The New Hat Dad Wears

I wonder if a day will ever pass when I don’t think of my father having cancer. It’s an interesting shift. Kind of like when you become a parent. No matter what happens to that child, you are forever a mother/father. Or when you become a sibling. Or get your college degree. There are certain titles you have, whether you use them or not. Being a cancer patient must seem that way too. No matter when he beats this, he will forever be a cancer patient. That’s a hat I am sure he never intended on wearing.

Dad is in good spirits. Have talked with him a lot this week. I like it. I like being connected to him.

I love talking as much as we do. He went to a New Patient Orientation on Wednesday. There is a group at UC Davis Medical Center called "Legacy" which is a support/information group for lung cancer patients. Turns out it wasn’t only for new patients, which turned out to be a better thing for him. He met patients that have been battling for years and keep kicking. He met people who fought lung cancer, beat lung cancer and still come to the meetings for support. One woman has been going for the 5 years since she's been cured. He met survivors and fighters. And I have noticed a difference in his outlook, even in the last two days. I was worried about depression but I think as he is able to get a "game plan" for his health he is able to see the brighter side of this. The hope that is there.

Today he had two apts for his back pain. I am eager to hear what they are going to do about it. He is popping so many pills and I hope that at some point we will all be able to find something non-drug to help. Apparently I need to get online and google up some information.

My sister had to put her cat down yesterday. That just added to the suckiness in her life. I worry about her a lot. Not that she can’t cope with everything that is coming at her. It is just so much and I hate to see her struggle so much. I care for her deeply and want her to be happy. I think she is on the road to that and I wish I could help.

The short version of the story is that Dad is in better spirits which makes me smile and feel better for him. I like hearing the lilt in his voice again. I am not going home this weekend. Am staying in LA to work and get some things in line. It’s fine. I mean, I miss everyone terribly but we are good for right now. Dad is fine, Sylvia is fine, Cristin is fine, Emily is fine…..okay we’re not “fine” but no one is struggling to get through the day. I figured I might as well save my travel time for when we can’t see past tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.