Dad is sleeping right now. And I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that it is Wednesday already. Yet at the same time I can't believe it's only Wednesday. With the time change there are a few clocks here at the house that have not been turned. Every time I go into the office, which I am using as a clothes room, the clock says it is an hour earlier than it really easy. I have to do the math for the actual time then I have the thoughts, "I wish it was still 6:00- I wish I had that hour with him still."
We are in the middle of the radiation treatments. Talk about not fun. Every weekday for ten days so we are in this until next Wednesday. They are short appts but they take a LOT of energy from dad. It really knocks him out. Dad is in good spirits and keeps talking about how we are kicking cancers ass. Says he is in so much pain because the tumor is pissed we brought such a big stick to fight with. He still makes jokes and has a sharp mind. I truly just enjoy spending time with him. It is hard to watch, but there is nowhere else I would rather me.
Days and nights are hard. He only sleeps about an hour at a time. I try to crash when he does and get some rest. I find that the only time I am able to completely focus on me is when I go for my daily run. I try to hit the gym once a day for an hour when his girlfriend comes home from work. It is an interesting time battle.
I feel so helpless. I can do nothing but be here and force him to eat. And love him. Every day I find that I love him more and couold not have asked for a better father. He is supportive and kind and smart and funny. He never questioned what I wanted to do and is always there to bounce off ideas for different ways to do things. He is such a great guy and I just hate to see him in so much pain. That is the hardest part of all.
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