A Map of the Land

This blog is a way for my family to stay in touch, vent their feelings, post interesting things they see online, post information, ask questions.....really just anything they way to do. And for our friends to be able to go on this journey with us.

Let me introduce you to people who may stop by. Plus then you'll have an idea of who I am talking about. I am the eldest of 3 girls (me, Cristin, Emily) and one step-sister (Emily Jo). My mother, Marianne, is a teacher who got married to Larry in 2005. Cristin married Andy in 2004 and had the first grandbaby/nephew, Daniel, in 2006. There is also family in Washington State, Colorado, Florida, West Virginia, and all over California. We are a close bunch who write often and keep in touch throughout everything.

My father, Paul, is the reason I started this blog. He lives with his girlfriend, Sylvia, and their two cats. He is a lawyer and owns a lighting company. He is a lifelong smoker and happy drinker. He loves having a good time and is a good person.

He is the love of my life and the man I look up to most.

This past weekend Cristin and I sat down with him and Sylvia and were told he had found a spot in his lung about 4cm in diameter. Something that size can really only be one thing.

Cancer.

Scary, sad, depressing, frightening, pissy, frustrating, angry, awful, mean, unknown......cancer.

Two years ago we lost our grandmother to pancriatic cancer. That same month we lost our great-uncle to cancer. Both were fast and painful. Both were sad and hopeless and unnerving. That is really all I have to go on when I look down the path of lung cancer.

We don't know what "type" it is. We don't know what stage or best treatments or anything. We don't know if it has spread or if it's in more than one place. Hell, we actually can't confirm that it is even cancer until we get the tests back next week. It's just what we all worry it is. We don't know what to do with the small amount of information we do have.

We do know that we have to fight. We have to be positive and we have to continue to live. This blog is for my family to come and vent and cry and say things that are too hard to say in person. I am hoping that by posting here we open the lines between us. It's also a blog for other people going through the same thing. A blog for friends to come to when they want to know what is going on but don't want to feel like a bother. A blog to offer a real look into the awful and amazing thing life can be, all at the same time.

I am scared. I am pissed. I am sadder than I have ever been. I am hopeful. I am worried. I am every emotion one can possibly be right now. it's overwhelming.

My father is an amazing man. He is kind, loving, generous, smart as a whip, funnier than anyone I know, open, tolerant, stubborn, gentle......pretty much all the good and some bad. He is a fighter and he is an honest son of a bitch. Nothing gets by him.

And I refuse to let this get him without a fight.

Thanks for listening.