My current diet is like a great boyfriend, with husband potential, that I cheat on…..with carbs.
I am failing. There is no way around it. And I am hitting a major wall. I know I am only a few weeks in, and weight will go up and down. I know that this is a long term goal and I have allowed for a slow, healthy weight drop. But I am frustrated and I am not really sure what to do about it.
I am back to 172 lbs. Back where I was 3 weeks ago. Back above 170. Back where I hate to be. I KNOW it’s just a number. I feel fine. I am active and my body is working really well. But this number is what I am trying to get past. This number is what I am taking on as a challenge and trying to prove to myself I can do. This weight loss is about looking good, but it’s also about figuring out the “why” of things.
I read this article today about the link between our mentality and our ability to lose weight. One quote is stuck in my head: You cannot achieve your goal until you change your behavior. I reworded it so it is something I can say to myself (I cannot achieve MY goal until I change….) and it is a small glimmer of a new way of thinking. I hit upon this last year when I took stock of my life and where was headed. The idea being that we need to change our future. In order to do that we have to change our present, which is really our past. If I want a different future I need to change what I do NOW so that tomorrow I will have changed my past. This works in life goals and it works in weight loss goals.
I need to change my now.
This all makes perfect sense to me. It is logical and intricate and interesting. I love it. And yet I cannot seem to change my now. I am constantly derailed and so easily taken off my path. And I can justify it! And it’s driving me crazy.
I ate a donut this week. And more bagels than anyone should eat. I had two on Saturday, two on Tuesday, and two on Wednesday. Each with a healthy slathering of cream cheese. So it’s no wonder I have gained the weight back. I’m also drinking coffee, not sleeping and not working out. No real surprise why the pounds have come back. But instead of feeling revived that I know what the problem is and I can change it, I feel defeated and start to want to give up. I start to think "of course" and "why bother". I won’t give up, I’m too into it now. Plus if I throw the towel in I will have a legion of angry fans calling for my head. Or, just my four friends who read this telling me I can’t give up because I’m better than that.
I’m just thrown and lost and really frustrated. The White Bikini seems hopelessly far away and kind of stupid. It feels completely unattainable and not worth it.
I just have to work through this, figure out the WHY of what I’m doing and keep plugging along. We all have down days and we all get off track. (Did you live through the Bush years? Even a country can go off kilter for a while.) I have the rest of today to eat well and get my head on straight. I have a fun rehearsal tonight and I leave for Chicago in 42 hours. I have a lot of good. A few extra lbs can’t keep me from seeing all of that.
The difference between failure and success is perseverance
And you? Any stumbling blocks this week? Anything you’d like to feel down on yourself about so I can give you a virtual hug?
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