A friend of mine lost a love today. She walked out of his life. This woman told him every day that she loved him. Told him that they were meant to be together and that she wanted a life with him. Told him that she married the wrong man and that she loved him. Then, when the opportunity came for her to be with him, she chose her husband. I’m not writing this to condone or condemn her actions. I don’t care either way because I don’t know her. My friend will get over her and will be fine. He will find someone else to love and he will survive this breakup, everyone does. I should buy stock in scotch while he goes through the heartache though.
I wanted to write about this because I am struck with how much easier his life is going to be without her and how often we wait for someone else to make the decisions for us. Her husband found out about them on accident, however I see it as the universe giving her an open door to walk out and take a different life. She didn’t. She took the easy road and stayed in a marriage she’s no happy in. Again, I don’t know this woman. She could have been really happy in her marriage and totally stringing my friend along. I have no idea. But she was given the opportunity to act on something and she didn’t. How often do we get that chance? How often are we offered an out?
The trick is to realize that you’re always doing what you want to do. Always. Nobody’s making you do anything. Once you get that you see that you’re free and that life is really just a series of choices. Nothing happens to you, you choose.
I choose. Every day I choose. Today I chose to stay with my family for the morning, then come in to work. That was the best decision for me. I wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to stay at home and enjoy a quiet house. I wanted to go to the park and sun myself and read. I wanted to eat yogurt on the pier and watch the waves hit the shore. I chose to come in to work. Every time I ask myself “Why am I at this job and how did I get stuck here” I am able to say “Because I chose it”, and that makes me feel more in control. Every day I am choosing.
My friend’s girlfriend chose. I’m sure he has been waiting for this shoe to drop. I’m sure there were sleepless nights where he wondered if he was doing the right thing and if he would ever fully get her. He wasn’t choosing where the relationship went, she was. He was just able to choose to be with her.
When our choice gets taken away from us we are thrown. It pulls us completely out of our comfort zone and makes us vulnerable. But there is a power in moving on from that choice. I could get fired tomorrow, ending my choice to come in to work every day, but it would free me up to go get another job- possibly one in a field I enjoy. I choose to keep repairing my car instead of doing the work to buy a new one. If my car stopped working tomorrow, I wouldn’t have a choice. I would have to do the work and buy a new car. My friend has the chance now to find someone who can be his fully and not be the drama any more. By her making one choice for him, she opened up 100 more, probably better, choices for him.
Sometimes not being in control is a good thing too. We can control what we do, we can control what we say and we can control who we associate with. The rest is up in the air, out of our control, and sometimes that is okay.
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