Spring Dreaming - Question 7

Question 7 - What is your dream job and why?

My dream job is to be a working, household name actor for the stage and screen. I would like a career akin to the likes of Judi Dench, Meryl Streep, Scarlotte Johanssen, Maggie Smith, Patrick Stewart, David Tennant, Hugh Jackman, Natalie Portman, Angela Landsbury, Angelica Houston, David Craig. An ideal week for me would be shooting a movie on location, doing press for the blockbuster that is coming out in the next few months and memorizing lines for the West End show that opens in a week. I would also be working on my book, attending awards shows and movie premieres and lecturing at universities. Let's also throw in my daily workouts with a trainer and meals prepared by my chef.

Oh yes - I'm going to be huge!

Options Options Options!!

There is a saying here in England, “If you don’t like the weather, wait a few minutes. It will change.” With the upcoming change of visa requirements and the finish line of school in my sights (even if still months away) it seems like that sentiment is applicable to my plans as well. This sense of confusion, the need to have a plan, seems to radiate throughout the BSA Post Grads.

When I applied to BSA last year it was with the understanding that once a student has a Student Visa and completes their degree they can apply for, and receive, a working visa which will allow them to work full time and guarantee residency for two years. This coming April that is going to change. Students will have to get a job paying 20k a year and get a sponsor before they will be given a working Visa. This brings a lot of challenges, not the least of which is that in this economy not many people are going to be willing to offer a job to a temporary citizen when there are so many Brits out of work. It also lengthens the list of options for all of us.

The variations in these options brings me great joy and excitement. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a healthy amount of worry in there, but the majority of my energy lies in the idea that, once again, the world is my oyster. I get to start a new chapter in life! I have a new set of tools that ROCK and allow me a stronger leg-hold on the competition. Not to mention an amazing thesis and hopefully some published articles to feather my academic nest. 

Here are a few of the options out there:

• Move to London without a secure working visa. This means I get an apartment, find a job and audition the hell out of my life until 13 Jan 2013, when my visa expires, at which time if I don’t have a job I head back to the states. (Well let’s be real. I’ll probably spend a few months hiding out in Paris simply because I can.) The idea of living in London makes me smile, gives me a sense of excitement about what’s out there available to me. I can audition for the West End. I can audition for a tour. I can head down to Paris and find work as a voice-over actress. I can coach the American dialect with young actors here. There are options upon options out for me. This seems like the best option for my dream of winning a Tony. Get out there and use myself and my skills, take workshops and continue to grow and learn.
• Apply the working visa now, spend the money (about $1000) and give myself the option of staying as long I can. This is the more expensive option and doesn’t give me pressure to find work before my visa wears out. Seems like it would take away a piece of motivation. However, there is something comforting in the idea that I have two years without having to worry about getting kicked out of the country. I can take longer to find a job I enjoy, maybe audition instead of interview, and really enjoy being in the city. 
• Book a European tour. (Yes please!)
• Finish school and head to somewhere on the East Coast. I don’t want to lose my classical training and there is a world of great theater happening on the East side of the USA.
• Finish school and head back to California, find work and coach on the side.
• There is also the option of going back to school. I would love to get my MFA at San Diego University. That was my number one school choice last year during auditions and I know I did well when I met with them. However, now with a year of classical training behind me I have an even better shot. Here’s what I love about that plan: I LOVE SCHOOL! So the idea I’d get to continue learning, continue training, continue becoming this brilliant vessel of theater is intoxicating. 

How lucky am I?!!?


I have a little under 8 months before my thesis is due. I am still in the baby beginnings of my research. My first public workshop goes up in 4 weeks. I have yet to memorize a scene. There is so much to do before any of these listed options start to come in. But the idea that tonight I can sit here and daydream about where my life is going to go, that it doesn’t involve a desk or a CEO or Microsoft Outlook makes me happy, happy, happy.

The thought of my handsome Tony and his friend, the dashing Oscar, sparkling in the sun makes me happy, happy, happy as well.

The Day I Stood on The Globe Stage

This morning we all meet at school at 8:45a to get on the bus that will take us to London. No one is especially excited to be at school on a Sunday, but we know it will be worth it. The trip takes about 2.5 hours and I spend it reading the play we're doing for our final project this term and chatting with the guys sitting around me. It's the first time we are all together outside of school and we get to know each other a little better.

 Once we get to London we all walk along the Thames to the theater. We are about an hour early so we head in for lunch. The guys and I find a Greek restaurant and introduce Chris to some good Greek food. I'm reminded of my days spent in Greece last October and have a Mythos beer to celebrate how far I've come in a year. Of course I don't tell the guys why I'm celebrating. It's too long a story and...well....they are boys.

After lunch we all meet at the theater again and get our schedule for the day. First we go on a walking tour of The Globe. This is the first time I've been inside the theater and I am taken aback by its size, both at how small it is and how tall. It's open air, with three levels of audience seating as well as the "groundlings" area in front. After studying Elizabethan life for the past two weeks I can really put myself in the world that would have existed 500 years ago. The dress, the smells, the people. It's amazing. The seats are wood and there is no precinium. Along the inside of the Lord boxes are gorgeous paintings of Greek gods and mythological creatures. There is symbolism in everything.

Our tour guide, Amy, tells us a little more about the history of the theater and then we are shuffled off to meet with Yolanda, our workshop guide for the next hour. We follow her up the back stairs (which are gorgeous) and onto the stage. ONTO THE STAGE!! I have the same feeling I had when I stepped on a Broadway stage for the first time. My dream, my goal, is suddenly very real and very attainable. As I stand on that stage and look up at all the "people" in the seats, I believe in my heart of hearts that I will stand on that stage as an actress in one of their productions in this life. I will see that dream come true.

We work for an hour on the stage. Walking around it, getting used to playing all the sides of it and to everyone in the house. It's a different feeling to think you have to connect with people sitting almost over your head. It's a new muscle to bring in people from 270 degrees around you. We work some pieces of text and start to think about what we would have to do differently if we were working in that house. They don't use amplification at all and the need for proper vocal strength and stamina become apparent. The sheer physical power one needs to succeed in this space is astounding, and very motivating.

Me ON The Globe stage!

We next work with one of the actors from the past season, Philip, on some more movement exercises and acting tools we can use. We are in the rehearsal space now and it's neat to think about the people who have worked in that space. The people who have worked to make beloved and feared characters come to life in that Elizabethan stage. I stay focused and try to remember everything we do so I can write it down in my workbook and use it someday, either with a cast or with students.

The day ends with a little shopping (I am a good girl and don't buy anything, knowing I'll be back at some point.) and then we head back on the bus. I watch my iPhone TV shows on the way back, doze a little bit, and talk with Catherine. It's neat to get to know my classmates a better, kind of see where they are coming from in this life.

2012 MA:Brit Trad students

It was an amazing day in all respects. Getting to go to London is always a treat. I'm reminded of my time there a few years ago and start to seriously think about whether I want to stay once my course is over. The idea of living in London for a year, just because I can, is enthralling. I would love to have a London address and go to auditions here. See more of the world and make a living on the West End stage. I could do it! The thought makes me smile and I spend a few moments of the driving daydreaming about the amazing life I would live, with my London flat and agents lining up to cast me. It's the perfect time to do it, and the idea of that being an actual reality is a little daunting. I'm not quite sure I'm ready to deal with what lies ahead of me after school.

Standing on that stage gives me life. It gives me drive and power and a renewed need for success. Every time I stand on a stage I am reminded why I do what I do and why I sacrifice so much. Having the chance to do that this early in the MA program game was a real treat.

The Thames at dusk

MA Brit Trad Day 1

When I left for school everyone ask to be kept up to date with what I'm learning and what I'm doing here. I had a few people ask for the reading list so they can "get smart too". My goal is to write a little bit every day, as long as there is something interesting to write about. The books we read are really interesting, so I def recommend them if you are looking for something to fill your brain. I'll also have a post this weekend about life here in the UK. Because it is a different country and I don't want to forget all the little things I see that make me go hmmmmmm.

Notes from day 1:

- Got to work on my scene with Sarah and Charles today. For our first assignment we were given a scene from "The Duchess of Malfi". If you haven't read it, I suggest it as a great play. Webster is violent with his plots, but gorgeous with his prose. He is one of Shakespeare's contemporaries and I love his work. Sarah and I are both working on the part of the Duchess and it's neat to see Sarah take on the scene and also to watch Charles work with both of us.

- After acting workshop Sarah and I sat on the steps outside the school and each read our books. It's neat to hang out with people who have as much work as I do and have the desire to work on it, no matter if there are other people around. It was really nice to sit together and read our books separately. It was really comforting.

- Second class of the day was Research Methodology where we learn how to do our final project, our thesis. It was a lecture class and kind of like all first day classes: filled with random info and the promise of more work the next time we meet. I'm excited about my research project and really excited to see what it actually becomes. So many options.

- Our last class of the day was stage combat. Today we worked on swordplay and I loved it! We got to work with the rapiers. I took a year of fencing in undergrad and really enjoyed it. I'm really excited to learn all the different ways to combat people on stage. Because we focus on Renaissance pieces of work this term, we are learning all the different ways and weapons used in that time period. We'll work with all the weapons we'll eventually come across in our careers as classical actors. (My career! Hooray!)

I had a really good day with everything. I'm exhausted, but thankfully it's still the first week so there is not a lot of homework yet and I can get to sleep before midnight. I have to memorize a ten minute scene and read a TON of books, but it will all get done. Tonight I got to Skype, Facebook and post my blog. Add that to the tradition of some good ice cream and I'd say today was a success.

Catch you up tomorrow!

8 Hours of Acting?!!?

At school we are given a schedule every Friday for the following week. They call the classes "modules" and the set up is pretty much the same week to week. When I get the schedule today (30 Sept 2011) for the following week I almost fall out of my chair. I look at Friday- 900-1300 Acting Workshop, then lunch, then 1400-1800 Acting Workshop.

8 HOURS OF ACTING?!!? In one day?!!? Who does that?


Apparently The Birmingham School of Acting.

I feel a real sense of panic. A sense of confusion and something that feels like defeat. I'm out of my league. I don't know what I'm doing here. How am I going to fill 8 hours of anything, except sitting on my ass in a chair? What would ANYONE do? Rehearsals usually aren't that long and even then you have an end result.

I feel I am completely out of my league here. There is a brief moment of panic and I seriously start to rethink the idea of spending 10 weeks in a place that forces me to act for 20 hours every week. Oh, did I not mention that before the 8 hours on Friday we have three, 4 hour blocks during the week? It's a lot of acting.

Dear Amie,

This is why you're here. This is why you're spending thousands of dollars. This is how you're going to change your life.

This is where you are meant to be.

Shut up and go to acting class.

Sincerely,

Future Amie

Damn, Future Amie can be quite bossy sometimes. And she's usually.....always.....correct.

Restating My Purpose-Driven Life

Go! Live your dream! Go enjoy your life.

Tonight I open Into The Woods as The Witch. I was walking around, warming up, last night and I stopped myself and took a deep breath. I sat with the realization that I get to play The Witch. I’m doing it. I looked to the sky and thanked the universe for this gift. For the validation, again, that I am on the right path and doing what I am meant to do.

A year ago I stood in the same courtyard, warming up for The Narrator in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It was also a part I had wanted to play for years. I took the same deep breath, looked to the sky and gave thanks. In the past 7 months I have played parts that have been on my wish list since high school: Reno in Anything Goes, Mayzie in Seussical and The Witch in ITW. I have managed to cross off almost my entire wish list in a 12 month period. That blows my mind.

I get to play The Witch. Even as I sit here, saying that sentence over and over, I can’t believe it’s true. Yet, here we are. Opening night. And I have never been more sure of anything.

As many of you know, I have been struggling with where I fit in this world. What am I “supposed” to be doing? Where can I best be used? What am I here for? I have thought about physical therapy, music therapy, event planning, marketing, nursing, teaching……anything and everything that sounded like it would help the world. Something I could do that would use my skills and be useful. I have taken business classes, talked with PTs and shadowed event planners. I have run around like a chicken for years, trying to find where I fit. All while doing shows and networking and finding my nitch in the theater world.

I fit on stage. I belong on stage. Never has that been clearer to me than this year. I believe in my heart, all the way down to my tired toes, that I belong in the theater community. As a tree, as a showgirl, as a witch…..whatever they’ll have me do. I love everything about this world and here is where I will make a difference.

Here is where I will give an extra hug to the little girl who needs one. Here is where I will guide new actors into the confidence building world that is live theater. Here is where I will look a fellow actor in the eye and give them the strength to "go there" because they trust I'll be there with them. Here is where I will hug someone a little longer, letting them know there are good people out there who care for them. Here is where I will make the world better.

It might seem like a silly thing, making the world better through theater, as an actor. And for a really long time I felt selfish and a little small minded for wanting to live my life on the stage. But it’s not. It’s not selfish to want to affect people and touch them and allow them the freedom to feel things. It’s not selfish to want to make people laugh and enjoy life. It’s not selfish to offer mental release from stress and pain. It’s not selfish to motivate people to get out there and live their dream and make their world the best it can be. And it’s certainly not selfish to live a life that is filled with purpose, where I feel completely fulfilled by the universe.

I might never buy a big house with a full sized theater. I might never retire. I might never have the latest gadgets or movies or books. I might never take lavish vacations or travel the world with nothing but my expensive camera in my hand. I might never…..a lot of things. The reality of being a working actor is a small bank account.

But here is what I will have. I will have the confidence and faith that I am doing God’s work and using the talents I have been given. I will have peace in knowing that I changed lives and made a difference in people. I will have the joy in a world filled with my family, my friends and people I love dearly. I will have peace that I used my time here to the best of my ability. I will have comfort that comes with knowing I have a dream, I’m living my dream and I’m working my ass off to make all my dreams a reality.

This does not, however, lessen my determination to marry a Prince and get those new expensive gadgets. A Princess is allowed more than one dream, right?

Not always to build a resume

When we’re in college, actors are told to do as many shows as possible to learn from different directors and to fill our resume. We take parts as trees, maids, zoo animals, and 3rd statue from the left in an effort to get parts under our belt. We play shows in small black box theaters that seat 45 and large houses that seat 3,000. We do shows in high school auditoriums and under makeshift tents. All to make us look more marketable to casting directors because we have a diverse skill set.

I have pounded the pavement in Los Angeles, Sacramento, Las Vegas and New York. I have played, amongother things, a drunk sex-a-holic in a hole-in-the-wall theater in NYC where they passed out beer to the audience during the show. I’ve played a catholic nun on a temporary stage in the cafeteria of a Jewish Temple. I’ve done shows where I provided my own costume, shoes, make-up and sound system. I’ve worked hard to build a resume that, little by little, is something to be proud of.

I do large productions to meet the people and move my career forward. This is part of networking and marketing yourself as an actor. You have to play the big houses in order to get bigger paychecks and meet the people who will hire you, and pay you, again. I take the smaller roles in the larger production companies because they are a leg up in the industry. I work the small theaters as leads to get a leg up in the heart of theater.

Driving home from rehearsal last night, after a day that started with me willing to shave my head if it meant I didn't have to out of bed, I realized that we also do shows to heal ourselves. We work on characters and their problems as we work on ourselves. We study histories and relationships while we study our own. Taking on a character doesn’t mean just our resumes get fluffed. Our lives get a little reboot every time we step into the skin of another being.

Even when she is a show-girl bird who leaves her baby with an elephant.