Question 8 - What are 5 passions you have?
- Interaction. This covers a lot of what drives me and makes me happy. I love to interact with people. I love to chat with the people I server food to, to the woman who checks me out at the grocery store, to the man selling me a water at the 7-11. I love to meet people and hear their stories. I love to be with people- especially my family. I am not an introvert, nor do I do well being alone. I love having my bf over for company. I love going home and seeing my family. I love calling my friends and hearing their voice. I love interacting with people and want to do it all day long.
- Food. I believe in all aspects of food but I am most passionate about the good stuff. I want to eat fresh, organic, elaborate meals filled with yummy flavors and stories about how the person came to make the dish. I love to cook with my family. I slack off when it's just me - I'm totally fine with a bowl of cereal (which is also something to be passionate about)- but I am passionate about sustainable eating, creative ways to eat well and finding new ways to eat the same thing. There isn't a symphony that goes off in my head when I eat something. It's more like I'm passionate about being able to eat what I want to eat. I hope that will more money and time I will be able to fully flush out my love and make every recipe that are currently gathering dust in my cookbook shelves.
- The Arts - Music, film, musical theater, theater, theater history, modern art, literature, hip-hop, classical dance.....it's all in there. I believe art showcases people in a way that no other thing can. It should be embraced by all, even the tone-deaf-color-blind-engineers out there. Without the beauty art brings, we have no need for the straight lines of "normal" life. Artists are a gift and I believe they should be supported wherever possible.
- Money - I do a crap job of keeping it, but I am constantly working to make more of it. I love what it can do, I love the doors it can open, I love looking at it, dreaming about it, spending it, sharing it. Money is a brilliant addition to life and I love everything about it. Especially when I have a lot of it!
- Love - I LOVE to love things. All things. And when I hate something, I LOVE to hate it. I like the all encompassing happiness love can bring to the people who feel it. I am passionate about sharing love with as many people in my life that I can and bringing love to as many things in my life as I can.
See you tomorrow!
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, April 8, 2013
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Every Day a Little Pain
While I was sitting in the salon this afternoon getting my hair done, I started thinking about how my hairdressers’ arms must get tired. She stands all day, using her arms above the midline of her body. That thought made me think about how in time she probably gets used to it and the muscles she needs to do her job just get stronger. It’s our brilliant body adapting and morphing into what the world asks it to do. When we work out our muscles tear a little then repair stronger than they were.
I started thinking, maybe it’s the same thing with relationships. Each time they end our heart breaks down a little more, establishing the need to rebuild (along with the pain that brings). This pain makes us stronger and ready to face the next thing the world will ask us to do.
The heart is about the size of your fist and one of the strongest muscles in the body. Its job is to pump every blood cell through every vein to every organ, delivering fresh oxygen and carrying away garbage. Our hearts are amazing. And while I know they are not directly related to the emotion of love, our oxytocin “cuddle” hormone takes care of that, our heart is where we feel the ache of losing someone we love. (And thank you cortisol for your part in that aching feeling.)
This idea of pain has been with me all day. I woke up this morning and my chest felt heavy, like there wasn’t enough room in it. The thought occurred to me, “of course there isn’t enough room. He gave your heart back to you. It has grown so big in his love it no longer fits in your chest.” Hence the pain of fitting this new heart, which has known a love so great I can’t stand to think about losing it, into my life again. Along with that comes the aching pain.
Pain helps us grow. I know that. The pain of heartache helps us be ready for the next time. It allows us to remember what good love felt like and to be ready for it when it comes again. Pain weakens us for a time, makes us cry, grieve, lie silently looking at the wall for hours and takes away our appetite. Pain drives us to have that extra pint in a vain effort to take the pain away. Pain tears little parts of us into pieces, leaving us to wonder if we will ever be whole again.
But pain isn’t forever. Our body adapts to pain and finds a different way of doing something so we don’t hurt ourselves. Our body, including our heart, doesn’t like to work harder than it needs to, so it will find an easier way to do what needs to get done. And loving someone needs to get done. I will not live in a loveless life. So while for now I sit with the pain, I will also acknowledge it. I will flash onto the good memories of him and smile because they happened. I will also flash onto the ideas I had of a good future and cry because they won’t. But through this all, the little tears everyday, I will grow stronger.
And just like my hour of pain at the gym every morning, this pain will be worth it.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
An Especially Empty Left Ring Finger
For anyone who knows me, you have heard me talk about my desire to stay single and live my life. I never minded a boyfriend here and there, but had no desire to get married. It's sounded pedantic and boring. I mean, being a girl, I have thought about my wedding. Thought about where I would want it and who would be there. However, I am such a believer in using what's in our life currently I always assumed that when the time was right I would have the people who were important to me in the bridal party and they people who attended would be my friends at the time and whomever my groom wanted there. As much as I enjoy planning my day and my meals and my money, I am not a big believer in planning my life. There are too many variables that are out of my control.
This past January the love of my life put a gorgeous saphire ring on my left ring finger and changed my life.
He made it clear it wasn't an engagement ring. His exact words were, "When I ask you to marry me, you'll know." But the message was that we were moving forward. We were in this, together, and I could trust that this relationship was heading down the aisle, into a lifelong partnership. It didn't matter to me when, for the first time in my life I was just estatic that it would.
I started to finally trust that I had a future with him. After years of telling myself I didn't need him (that it was all going to be fine because I was able to live my dream and not worry about a husband/house/kids/settling down) I was looking down the track to my life with him and I felt calm and ready and like it was the best decision I would ever make. I've been running from commitment and just living my life but when he put that ring on my finger I never wanted anything more. I was settled. This was it. I was ready for the daily life of loving someone and the forever it promised.
How was this different? How was this special? Why this man? I'm in love with him, foibles and all. To quote Phoebe, he's my lobster. Has been for years. He's who, out of all the animals in the sea, I want to hold claws with. He's the man that knows me better than anyone and pushes me to be a better person. He's my champion and my cheering squad. I am interested in everything he does and everything he says. I want to know what fills his head and his heart. With him, the idea of a quiet night at home suddenly becomes the one place I want to be. He was my world and I was so thrilled we were going to have it.
My fears of marriage and being forgotten and being left alone were gone. I threw myself into life with him, even being 6,000 miles away. I called him my boyfriend and smiled when I looked at the ring, treasuring what it meant. I started to trust that my commitment fears were gone and I was sure of someone. I was sure of myself and my ability to be faithful and commit and be loyal to this man till the day I died.
Loyal. Commited. Faithful.
These are not words I would have given our relationship before these past months. I haven't played by those words and have now paid the price for that. I didn't treat it like it was special and needed to be cherished. I didn't know what it felt like to be secure. To be sure of someone. He is the only man who has taken the risk and said he is willing to change his life and be with me. He is the only man I am willing to change my life for.
The empty space where the ring once sat now haunts me and sends me onto a much different train of thought. I am not the person I was. I'm not the person who enjoyed an empty left finger and felt it was a sign of independence and "look, I don't need a man" attitude. What I see now is loneliness. What I see now is my failing as a partner. What I see now is the shadow of a life I didn't know I wanted until I lost it.
Until I lost him.
The most special thing I've had in my world.
It takes an amazing man to wrangle in a woman like me. A wonderful, patient and heartwarming man to change how I look at marriage and commitment and myself as a partner. He is that man. And I am still wrangled in.
This past January the love of my life put a gorgeous saphire ring on my left ring finger and changed my life.
He made it clear it wasn't an engagement ring. His exact words were, "When I ask you to marry me, you'll know." But the message was that we were moving forward. We were in this, together, and I could trust that this relationship was heading down the aisle, into a lifelong partnership. It didn't matter to me when, for the first time in my life I was just estatic that it would.
I started to finally trust that I had a future with him. After years of telling myself I didn't need him (that it was all going to be fine because I was able to live my dream and not worry about a husband/house/kids/settling down) I was looking down the track to my life with him and I felt calm and ready and like it was the best decision I would ever make. I've been running from commitment and just living my life but when he put that ring on my finger I never wanted anything more. I was settled. This was it. I was ready for the daily life of loving someone and the forever it promised.
How was this different? How was this special? Why this man? I'm in love with him, foibles and all. To quote Phoebe, he's my lobster. Has been for years. He's who, out of all the animals in the sea, I want to hold claws with. He's the man that knows me better than anyone and pushes me to be a better person. He's my champion and my cheering squad. I am interested in everything he does and everything he says. I want to know what fills his head and his heart. With him, the idea of a quiet night at home suddenly becomes the one place I want to be. He was my world and I was so thrilled we were going to have it.
My fears of marriage and being forgotten and being left alone were gone. I threw myself into life with him, even being 6,000 miles away. I called him my boyfriend and smiled when I looked at the ring, treasuring what it meant. I started to trust that my commitment fears were gone and I was sure of someone. I was sure of myself and my ability to be faithful and commit and be loyal to this man till the day I died.
Loyal. Commited. Faithful.
These are not words I would have given our relationship before these past months. I haven't played by those words and have now paid the price for that. I didn't treat it like it was special and needed to be cherished. I didn't know what it felt like to be secure. To be sure of someone. He is the only man who has taken the risk and said he is willing to change his life and be with me. He is the only man I am willing to change my life for.
The empty space where the ring once sat now haunts me and sends me onto a much different train of thought. I am not the person I was. I'm not the person who enjoyed an empty left finger and felt it was a sign of independence and "look, I don't need a man" attitude. What I see now is loneliness. What I see now is my failing as a partner. What I see now is the shadow of a life I didn't know I wanted until I lost it.
Until I lost him.
The most special thing I've had in my world.
It takes an amazing man to wrangle in a woman like me. A wonderful, patient and heartwarming man to change how I look at marriage and commitment and myself as a partner. He is that man. And I am still wrangled in.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
No Expiration Date
One of my professors, Professor V., is an older gentleman who is a true gem in this world. He can quote the literary greats like he’s talking about his own history. He has a passion for the world of theater and works tirelessly for his students. His is, in a word, amazing. Prof V. has a heart of gold and is one of those people in the world you just immediately root for. You want them to be happy and prosperous and see all the good come to them. You worry about them when they don’t look well and you laugh along with them as they talk about their day and their experiences. People like Professor V. make this world a better place.
Which is why I was overjoyed when he told us he had fallen in love and was happy. I still smile when I think about him telling us in class the other day. He blushed and smiled and seemed to light up with this new man in his life. Now, this man is in his 60s and is as neurotic as the rest of us. He is a gangly old man who has had his share of men in his life. He makes no secret of it. And while it may sound naive and a little small minded, my second thought at hearing the news (behind being truly happy for him) was “he’s proof we can still find love when we’re old.”
I know, I know, even thinking those words out again makes me cringe at the way it sounds. I can hear it now- What do you mean “old”? What, old people don’t have the right to be happy? Old people can’t fall in love? And that’s not what I’m saying at all. What I was happy for was that joy in his eyes and truly seeing that finding love, at the age when what society deems your “best years” are behind you, is possible.
In a world where people get married at 22, actress can’t find “good” roles after 40, and the term “expiration date” doesn’t just apply to food, I find myself wondering if I will be able to have love in my 60s. And not only love, but good sex. I have a friend who is a grandmother and happily married and I have heard from her own stories that good sex is still an option into your later years. And now with the wonderful relationship I’m in, I’m certain that amazing sex is going to remain in the schedule. But if life takes the love of my life from me (touch wood it doesn’t, I don't want a life without him) and I find myself single and 60, I like the idea that I will still be loveable and worthy of attention from the opposite sex- even if I am gangly and neurotic (which I most surely will be).
So my hat is off to you Prof V., for getting out there and doing it! Loving and trusting and enjoying life. I didn’t think it was possible for him to be more of an inspiration, but he is. Just goes to show that grad school is more awesome than I could have thought!
Have a wonderful day! Get out there and do something fun!!
Monday, June 27, 2011
We All Need Subcategories - Even on Facebook
Facebook has changed the way people interact, bringing it to a level I don’t believe even Mark Zuckerberg could have imagined from his Harvard dorm room. And don’t kid yourself. For as much as we want to network and find jobs through our FB friends, we all use Facebook to flirt, check-up on exes, send secret love messages and find the dirt on our current crushes.
With all of the advancement in the world of social network stalking, one would think the landscape was full. However, as I get even more fully immersed in the facebook world, I have found a huge gap in interpersonal relations on the social website: Relationship Status.
Over time Facbook has expanded its relationship options. They offer Single, In A Relationship, Engaged, Married, It’s Complicated, In an Open Relationship, Widowed, Separated, Divorced, (and most recently) In a Civil Union, and In a Domestic Partnership. I believe they have most options covered. There is a difference between Separated and Divorced. There is a difference between In a Relationship and In an Open Relationship. And there is a difference between a Civil Union and Domestic Partnership. One huge hole in their categorizing is in the Single box. I feel there should be sub-categories that we can fill out, giving our prospective mates a clearer picture of where we are in our hearts.
Single should be broken down to the following categories, if not more.
Single:
- Have worked through all my issues. I’m ready.
- Just out of a relationship so stay away
- Just out of a relationship so come over and play
- Ready to mingle
- Looking for as many free meals as possible
- Looking for a long term, steady relationship
- NOT looking for a long term relationship
- Looking for my soul mate
- Don’t believe in soul mates, so call me
- Working on myself
- Past the point of caring whether I ever find love or not
Now that I think of it, there are some other sub-categories that come up for the other status options.
Separated:
- In the first stages- trying to see if this is what we both want
- In the first stages- I still love them
- In the first stages- they still love me
- In therapy
- I’m ready to move on but we still share custody of the cat. And the flat-screen.
- They're ready to move on but I'm using the cat as collateral
- A few months in and I’m ready for a divorce already
- A few months in and I’m not ready to change my status to single yet
Divorced:
- And happy
- And I hate all things relationship, including this question
- And I still cry in our pillow each night
- And missing my ex
- And sleeping with my ex
- And still working through the possessions so be ready for long talks about how they did me wrong
In A Relationship:
- My gf/bf pressured me into this
- It’s serious and we’re moving to the engaged box next
- But I’m looking for a way out
- But I’m sleeping with my ex
- But I’m gay so don’t tell my “gf”
- I haven't changed my status yet because I hope my ex changes their mind.
- I’m lying and just want to appear like someone loves me
Of course, part of the dating game is finding the answers to these questions on our own. We need a little mystery in our lives. So for now I’ll just leave the Relationship Status portion blank and see where life takes me. Who knows, as I date more I might find even more categories. So why limit myself?
With all of the advancement in the world of social network stalking, one would think the landscape was full. However, as I get even more fully immersed in the facebook world, I have found a huge gap in interpersonal relations on the social website: Relationship Status.
Over time Facbook has expanded its relationship options. They offer Single, In A Relationship, Engaged, Married, It’s Complicated, In an Open Relationship, Widowed, Separated, Divorced, (and most recently) In a Civil Union, and In a Domestic Partnership. I believe they have most options covered. There is a difference between Separated and Divorced. There is a difference between In a Relationship and In an Open Relationship. And there is a difference between a Civil Union and Domestic Partnership. One huge hole in their categorizing is in the Single box. I feel there should be sub-categories that we can fill out, giving our prospective mates a clearer picture of where we are in our hearts.
Single should be broken down to the following categories, if not more.
Single:
- Have worked through all my issues. I’m ready.
- Just out of a relationship so stay away
- Just out of a relationship so come over and play
- Ready to mingle
- Looking for as many free meals as possible
- Looking for a long term, steady relationship
- NOT looking for a long term relationship
- Looking for my soul mate
- Don’t believe in soul mates, so call me
- Working on myself
- Past the point of caring whether I ever find love or not
Now that I think of it, there are some other sub-categories that come up for the other status options.
Separated:
- In the first stages- trying to see if this is what we both want
- In the first stages- I still love them
- In the first stages- they still love me
- In therapy
- I’m ready to move on but we still share custody of the cat. And the flat-screen.
- They're ready to move on but I'm using the cat as collateral
- A few months in and I’m ready for a divorce already
- A few months in and I’m not ready to change my status to single yet
Divorced:
- And happy
- And I hate all things relationship, including this question
- And I still cry in our pillow each night
- And missing my ex
- And sleeping with my ex
- And still working through the possessions so be ready for long talks about how they did me wrong
In A Relationship:
- My gf/bf pressured me into this
- It’s serious and we’re moving to the engaged box next
- But I’m looking for a way out
- But I’m sleeping with my ex
- But I’m gay so don’t tell my “gf”
- I haven't changed my status yet because I hope my ex changes their mind.
- I’m lying and just want to appear like someone loves me
Of course, part of the dating game is finding the answers to these questions on our own. We need a little mystery in our lives. So for now I’ll just leave the Relationship Status portion blank and see where life takes me. Who knows, as I date more I might find even more categories. So why limit myself?
What would you add?
Friday, December 3, 2010
Santa Palooza Day 3 – Love Actually
– Rated PG-13, 135 minutes Some sexual situations and bad words
I was aware of this movie when it came out, but for some reason I didn’t rush out to see it. Years went by and it became a staple for people. And yet, I had no interest. I think the trailer pushed me away. I just didn’t like the feel of it. Maybe I felt it was too busy or something along those lines. Two years ago I was talking to one of my best friends and he mentioned that it was his favorite movie. Well that sold it for me. We sat down and watched it and it has been a holiday staple ever since. I love that it is set in England and I can pretend to be part of an international love story. It doesn’t hurt that the people are beautiful and the colors literally pop off the screen.
This movie reminds me of the person I love and would not live without. He LOVES this movie and through that love I have come to love it as well. This movie reminds me of us sitting, holding each other, and watching it, knowing that we are lucky enough to have this moment and each other.
But more than just my love, it’s a love story for every relationship I’ve ever been in. And every relationship I will be in. Because relationships come and they go. And we would be ignorant to think our lives are not marked with the passage of time and with it the change time brings. There is a piece of me in every story in this movie. Just like there is a piece of everyone. We have all loved. We have all lost. We have all been at the end of our rope, ready to throw in the towel of relationships and just live with our pizza and beer. But we get through it and we remember that there is love at the end of every tunnel. And the pain and effort is always worth it.
It’s not everyone’s plan to get married and have babies. Many of us enjoy our single life and thrive in only dealing with our personal schedules. But no one can live without love. No one can live without touch and passion and caring and excitement and the knowledge that there is someone out there who cares whether you live or die, whether you call or not, and whether you’ll be home for dinner or not.
Love is easy. Love is difficult. But more than anything, love is vital. I hope everyone out there has someone to love this holiday season. Not necessarily a romantic love. The love of a baby, a sibling, a friend or even a four footed companion is all we need to get through the cold lonely nights of winter.
Happy Holidays!
I was aware of this movie when it came out, but for some reason I didn’t rush out to see it. Years went by and it became a staple for people. And yet, I had no interest. I think the trailer pushed me away. I just didn’t like the feel of it. Maybe I felt it was too busy or something along those lines. Two years ago I was talking to one of my best friends and he mentioned that it was his favorite movie. Well that sold it for me. We sat down and watched it and it has been a holiday staple ever since. I love that it is set in England and I can pretend to be part of an international love story. It doesn’t hurt that the people are beautiful and the colors literally pop off the screen.
This movie reminds me of the person I love and would not live without. He LOVES this movie and through that love I have come to love it as well. This movie reminds me of us sitting, holding each other, and watching it, knowing that we are lucky enough to have this moment and each other.
But more than just my love, it’s a love story for every relationship I’ve ever been in. And every relationship I will be in. Because relationships come and they go. And we would be ignorant to think our lives are not marked with the passage of time and with it the change time brings. There is a piece of me in every story in this movie. Just like there is a piece of everyone. We have all loved. We have all lost. We have all been at the end of our rope, ready to throw in the towel of relationships and just live with our pizza and beer. But we get through it and we remember that there is love at the end of every tunnel. And the pain and effort is always worth it.
It’s not everyone’s plan to get married and have babies. Many of us enjoy our single life and thrive in only dealing with our personal schedules. But no one can live without love. No one can live without touch and passion and caring and excitement and the knowledge that there is someone out there who cares whether you live or die, whether you call or not, and whether you’ll be home for dinner or not.
Love is easy. Love is difficult. But more than anything, love is vital. I hope everyone out there has someone to love this holiday season. Not necessarily a romantic love. The love of a baby, a sibling, a friend or even a four footed companion is all we need to get through the cold lonely nights of winter.
Happy Holidays!
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