I was talking with a friend this morning and they said they judge people by their own rules. I really liked that. Easier to mark people to their own standards instead of my standards for them.
We were talking about people who are ambitious and yet complain all the time about how much they hate their life and what they’re doing. We all know there is a difference between just having a bad day and truly hating your life. I know this as well as anyone.
I consider myself an ambitious person. I have big goals and big dreams. I wake up every morning thinking, some day I will have more than this. I know I will. There is too much in the world to do for me to be content with what I have. For a good two years I just complained. I hated my job. I hated where I lived. I hated that I wasn’t going anywhere. I hated that my dad was dead. I hated that I was single. I hated that I didn’t have a dog or a savings account or anything that showed I had been working my ass off for ten years. I felt like I was treading water and I was truly not happy. And I couldn’t see a way out. Then my best friend took me out to dinner one night and sat me down. He said I had to do something if I wanted to change my life. I needed to start taking the steps and trust they will go somewhere. I told him I was scared of making the wrong decision. He repeated words back to me that I have said in my life- “There is no wrong decision. Just different paths we can take.” At the time all I heard was “yadda yadda yadda” because I felt like I was at the bottom of a pit. Then I started taking some steps.
Little ones at first. I took a summer business class online. Loved it. Then I started truly looking at a 5 year plan. I am not a long-term planner kind of person. There are too many variables. But I knew some of the big ticket items I wanted and saw that I needed to get off my ass and get to it. Last summer I started taking steps to move my life into the one I wanted. I knew it would take some time. I knew the long term goals I had were just that, long term. And I needed to be patient, which is not easy for me.
I moved out of the place where I was living. I loved the family I was living with and leaving was a hard thing to do. But I had to make some changes and where I live is an easily changeable variable in my life. I took a few more online classes and started to narrow down my choices of careers. Then I started the ball rolling for grad school. This was the biggest step I could take. It was a leap. The same friend who sat with me and told me I had to take the steps to change my life was with me the whole time, gently reminding me that I was on the right track and was at least doing something. There were a few times I almost turned around and came home. But he held my hand (over the phone) and walked me through all the doubts and nerves.
In February I quit my steady job. I realized I was done being so unhappy. I was done being the person who hates her job. I was done being associated to an awful outlook on life. So without a backup, without savings and without any references, I quit and didn’t look back. It was the best decision I could have made. Because in March I found out that my hard work had paid off and I would be leaving for England in September.
All of this was pushed forward in my memory when I talked with my friend this morning. I am an ambitious person, and that isn’t a bad thing. I did complain (a lot) and then I made the choices to change what I hated. At the time they seemed like individual things. Small choices that weren’t really linked. But looking back on them as I look forward to my next phase of life I see that they all played a vital part in my plan. Without even knowing it I took the steps towards my 5 year plan. My highly ambitious, totally doable and completely malleable 5 year plan.
Good thing I have people in my life who guide me well, make me think and always believe in me. Just add that to the many things that make me a lucky girl.
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