Done with the single life today

I have been in NYC for over two weeks now and I continue to love this city. I love this city for a million reasons and could name them all. There is a lot going on in this brain of mine. A lot to flush out and a lot to figure out. But tonight all I want is to vent about being single.

I'm done being single. I'm done being alone. Hard to believe I can be sitting here in a city of 8 million people and feel so completely alone.

So I'm throwing it to the universe. I'm ready for him. I will welcome him with open arms and an open heart.

I have done this before and not much has happened (obviously, since I am still single) but I am willing to try again. This time with some different rules/guidelines. I am not going to date men I have had in my life before. I am not going to date a man I have had relations with in the past. I am not going to date a man who doesn't call. I am not going to date a man who brings drama into my world. I am not going to date a man who can't accept me and love me and respect me.

My future holds a great man in it. A man who will stand by me when I am sick, balding, fat, pregnant, tired, vomiting.......what else........ugly, chapped, pissy, angry, bloated, gassy........there's more, I'm sure of it......PMS-ing, moody, hungry, drunk, poor, rich........and everything else I will eventually be in my life. He will love me. He will grow with me. He will see our relationship as a partnership that is for the good of both of us. He will garden with me. He will putter and laugh and cook and be there for me.

He will be there for me.

That's the biggest one isn't it. Someone who will be there for us. Someone who sees the flaws and holds our hands because of them. Someone who wants to sit across from you at the retaurant you've been to a thousand times because you like the fresh pitas. Someone who will sit on the phone with you for hours because he wants to hear how your day was. Someone who wants to hear your voice every day. Who can't get to sleep until they talk to you. Who starts the morning thinking about you. Someone who will be there for you. Always.

That's what I feel is lacking right now in my life. I have amazing friends. I have the best friends anyone could ask for. I can ask them for anything. I would do anything for them without batting an eye. They come with me on the crazy things I invent. They humor me and listen to the million stories I want to share. They sit patiently on the other side of the line while I try to figure out how to budget $500 six different ways. My friends are amazing. And they will always be there for me.

But as I sit in this hotel room, missing my father more with ever passing second, I am alone. All I want is to turn towards the bed and have the man I'm in love with be sitting against the wall, reading a book and just existing in this world with me. Because tonight I feel alone. And all I want is someone to be here for me.

Thus ends the pity party.  Thanks for listening.