing theirs with me. It is power. The best part is that the celebration isn’t over. Tonight is dinner with my best friend and rehearsal where I get to make pretty music with people I love. Tomorrow I get to sing at Knott’s and then have BJ shots at Claim Jumper. Then heading to see Burlesque with some Follies girls- more people I love. And on Wednesday I go home and see my family. Then Thanksgiving on Thursday. So from literally the start of Friday to the end of Thursday I will have seen more people who mean the world to me than anyone should be lucky enough to have.
And because I am so happy and so in love with this week, I petition for everyone to take a full week for their birthday when they can. Spread the love, share the love and feel the love. Truly appreciate the people who love you and care about you. I often think that no one would care if I was gone. I have wasted time thinking that I don’t make a difference to people and am wasting my life. I could not be more wrong. People do care and people do know and I do make a difference. It’s nice that we get a week to be able to feel that and share that feeling with other people.
Thank you for making my birthday week so wonderfully amazing.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Running crazy

I’ve been sidelined from running for almost two weeks now. Last Monday I woke up unable to move without pain. My left hip locked up and every step was a challenge. I suffered through the day, thinking I just slept wrong and it would be fine. But I set up a massage appointment with my friend Heather because the pain was unbearable. Tuesday was the same thing; sitting hurt, driving hurt, walking hurt, standing hurt. I met with Heather and she kicked my hips’ ass. I was almost crying, but I knew the pain was a good pain and we were working out the adhesions and pain but OH MY GOSH! Ow. I iced my hips that night, wore flat shoes for days and slowly started to feel better. I wanted to start working out but the thought was exhausting and every time I went to get dressed for the gym my hips would ache and sitting was such a better plan.

Well it’s been 10 days and I’m ready to get back out there on the work out horse. I don’t want to lose the momentum of Greece and the training for that. I have New Orleans to run in Feb and LA coming up in March. I have to get back out there. But more than just future runs, I need to get back out on the pavement because I’m going stir crazy. Everything feels a little less fulfilling. I need the release of a good run. I need the feeling of being present and alert and focused on one task. I need the repetition of one foot in front of the other. I miss it. I miss being active. This sitting and being injured is for the birds.

So tonight I have rehearsal for a dance show and that will get me up and moving again. The goal is that will propel me back to the gym and back to the world of the active living. I need to sweat. I need to push my body and work.

And I need to lose 10lbs. But that’s for another post.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should

I often stay in things longer than I should. Relationship, jobs, cars, homes. I enjoy being comfortable and I enjoy having control over where I am and what I’m doing. So staying in something is my way of controlling the situation. Even if the situation is a sucky one. The other part of it is that there are usually things about the sucky situation that I like. But that doesn’t mean I should stay there.

For example, I really like the organizational busy work that is an office. I like office products. I like making copies and collating them and having neat stacks when I’m done. I like organizing people and having plans and keeping things moving. I feel comfortable in an office. I know the feeling of it and how to sit at a desk all day and keep myself busy. But these jobs do not get me anywhere. Loving the sound of a running copier isn’t going to make me any money. Going into the supply cabinet and getting a rush from seeing all the office supply boxes neatly lined up isn’t going to move me up the corporate ladder. Or the creative one. Just because I am good at filing and faxing and making copies doesn’t mean I should stay at this dead end job.

What is it about these things that keep us? I know in my heart that there is something better for me out there. I am certain with all of my being that I am not here on this earth to keep this chair warm. So why do I freeze up when the opportunity to leave comes up? Why, when faced with the option of never having to do this mundane work again, do I suddenly find all the good? All the things that I will “miss” when yesterday I couldn’t get away from them fast enough.

I tried to quit my job last week. But mountainous debt and a 9% unemployment rate in the US kept me here. What is it going to take to push me out of this frustrating comfort zone? When am I going to grow up and start living my life, instead of the life path I am currently on? When am I going to be strong enough to quit the job, buy the car and live a better life? And why am I so scared to trust that I can. That I am better than this life I have right now. That I am worth more than the life I’m living. When will I trust that?

Probably tomorrow.