Just because you can doesn't mean you should

I often stay in things longer than I should. Relationship, jobs, cars, homes. I enjoy being comfortable and I enjoy having control over where I am and what I’m doing. So staying in something is my way of controlling the situation. Even if the situation is a sucky one. The other part of it is that there are usually things about the sucky situation that I like. But that doesn’t mean I should stay there.

For example, I really like the organizational busy work that is an office. I like office products. I like making copies and collating them and having neat stacks when I’m done. I like organizing people and having plans and keeping things moving. I feel comfortable in an office. I know the feeling of it and how to sit at a desk all day and keep myself busy. But these jobs do not get me anywhere. Loving the sound of a running copier isn’t going to make me any money. Going into the supply cabinet and getting a rush from seeing all the office supply boxes neatly lined up isn’t going to move me up the corporate ladder. Or the creative one. Just because I am good at filing and faxing and making copies doesn’t mean I should stay at this dead end job.

What is it about these things that keep us? I know in my heart that there is something better for me out there. I am certain with all of my being that I am not here on this earth to keep this chair warm. So why do I freeze up when the opportunity to leave comes up? Why, when faced with the option of never having to do this mundane work again, do I suddenly find all the good? All the things that I will “miss” when yesterday I couldn’t get away from them fast enough.

I tried to quit my job last week. But mountainous debt and a 9% unemployment rate in the US kept me here. What is it going to take to push me out of this frustrating comfort zone? When am I going to grow up and start living my life, instead of the life path I am currently on? When am I going to be strong enough to quit the job, buy the car and live a better life? And why am I so scared to trust that I can. That I am better than this life I have right now. That I am worth more than the life I’m living. When will I trust that?

Probably tomorrow.