Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Spring Dreaming - Question 3

Question 3: Describe your relationship with your parents.

I idolized my father. He could do no wrong and even now, five years after his death, I still have trouble seeing him for his "real" self sometimes. And I'm sure that was hard on him. He was just a guy trying to survive in this world and I laid the responsibility of hero on his shoulders. He and I would run together in the morning and have our shakes and bagels. We both loved dogs and driving fast. He would listen to my side of things and let me have my say. When I became an adult we would debate for hours and it would really bother my baby sister, Emily, because she thought we were fighting. In reality we were just disagreeing but respecting each other. We loved to go out for sushi and drink cocktails on the patio.

The past posts about my dad show how close we became as he was dying and I lived with him. I treasure those moments. They are what keep me smiling on days when I miss him so much I forget he's gone. I know my dad and I parted this earth on very good terms. And I am very excited to see him again some day.

My mother and I had a rocky relationship until I was in my mid twenties. There were many many yelling matches intermixed with her supporting me in every way, all the time. I didn't understand her and she didn't understand me. I wanted a good relationship with her, but neither of us knew how to get it. I eventually called her out on what I wanted and asked for her help. We had a few years of difficulty while we figured out how to converse and communicate what we wanted. Now, however, after all that time, we are good. We still don't fully understand each other, and I know I upset her more than I would like it. But I respect her more than I have before. What I saw before as martyrdom and passive aggressive is her coping technique. I'm not saying it's right and I'm not saying I understand it. But I am more understanding of her and what her life is filled with.

We both enjoy some of the same things, which is really nice. We like to go to yard sales and antique malls. We like wine and vodka and being in the kitchen. We love being with our family and carrying on traditions. There is still so much more to learn from my mother. As I get older I find myself more patient with her and a little more frustrated with myself for not knowing her better sooner. All I can do now is take all the moments I have with her and enjoy them.

I love my father and my mother so very very much.
See you tomorrow!

No comments: