Restating My Purpose-Driven Life

Go! Live your dream! Go enjoy your life.

Tonight I open Into The Woods as The Witch. I was walking around, warming up, last night and I stopped myself and took a deep breath. I sat with the realization that I get to play The Witch. I’m doing it. I looked to the sky and thanked the universe for this gift. For the validation, again, that I am on the right path and doing what I am meant to do.

A year ago I stood in the same courtyard, warming up for The Narrator in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It was also a part I had wanted to play for years. I took the same deep breath, looked to the sky and gave thanks. In the past 7 months I have played parts that have been on my wish list since high school: Reno in Anything Goes, Mayzie in Seussical and The Witch in ITW. I have managed to cross off almost my entire wish list in a 12 month period. That blows my mind.

I get to play The Witch. Even as I sit here, saying that sentence over and over, I can’t believe it’s true. Yet, here we are. Opening night. And I have never been more sure of anything.

As many of you know, I have been struggling with where I fit in this world. What am I “supposed” to be doing? Where can I best be used? What am I here for? I have thought about physical therapy, music therapy, event planning, marketing, nursing, teaching……anything and everything that sounded like it would help the world. Something I could do that would use my skills and be useful. I have taken business classes, talked with PTs and shadowed event planners. I have run around like a chicken for years, trying to find where I fit. All while doing shows and networking and finding my nitch in the theater world.

I fit on stage. I belong on stage. Never has that been clearer to me than this year. I believe in my heart, all the way down to my tired toes, that I belong in the theater community. As a tree, as a showgirl, as a witch…..whatever they’ll have me do. I love everything about this world and here is where I will make a difference.

Here is where I will give an extra hug to the little girl who needs one. Here is where I will guide new actors into the confidence building world that is live theater. Here is where I will look a fellow actor in the eye and give them the strength to "go there" because they trust I'll be there with them. Here is where I will hug someone a little longer, letting them know there are good people out there who care for them. Here is where I will make the world better.

It might seem like a silly thing, making the world better through theater, as an actor. And for a really long time I felt selfish and a little small minded for wanting to live my life on the stage. But it’s not. It’s not selfish to want to affect people and touch them and allow them the freedom to feel things. It’s not selfish to want to make people laugh and enjoy life. It’s not selfish to offer mental release from stress and pain. It’s not selfish to motivate people to get out there and live their dream and make their world the best it can be. And it’s certainly not selfish to live a life that is filled with purpose, where I feel completely fulfilled by the universe.

I might never buy a big house with a full sized theater. I might never retire. I might never have the latest gadgets or movies or books. I might never take lavish vacations or travel the world with nothing but my expensive camera in my hand. I might never…..a lot of things. The reality of being a working actor is a small bank account.

But here is what I will have. I will have the confidence and faith that I am doing God’s work and using the talents I have been given. I will have peace in knowing that I changed lives and made a difference in people. I will have the joy in a world filled with my family, my friends and people I love dearly. I will have peace that I used my time here to the best of my ability. I will have comfort that comes with knowing I have a dream, I’m living my dream and I’m working my ass off to make all my dreams a reality.

This does not, however, lessen my determination to marry a Prince and get those new expensive gadgets. A Princess is allowed more than one dream, right?