HCG- Days 1&2- Two days of EATING!!

My favorite part of this diet, other than the projected weight loss? Phase 1. During the first two days on the drops you are asked to eat high calorie, high fat foods to stimulate your hypothalamus gland and store up calories with the hormone now in your system. Whipped cream on that? Yes please! Milk shake? Yup. Fries? Well, I don’t usually eat french fries, onion rings are my weakness, but sure! Two days of saying yes to everything.

These two days are also a time to say good bye to foods since the diet is so strict for 30 days. And ultimately I will not return to these negative eating habits, so it’s a true good-bye. Here is what I ate Saturday and Sunday:

Saturday- large blended mocha with whipped cream, two donuts, foot-long Italian subway sandwich with cheese, ravioli, cheese bread, 24oz beer, frozen yogurt, linguine, jack and coke, Taco Bell big box. (whew! That’s a lot of food)

Good bye donuts, blended mochas, Taco Bell and cheesy Italian food.

Sunday- McGriddle, large iced Carmel mocha with whipped cream, 7-11 taquitos, another iced coffee, cheeseburger, strawberry milkshake, filet mignon, Cesar salad, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, ice cream, bottle of wine and shots.

Goodbye McDonalds, In-n-Out, 7-Eleven, and ice cream

There you go. Food I will not eat again for a month. There are no cheat days on this food plan. Looking at that food list I’m impressed and a little ill. This is not the food of a healthy person. This is someone who doesn’t care and is just eating because she feels she deserves it. No one deserves to treat their body like this. It’s a machine that needs love and nurturing and good fuel. The sad part? I felt great all weekend. No bloating or upset stomach or anything. That only tells me I am in deeper than I thought. My body should be repelling these foods, not accepting them as par for the course.

Tomorrow starts the 1000 calorie days for a month. 30 days of conscious choices and smart food plans. 30 days of getting back in touch with my body, why I eat what I eat and why I feel I “should”. It’s only 30 days of saying “no” and drinking tea instead of beer. 30 days to change my life forever? I can do this. I have to do this.

Here’s to tomorrow!

HCG- Why this one?

After weeks of reading every article online I decided on doing the HCG diet. Trust me, I didn’t enter into this lightly. As a struggling artist and soon to be starving grad student I certainly don’t have the $100 to spend on something other than getting out of debt. And, like always, I wanted to be able to be strong and say “If I just work harder I can do this without paying for programs or anything”. But when I’m honest with myself I see that I am not that strong. I don’t do well with long-term incentives. I promised myself a trip to Vegas and a new white bikini if I lost 20 lbs in 6 months and I couldn’t do it. I’m actually heavier than when I set that goal in January. I know that I need something with lighting fast results that will change my life. HCG sets that standard.

There is a lot of information about the HCG diet. More than I can put here. Plus you’ll want to do your own reading if you’re interested. The gist of the diet is HCG is the hormone that pregnant women use to pull nutrition from their body to feed the fetus. Oor bodies are pretty brilliant. Dr. Simione discovered that if he injected this hormone into non-pregnant people their bodies will start to use the stored calories the same way. Fast forward 54 years and I’m ordering it online. The claim is a woman can lose 20 lbs in a month (men upwards of 30lbs the first month) and keep it off because your body readjusts itself. Like a resetting. I have been this weight for 3 years. I need something to shake things up and get moving in the right direction.

The saying “If it’s too good to be true it probably is” might work with this diet. Afterall, of COURSE I’m going to lose weight quickly. I’m restricting my calories to 1000 a day, cutting out dairy, carbs and sugar. I’m obviosuly going to lose weight. However, the drops (whether placebo effect or true help) are what’s going to keep me in line and successful. I have to take the drops 3 times a day. So three times a day I am forced to re-evaluate what I’m doing and look at my choices. I can’t just blindly go through life any more, not paying attention to the outcome of my actions.

I got the drops this morning and I am ready to roll. I have a vision of what I’m going to look like in 30 days. I have motivation. My co-worker is doing it as well, giving me a burst of support. I am being open and honest with everyone so there is an understanding that this is important to me and I am determined to succeed.

I am doing this!

Time to work through the weight pain

I currently weigh 172.2 pounds. It’s hard for me to write that, let alone put it online where everyone can read it. 172 is an ugly number to me. One that I am not proud of. I see that and all I think is "I'm fat. I can't possibly be that weight. What the hell?!!?"

I don’t look like I weigh that much. I carry myself well, dress for my shape and position myself correctly when I take picture. But I weigh 172 pounds. That's the hard truth and and there’s no reason to hide behind it any more. There is such a stigma to the numbers on the scale and we are raised to never ask a woman’s weight or her age. I want to beat down that notion and learn to be at peace with my weight.

However, being at peace is not the same as being complacent, which is what I have been. Today I weigh the same as I did three years ago when I lost my father. I ate everything with him and then when he died I kept eating, didn’t care about calories or fat or the repercussions. I felt life was too short to say “no” any more and I wanted to enjoy life. And I have. I love my life and the people I share it with. And I know they all love me no matter what the scale says. There is great comfort and support in that.

I have tried diets and working out, Jenny Craig, low-carb and low-calories, personal trainers and endurance event training. Nothing has helped shed these extra 20lbs. I’m certain age is also a factor since I haven’t been able to lose since turning 30. It’s frustrating. I get fired up about losing the weight, read about every diet possible and then a week into it find a reason to stop. Usually it’s because I’m tired of feeling deprived. I won’t lie- more than once I have justified my poor eating with “I don’t have a father, might as well eat.” Or, “I’m going to die in 20 years any way. Why deny myself?” Or, “It’s not worth worrying about; weight doesn’t matter because my dad is gone.” It’s not a pretty picture to paint for myself, but there it is. I have been hiding behind my grief and allowing my weaker self to take over, and it has wreaked havoc on my body. I’m done.

The time has come to work through all the pain and self-esteem issues I am carrying. These extra pounds are all just bad choices. It’s sleeping instead of going to the gym. It’s justifying the drive-thru instead of being honest with myself and saying I don’t really need it. It’s looking for instant gratification with the joy of food instead of learning patience and calm and respect for myself.

It’s time to love myself, and that means putting my food choices and health before the fear that I’m going to miss something. I eat because there is a part of me that truly feels I could die tomorrow so why not enjoy life today. Living in fear is no way to live. I have no interest in dying at 52. I plan to live to be over 100. I have no interest in hiding in flowing skirts and sweatpants because nothing fits. I want to enjoy fashion and my body. I am very comfortable in my skin right now. I have no trouble getting naked in front of people because I accept that this is where my body is now and worrying about it, or hiding “seductively” under a sheet isn’t going to change anything. Part of getting older is accepting where we are in life and who we are, and then working hard to be better. Part of living is seeing there is a way out of any tunnel you’ve dug for yourself. The digging starts now.

I am 172.2 pounds. It’s too heavy for my size. It’s too heavy for my comfort. It’s not who I am. But I'm posting this number so I have a starting place and a jumping off point. This number is going to go down. It's going to change. I want proof that my hard work paid off.

I am not going to quit on myself this time. I'm too important to live half a life.

Brown teeth- pissed off actress

DO NOT USE CREST PRO-HEALTH MOUTHWASH!!!

DO NOT USE CREST PRO-HEALTH MOUTHWASH!!!

DO NOT USE CREST PRO-HEALTH MOUTHWASH!!!

Last night, after returning home from a wonderful day at the faire, I went to floss my teeth. I had eaten a LOT of food and wanted a fresh start in the morning. I looked at my bottom teeth and saw brown stains all over the sides. Dark brown stains that caused me worry. I looked like a smoker. My teeth are usually beautiful and clean, something I pride myself on. Yet here I was with teeth like a 90-yr-old tobacoo chewer.

Needless to say, I freaked out. I flossed, literally scraping the sides of my teeth in an effort to get the brown off. Nothing. I rinsed with Crest Pro-Health mouthwash (like I do twice a day, every day) and brushed my teeth for an extra 2 minutes. I went to sleep, hoping the problem was on it's way out of my life.

This morning the stains were still there so I went online. What did I find? Since 2008 there have been complaints to Proctor and Gamble about this product turning teeth brown. WHAT?!!? Websites all over the web had testimonies from people about how their teeth had turned brown after usuing the mouthwash.

I am livid. I emailed the company today and am writing this bog as more proof of how Crest screwed over their customers. Apparently there is a very small warning on the bottle, telling us there is a slight possibility of staining. That is useless to me. Who reads the BACK of a mouthwash bottle? Especially on a product from a company as respected as P&G?

Most of the posts from denists and consumers alike say I have to go in and get it profesisonally done. They say it's possible, but time consuming. However, I will also start using Listerine again (like I should have done in the first place) and brushing with baking soda, rinsing with peroxide. I cannot have permanently stained teeth. I have a career that is dependant on looks. I refuse to work my ass of to lose these next 20 lbs only to be benched by a teetch cleaning product.

Needless to say, I will not be using this product again. I will not use anything Crest again, and will think twice before buying anything P&G. I will also use every outlet in my power to make sure no one else uses it. Crest has lost my loyalty and my business for the rest of my life. I have to go to the dentist (without dental insurance) and pay for a cleaning, which I can't afford. Otherwise I'll have the teeth of a smoker. And who wants to hire a princess who looks like a smoker?

I am pissed. And disappointed in P&G. This will teach me to not trust big companies any more than I need to.

DO NOT USE CREST PRO-HEALTH MOUTHWASH!!!

Dating tips from the front lines – Part 2

I’m heading into another week on this ride known as life, and I have more to share about dating and boys. Last week proved to be a week of growing pains and I have no interest in any other singleton out there going through the same pain. I survived and you can too. Here we go:

- Blogging is not always a good way to get a guy on your side. My blog is funny and honest and walks the line of appropriate. However, if the guy you just made an example of gets his feelings hurt, maybe it’s too far. Or is it? After writing about my chance meeting last week the boy wrote me a letter explaining his side of things. He had read my blog and told me he didn’t realize how much I had been hurt by him not calling. It was obvious he was really upset and I have to admit I took a little comfort in that. He hurt me (a little) and I was glad he got to see my side of things. So lesson learned - write what you want to write, but be ready for the fall out. Be damn sure you are standing strong on your side of the story.

- Sending provocative pictures to someone you have never slept with is never a good idea. NEVER. Once you have a picture of them feel free to send and send and send. But you have to have something in your back pocket for when they feel jilted. You don’t want to be the only one without collateral.

- Women- STOP PAYING FOR YOUR MEALS!! If you are on a date, and it is called a date, DON’T PAY! It sounds sexist, 1950’s, and goes against everything we’ve been taught about independence and self reliance. But trust me. If you want to see this man again, if you want to actually date him, do not pay. No one ever got laid by going dutch.

- For women- Do NOT call him. Do NOT text him. Do NOT Facebook him. Do NOT tweet him. Leave him the hell alone. He knows how to get ahold of you, I promise. He knows where you are. And he will find you. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t want to. And who wants someone who doesn’t want them?

- For men- Do NOT call/text/tweet/post or anything to a girl you think is on the fence. All we see is communication. We don’t make the distinction between “friend I’m saying hi to” and “woman I want to sleep with”. Until the lines are clearly drawn, leave us alone please. We have other men out there who aren’t being vague and we need to leave the lines open for them.

- Sometimes men want meaningful conversations. The good boys want to connect with you. I know, it’s crazy. I was taught that you sleep with them first and THEN wrangle them into hour-long discussions about life. Apparently that is not the case with all men. Just be warned ladies. You might have to actually talk to them.

- Gay isn’t always gay. Straight isn’t always straight. Sometimes they are walking the fine line of undecided. All you need to decide is if it’s worth walking with them.

I hope this helps. I am certain there will be more. This summer is proving to be a learning experience in more ways than I ever thought possible. And I’m not even in grad school yet.

Happy hunting!

Happy Birthday Papa

Happy birthday to the man I miss every day.

I love you dad! So very very much.

See you soon.

The Answer Waiting Room

I like instant gratification. I thrive on it. I like quickies and Netflix instant watch and pre-sliced veggies. I like things given to me when I want them, not on someone else’s time table. I like knowing the ending of a book before I open it, knowing if the guy gets the girl before I sit down to a movie and whether I’ll like what I ordered for dinner. Not to say I don’t like to try new things. I do. I love it. These new things are just usually at hand and ready, not something I need to wait for. This lifestyle works because I lived alone, am single, work alone and usually can make my own schedule. This need for instant pay off, the desire to have the answer yesterday, is something I nurture and despise at the same time.

The only time I do not mind waiting is when I’m sitting in a waiting room. I can patiently sit in a doctor’s office, at the post office, at the DMV, at an interview or a movie theater without expecting an answer. I even have patience if I wait and wait and then find out the meeting has been cancelled. I can’t control this change, so I just reschedule for a different time. It’s not a big deal. Made me think there should be a room in life where we go to wait, and the people we’re waiting to hear an answer from can meet us there and give it.

They would be called Answer Waiting Rooms and it would be wonderful.

The friend who stopped calling, stopped caring and just generally stopped being a friend to me would meet me there to give a reason. They would answer my questions. If they don’t show up? I get to move on. Because there’s a magic curtain I walk through as I’m leaving that makes it all okay. Makes me forget I wanted an answer at all.

The guy I’m waiting for knows that he has a certain amount of time to find me before the meeting is cancelled and I move on. And since I know that I can’t control whether he comes to the waiting room or not, if he misses the deadline I am free to move on. Walk through the curtain. No wondering “what if.” No imagining scenarios years in the future without anything to base the daydream on. If I’m ready for an answer and he’s not there to give it, I leave the waiting room and move on. What if it’s bad news? What if the guy I’ve been pining for walks into the room and says “no”? Well thank the gods! I have an answer! No more wondering. No more changing my life in expectation of something that isn’t going to come. No more “what if.” It would be glorious. Freedom to move on.

It would work in reverse too. I would get the chance to give answers. A letter comes to me, or a text, telling me to meet someone in their Answer Waiting Room. Telling me they need an answer from me and I have the choice to go or not. I would always go, because the frustration and the pain of not knowing is infinitely harder than dealing with the fall out of the truth. I would always go and would always be honest.

When my ex broke up with me I demanded he say the words. I knew it was over. I knew we were done and there was no going back. But I needed to hear it. I needed to hear the words come from his mouth that this was finished and there was no hope. I knew that if I didn’t hear those words from him in person I would spend too much time imagining a world where “This isn't going to work so I'm breaking up with you” means something else and there was still a chance. I knew that if I didn’t force him to do something painful I would waste more of my life in pain. It was exactly what I needed. I walked away from him with those words in my ears and my heart. I have replayed them in my head, reminding myself that the pain is real and the relationship is over. It was the loudest thought for weeks.

The Answer Waiting room is the safe place for life to happen. It’s filled with answers and conversations and reasons why, eliminating doubt and fear and frustration. “Do you like me as more than a friend?” “Why won’t you leave me alone?” “Why didn’t you call me?” “Do you see us going anywhere?” “Why wasn’t I enough for you?” It gives us all a jumping off point and allows us the freedom to move on and stop waiting.

Then one day we realize we don't need the AWR anymore. That we are enough, without knowing why. On that day we redecorate the room and use it as a home theater, invite our family and friends over and try take-away from the new Chinese place on the corner.

The Opposite of a "Cute-Meet"

Last night I went out with some friends to see a cabaret. The show was wonderful. It was touching and funny and reached deep into us as an audience and gave us something to believe in. I am always so happy to see my friends do what they love. However, because it’s my life, it couldn’t be just a night of live theater. There had to be some puzzle piece of intriuge. And I found it.

The cabaret was held at a theater in OC that is becoming more prominent in my world as I meet more actors and producers. One of the boys I’ve met this past year does a lot of shows there. I know this because I see him check in on 4square and on fb. (My stalking skills are amazing!) I’ll admit there was a part of me that truly hoped he would be there. I’ve spent time painting this amazing picture of him in my head, creating a god-like vision of a man who didn’t call me the morning after. We didn’t go all the way, obviously, but enough that when I drove home the next morning I thought for sure I would see him again. Apparently he thought differently, considering I never heard from him. Okay- I can handle that. It happens. Taking that into consideration, I’m not sure why this guy is even a part of my mentality. He doesn’t deserve it. However, he has been and I thought if I saw him I would be able to put the entire event to rest.

I walk into the lobby and of course zero in on him. My first thought? “Really Amie? THIS is who you were upset didn’t call you?” First off- he’s a baby! So young. And while my ego is pleased that I can still snag the cute ones, the adult in me is glad I don’t have to dress him. Secondly- he’s not as cute as I remember. Maybe because I’m sober when I see him this time. You know how some people get even more attractive the more you don’t see them? Then there are people who seem to get uglier as the days pass. He definitely did not get more attractive and he’s definitely not a god. He’s just…..a guy. Thirdly - he completely ignores me. No smile, no nod of hello, not even a faint blush and an embarassed turn away. I spend a few minutes saying hello to my friends, positioning myself so he gets a view of my outfit, my legs and flowing hair. I hug my friends extra hard as one by one I realize my strength comes from them and not the random boy in the corner.

He and I finally smile as the doors open and we head into the theater, but it’s obvious he is ackward and not sure what to do with me. Especially since I say hi to the woman (girl) he is now dating and make sure to introduce myself to his friends. You’re not going to get me down! No sir.

The biggest eye opener? The moment I hammered the final nail in the coffin of my obsessing? Later that night, on my way back to my table at the bar, I pass by him and make small talk. Nothing crazy or sexual or flirty. Just a conversation aknowledging we are in the same room together and have a history. He can’t even look me in the eye. He looks over my shoulder, gives me two word answers and just generally looks uncomfortable. While I continue my asinine conversation with him all I can think is, “Really?!!? I’ve seen you naked and you can’t even PRETEND to be interested in what I’m talking about?!” Amateur.

So how do I pay him back? I have a long conversation with his new girlfriend, right next to him. A much longer conversation than was needed. We talked theater and the cabaret and life and shopping and…..well just everything girls talk about. All while he sat at the bar, sweating, waiting for me to make my exit. I did, finally, and went back to my table of people. People I wouldn’t trade anything for. People who constantly remind me that I am enough. I am a strong, confident, empowered woman who cannot spend any more time dwelling on men who don't see that. Seeing the boy reminded me of that.

It’s the small moments, really, that show us the people who are worth our time and those who are really not. I’m glad I can confidently remove him from my list. (And Facebook. And 4Square) Now, if I can only get rid of a few more I will be all set.

Too much?

Last night, as I was driving home from rehearsal, I realized that I now have a bathtub and can take a bath. I decided I was going to take one, offering my poor muscles some time to rest. The idea of taking time for myself, a few moments of just sitting, brought tears to my eyes and I realized that maybe I am trying to do too much.

The schedule I’ve been keeping these past few weeks isn’t the smartest idea I’ve ever had, but I love theater and performing so I didn’t think too much about it. This is my career. It’s going to be like this my whole life. However, for as wonderful as live theater is, there remains a hole in my heart that I am trying to fix. So I keep piling on things; a garage sale, parties with the cast, breakfast with friends, late night drinks with cute boys, phone calls while I’m driving- all in the effort to connect with people. I’ve been on facebook more these past few weeks than my entire life. I check in on foursquare so I can see what people are doing. I write my blog to share my life with someone. I need to connect, because for as busy and wonderfully full as my life is right now, I feel empty inside. The final straw was signing up for an online dating site specifically to try to find a connection to fill this hole.

As I drove home last night I realized that being online looking for a date was just silly. (That’s a lot of realization for one drive home.) I don’t have any of myself to give anyone. Why would I offer that? Why wouldn’t I wait until I have time to spend with someone, and if I’m honest with myself, my heart to give to someone? Why, yet again, am I willing to put my needs aside for a relationship? Why am I trying to start something when I’m not fully present, ready to accept all the good that is out there in my life?

All these thoughts swirled in my head as the tub filled and my iPod played my massage therapy mix. I sat there, covered in lavendar scented bubbles, steeping my aching muscles in epsom salt, and I cried. I cried silent tears that ran down my face without me having to wipe them dry. I cried that cry that isn’t for anything in particular, but needs to happen. I cried the cry that men hate because they can’t fix it. I cried tears that didn’t give me a headache or leave me gulpping for air, but rather left me with a sense of peace.

When I woke up this morning I had a new sense of calm in my life. Yes, I have to figure out how to fit a one bedroom apartment into one bedroom. Yes, I have to move all my things with only my little Ford to help. Yes, I need to figure out how to pay for school and credit debt and my car while not working for a year. Yes, I need to memorize an entire show. Yes, I need to lose weight.

But today all I need to do is remember to breathe. It will all get done. It won’t get all done today. It won’t even get done this week. But my life is my life and I need to enjoy it. It is possible to enjoy it without having to find a date, see my friends every second or fill every moment of the day with someone just to be doing something. I am doing well in this life, and I don’t need someone else in it to make me feel fullfilled.

One of my favorite quotes is “God can’t steer a parked bus.” What I am learning is he also can’t steer a bus that is careening out of control with no one at the helm. I need to take back control, I need to take a moment and I need to remember that at the end of the day, it’s just life. It’s my life.

Tell yourself, how lucky you are.

Online Dating - Day 1

I signed up with a free online dating service simply to see what's out there and to entertain myself while I'm at work. I know I'm probably not going to actually date these men, but it doesn't hurt the ego to get 22 responses about how gorgeous my profile picture is. It is proving to be quite interesting, meeting lonely people online who are bored like I am.

My favorite moment so far:

A guy "quick messaged" me to tell me I was gorgeous and we would make pretty babies. I politely wrote back, thank you but I'm not interested in having kids right now. He replied that I should stop leading people on.

Umm......What?

Horrible Date Saga #1 – The Bread Mangler

We meet online and start chatting. He’s funny and has some of the same interests so we start phone calling and talking for hours. I kind of like his laugh and the way he says things. I don’t like how he suddenly has to leave, but maybe he’s playing it coy. There are a few other red flags, nothing specific yet, but little flutters in my gut telling me this might not work. I ignore them and we set up a date, not knowing that soon I would have all the specific red flags I would need.

During the day as I sit at a desk I plan out my night and what I’m going to wear. I am a vegan so he has planned to take me to a veggie restaurant in the valley. I have heard of it and am excited to go. He tells me, through our conversations leading up to “date night” that I should leave work early and get out to the valley before traffic. I tell him that’s not an option and I’ll get there when I can. He sighs and says “Fine. But you’re going to hit traffic.” I already feel like I’m in the middle of a married argument. Like we’ve had this fight 100 times about how I refuse to leave work early. (Red Flag #1). I end up get stalled at work and leave 30 minutes later than I want. I call and tell him that I’m rushing home to change and am on my way. He sighs again (apparently this date is really putting him out) and tells me to just call him when I’m about a mile away and he’ll get dressed.

I’m sorry- “get dressed”?!!? I’m driving 20 minutes out of my way to get ready for this date and he hasn’t even bothered to start getting ready. (Red Flag #2). AND he has picked a place that is 30 miles from my house and yet only one from his own. (Red Flag #3) I immediately call my sister and she tells me not to go. That I don’t owe him anything and he obviously doesn’t care if the date is going to happen or not. I have never stood someone up and I didn’t want this to be the first time. I tell her I’ll meet him halfway and then only stay for a drink. She tells me good luck.

I call him and tell him I hit traffic and it was going to take me over an hour to get to him. He says “I told you”. I take a deep breath and suggest we meet at the Cheesecake Factory in Sherman Oaks. It’s halfway and easy to find. He says he doesn’t feel like eating there but he “guesses” it will work. (Red Flag #4)

I get to the place, park and head inside. I sit down and order a vodka martini, dirty with extra olives, and ask the waiter to keep them coming. I sit and wait. And wait. And wait. 20 minutes after I sit down he walks in and says “I figured that was you. You already have a drink.” (Red Flag #5) He stands there like he’s waiting for something and it takes a few seconds for me to realize he wants a hug. Really? I don’t know you…..but….okay…..I guess. I stand and give him a quick hug and sit down.

The waiter comes over and my date asks for a Heffeweisen (“I love that beer” he says as he tries to smile at me. In fact making eye contact is even difficult for us at this point). The waiter leaves to get the beer and another martini for me. He brings back a basket of bread. I love Cheesecake Factory bread. But before I can even reach for any my date has pulled the entire basket to his side of the table and proceeds to pull both loaves out of the basket and tear them into chunks. He touches every part of the bread possible.

“Can you not touch all the bread, please” I ask, trying to be polite.
“What” he says, looking at me over the mangled bread “you have a problem with germs?”
“What? No. I just-“
“Next you’re going to tell me I can’t use the knife or touch anything else on the table” (Red Flag #6)

I’m speechless and more than a little irritated at this point. I try to laugh it off, something about how little I care about germs, when thankfully the waiter appears with our drinks. He gives me mine and hands my date his Hef. He looks at the beer and says “Is that an orange?”

“Yes sir” says the more than polite server.

“I can’t have citrus, I’m allergic. I need a new beer.” He doesn’t apologize, he doesn’t ask. He demands. (Red Flag #7)

The waiter looks at me as if to say “It’s a Hef. What idiot who says Hef is their favorite doesn’t know a slice of citrus comes with a Hef?” I just smile empathetically, trying to relay to my server that he and I were in this date together and just trying to survive. A few minutes later an orange-less Hef appears and my date starts drinking. Our server asks if we’re ready to order. I look at my date questioningly, “Did you want to eat?”

“Of course I’m eating. Don’t tell me you’re one of those girls who doesn’t order anything and then eats off my plate.” (Red Flag #8)

“Um….no. No I’m not.” I tell our server we need a little time, banter about the huge size of the menu, and he leaves.

My date and I talk for a little and it doesn’t take long before we are arguing. The bickering starts small, disagreements about movies and tv and politics. Probably some religion thrown in there. At some point I look to my right at the two girls sitting a table away from us. They have the most uncomfortable looks on their faces and I am embarrassed to realize that my date is the reason. Our arguing has left a negative taste in my mouth and I am really happy to see our water approach us again.

I order a salad and a cup of soup. Something light and easy to prepare, in the hopes I can get out of this date alive. My date looks at the menu for another long moment, turns to the waiter, hands him the menu and orders ORANGE CHICKEN.

My second martini disappeared before the waiter even turned the corner to place our order. I got up to 4 martinis and 14 Red Flags that night. Needless to say, there was no second date.

Dating Tips From The Front Lines - Part 1

Instead of my banging my head against the wall, always falling into a new dating trap, I’m going to use my power for good and try to help my sisters out by posting what I’ve learned. I’ll add these in periodically as I discover them in the dating battlefield, a series of blogs, each one highlighting new thoughts. I love all things relationship and sex and dating so I might as well use my blog to share what I experience.

- Meet his family.
If more than three months of continuous dating has gone by and you haven’t met ANYONE in his family, get out. I’m not talking parents necessarily. But three/four months in you should at least have met a second cousin on his mom’s side. YOU’RE TOO AWESOME TO BE A SECRET!

- Wait until “we” becomes “I”
If he is still referring to himself as “we” he still has his ex on his mind, in his heart and probably in his bed a few times a week. Save yourself the heartache and wait it out (preferably in the strong arms of a hot young thing) or move on to someone who has already moved on.

- Check his status says “Single”
If he is not listed as any kind of relationship the odds are he is in the middle of a “complicated” one. Maybe he has feelings for someone and they’re not reciprocated. Or he’s dating someone but not seriously enough to tell the world so he wants to keep his options open. Or he’s in the middle of a break-up and isn’t ready to date. Or he just doesn’t care enough to post anything, which happens because he’s a boy and FB isn’t that important to him. Bottom line- when someone is ready to date and meet someone, they will have “Single” as their relationships status because they want the world to know they are ready and available.

- He doesn’t share the bread
See my next post on a horrible dating experience I had. A man who takes the entire loaf of bread, touches every piece in the basket or simply doesn’t offer you any at all isn’t someone you want in your kitchen. Or your bedroom. Ever.

Good luck out there!

The Habit of Being Busy

Singletons are told we need to “keep busy”. Don’t sit and think about past relationships. Don’t wallow in your heart break, no matter how long ago they left. Don’t stay home, curled up in bed, just sitting around waiting for Mr./Ms. Right to come along. You have to get out into the world. Find a new hobby. Do some volunteering. Meet new people who share your interests.

Well I’ve done all that, made it a habit to try new things and say yes, and now I have an entirely different problem on my hands.

My week is packed down to the second. Other than when I sit my ass in this chair at work and look busy, I am active and putting too much into the hours Father Time gives me. These are all things that need to be done and things I enjoy doing. But they are causing me to miss out on life a little bit. People I haven’t seen in a while will inevitably ask me if I’m dating anyone. The ones who know me well always follow up their own question with “What am I saying? It’s you. You’re too busy to date.” I smile and agree and continue to use that as my excuse for the rest of the conversation. I’m too busy to date. I don’t have time for a boyfriend. Anyone I find will have to fit into my schedule because I certainly don’t have an extra second for him.

How is that healthy? What kind of man wants to walk into a packed calendar where I may or may not have time for him? That’s not what anyone wants. And if the shoe was on the other foot? Any man I meet better start clearing his schedule to spend time with me because I’m well worth it. But wait a minute…..aren’t they? Aren’t these future men I meet worth me making time for them? Aren’t they worth me looking at my life and deciding what can get pared down and what needs to stay? Maybe I’m using my busy schedule as one more wall to put up against commitment, true love and the possibility of being happy.

When is it “too busy” and when is it hiding?

This is the double edged sword of modern dating life. Fill your time so you look busy and interesting, but be ready for love and welcome it with the time and energy needed to allow it to flourish and grow. I am a single woman in my 30’s so by default I have my own bills, my own apartment, my own career and my own friends. I have several hobbies I have invested time and love into. I have dreams that I have spent over a decade nurturing. A man who walks into the world I’ve created is going to have to be strong and sure of himself because he’s up against a lot. In the same breath, if I had none of these things going on I wouldn’t be someone the man for me would even be interested in. I’ve created a dating catch-22.

All this and I dislike being home. It is not a comfort to me. It is not a refuge, it’s not calm, it’s not a haven. My home right now is somewhere I sleep between adventures. It’s where all my things are when they’re not in my car. I feel like that’s a turn off for men. Men in relationships usually like to be home and watch TV and share time with their woman. Will I adapt when the right man snags me? Will I see my house as a wonderful place because I’ll have someone to share it with? (Probably. Because even as I wrote that sentence a smile crossed over my face, thinking about long Sunday afternoons with my (future) bf, just existing together.)

So where do myself and other single people go from here? What is the right path? Do I stay busy, filling my time with what I love and the people I love, trusting that when the time comes I'll recognize the signs and stop for love? Or do I start slowing down a bit now and allow room for love? Maybe it’s another chicken and egg question. One that I’ll only know the answer to once I’m sitting on my couch, wrapped in my loves arms, making happiness my new favorite.

2011 Goal Check-Up

Happy July!! Know what that means? BBQs, pool parties, the final HP movie (oh my goodness) and this- Amie’s Goal Check Up

I did this last year and found it really helped take stock of the year. Let’s me look at where I’ve been and what I want to accomplish in the next 6 months. I always put out more goals than are probably possible. Not only are there only 24 hours in the day, there are outside influences that hinder or help the goals. Such is the case for this 2011 wrap-up.

Resolutions and Goals are different things. A few years ago I started separating them because I was overwhelming myself with resolutions and then upsetting myself when I didn’t achieve all of them. So I get goals. Some of these goals have been on the list for the past three years and still haven’t been accomplished. (Might be time to reevaluate my goals next year. Set something a little more attainable. But I am learning. I don’t have “Win a Tony” on the goal list this year.

Here are my resolutions for 2011:

Resolutions
- No fast food
- No Soda
- Workout 5x week
- One letter mailed every week

How have I done? Well really, really well for the first five months. Then it kind of all fell apart. Last year I did no fast food and never cheated. Not when I was stressed, sad, hormonally eating or anything. I stayed far away and for Christmas I got to eat In-N-Out. It wasn’t very good so I felt confident in putting that on my list again this year. June saw me eat all the fast food I’ve been wanting to eat. And I paid the price. Upset stomach, bloated feeling all the time and just icky. So, while I did enjoy the 11p In-N-Outs after rehearsal, the next 6 months bring me back to reality and away from the drive-through.

No had soda this year, minus the one day I was throwing up all morning and needed Sprite. But that doesn’t count. It was medicinal. I find that I don’t really miss it, unless I’m looking to mix my Jack with something. And since I always have a Jack and Coke on my father’s birthday, I will have one this month. But then back on the horse.

I have not gone to the gym, per se, 5x a week. But I do work out. Whether it’s rehearsal, a run before rehearsal or stretching while on break from rehearsal, I have kept this one up. Probably the only reason I haven’t gained any weight this year.

One letter mailed? Wow- that one didn’t even get off the ground. I need to get on this. I’ll take July off from worrying about it and then start again in August. I enjoy writing letters and would like to be better about it. However, it’s not going to break my heart if this resolution goes away in 2012.

And my goals?

Goals
- Down to 140lbs and maintain (HA HA HAAAA!! I had an amazing goal for this and absolutely no follow through. I even did a whole blog about it. And a Challenge. Guess what- the wedding is next week and I have not lost a single pound this year. I’ve slimmed out. I’ve toned up. But weight? Still holding strong. So I now have set the goal date as when I leave for school for the 20lbs and then maintain. That I can totally do!)
- Pay off 12k in debt (I have paid off a little over $5000 so far this year. Baby steps.)
- Repay Schwab for massage school (This is going to have to go on the back burner for the rest of the year. Much like my entire massage career.)
- Book a ship or Jubilee (Went to the Jubilee audition and rocked it. But no go. So this will have to wait another year)
- ROCK grad school aud, get accepted (DONE!!! Whew! Cross that OFF the list!)
- Book 5 shows (technically done. Anything Goes, All Shook Up, Seussical, Into the Woods and grad school. Not too shabby of a year)
- Edit movie reel (Also on the back burner. I no longer look, or act, the way I did 10 years ago and shouldn’t send out a reel that doesn’t show who I am now. This goal will be revisited in 2013 when I’m done with school and back in LA pounding the pavement. Unless I’m performing on London’s West End.)
- Run 6 marathons (Hmmm…..still time for this. I have done 1 this year, mostly due to the fact that I have been doing shows. I have run four ½ marathons, which is awesome. I am looking forward to running some beautiful races in Europe)
- New headshots (Again, not really needed right now. I don’t need them for grad school so I’m off the hook for the next year.)
- Straight As in SMC classes (I dropped my SMC classes for spring when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to take my three classes and do a show and work full time. And when I realized I wasn’t going to be a PT any time soon.)
- Write lounge act (Going to work on this in England. What better place to have a cabaret than in a city that doesn’t have a clue who I am?)
- Organize and maintain desk (HA! Again, not so much. It helps that I’m moving this week and it’s all just getting tossed into a box for another year)
- Write, finish, option 3 scripts (Nope)
- Get a dog (Nope. When I found out about school I realized this dream has to be on the back burner as well.)
- Book 5 movies (Nope)
- Buy a good car (YES!! I love my car and I hope I can keep her. She’s so cute!)
- Don’t get further into debt (I succeeded in this as well. Until now. I have a week without money so I’ll have to borrow from MasterCard a little. Oh, and there is the $40k school loan I have pending. That adds a little. But it’s good debt!)

There is the year so far. 17 attainable goals- 4 of which are no longer viable options and are off the list. I have completed 5, a little less than half. Gives me 6 moths to finish out the next 8. Totally doable.
I put this out there to keep myself accountable and to let people see that we all have little oops-s in our planning and goal setting. We all work hard and move forward and try to be better.

We are all in this together. What am I adding for the next 6 months?
- Get to England with great student loans
- Reprogram myself and the way I look at my dating life
- Be kinder to myself
- Successfully move in with Becca and create a wonderful place to live
- Create a student budget and stick to it
- Enoy the rest of the year. I'm taking a HUGE leap in September and all I can do is work hard and make the best of it. That is the ultimate goal.

Here’s to an amazing next 6 months and rocking the rest of 2011!!