The White Bikini Challenge- Chicago Style

My goal in Chicago is to get into grad school. But I would be remiss if I didn’t also talk about food and keep the long term goal in my head. And I’ll be honest, not much of what I ate in the windy city was good for me. Almost none of it, when it’s all laid out in front of me. But it was all hard earned and well worth it. So here is the breakdown of what I ate during my trip to Chicago. I thought it would be easier to just dedicate an entire blog to food than try to add it in with all the other crazy stories about auditions. I took a lot of food with me on this trip because I’m trying to live within a budget. So I had a supply of Luna and Balance bars as well as pretzels, chips, trail mix and almonds. All food that doesn’t melt and will save me when the angry hunger monster appears.

Saturday- not gonna lie. This was not my finest day of eating. Breakfast was a cheese enchilada and a chicken burrito, with rice and beans. Then a tube of whole grain Pringles and a bag of dark chocolate covered pretzels. Yup- that was my entire food consumption for the day. Not a single vegetable.

Sunday- I did a little better. I had a Luna bar for breakfast and a cup of black tea. I was too nervous to eat anything before my audition so I just lived with the hunger pains that inevitably appeared about 5 minutes before I went in for my audition. Immediately afterwards I headed to Subway for a sandwich since they are a budget friendly $5. I had a foot long buffalo chicken on wheat with cheese and….wait for it….ranch dressing. And I ate the entire thing. For dinner I had a sushi roll from Trader Joe’s (grocery shopping, using a gift card, to save even more money) and a beer.

Monday- I had cheese and crackers for breakfast. And after my audition I had a pink sprinkled donut from Dunkin Donuts and a large iced coffee with vanilla. And an egg wrap. I had a beer for lunch and then went out for dinner at a French Bistro with my friend Penney. We had red wine, brie, ratatouille, white fish risotto, bread pudding and chocolate mousse. It was so good.

Tuesday- Cheese and crackers for breakfast again. (See, I am capable of eating what I bought from the store). Lunch was a Balance bar and a free muffin from the USC breakfast table. I was still too nervous to eat anything real. When auditions were done (yippee!) I headed straight to a deep dish pizza and a beer. I had a Chicago home brewery beer at the bar while I waited and then took my pizza home to my bed and enjoyed almost the entire thing. And a hand-filled cannoli, which might have been the best one I’ve eaten. A perfect food end to my stay.

And when it’s all said and done, I weighed myself this morning and I lost a pound during my time out there. Pizza, beer, Pringles and all! Lesson learned? Full nights of sleep and lots of walking (and NOT sitting my butt at a desk) can negate a poor diet……in a pinch.

The Path to Grad School- Day 1

Today I am in Chicago. I have been to Chicago several times in my life. In 2003 I ran my second marathon here. That’s where I met my friend Penney, a funny story I will write about in a different post. I returned in 2005 for a weekend away with my friend Cathy, meeting up with both Penney and my college friend Christine). In 2008 I came back for Penney’s wedding and in 2009 I ran a ½ marathon out here as part of my insane quest to get all the medals in the Rock n Roll series. So when I got off the plane today it felt like I was coming home. I knew my way around the airport, I knew which train to take to get to my hotel and I knew what to expect from the cold and the wind. And Chicago doesn’t disappoint.

I don’t know if it’s my frequent trips or if it’s my personality. I don’t know if it’s my life experience or just having gypsy blood. But every time I land in a city I immediately feel like I live there. I am comfortable. I can feel my way through the streets and take on the energy of the city. I truly feel like I’m home the moment I get off the plane, half expecting to head to my apartment. I felt this way through every leg of my Greece trip, even when we were only in cities for a night. I am at ease traveling and I enjoy it so much. I feel like I belong everywhere and am exactly where I should be. This trip to Chicago feels the same way.

I take the train into the city from Midway. I am thankful for my strong legs to bring me up and down the stairways (reminiscent of my days in NYC) and my strong arms to carry my suitcase. I exit at Chicago off the Red Line and head up into the streets and get my bearings. The city is gorgeous. It is blanketed in snow, white and pure and soft. A huge smile breaks across my face as I pull my cap down over my ears and start in the direction of my hotel. I love an adventure! I pass the historic water tower and before I turn left towards my hotel I look to the right, down Michigan Ave. It is too cold, and I am carrying too much luggage, to stop and window shop but I see Victoria’s Secret, Bloomingdales, Macy’s, H&M and so many wonderful high-end stores I feel compelled to enter. I don’t, though, knowing my bank account is barely handling this trip, let alone a pop in to Tiffany’s. I console myself with the idea of a warm bed at the end of my walk and I start dragging my suitcase to my hotel.

I am staying at the Hilton Suites, which is right next door to the Hancock Tower. I got the hotel through Priceline and I am so glad I did. The association I am auditioning through have a block of rooms at the hotel where the auditions are being held. I called a few months ago and booked a room, at the startling rate of $129. Which I know is not expensive for downtown Chicago. But I am in Chicago for four nights and it kind of hurt to think about paying over $600 just for the room. I put in a priceline bid for $50 at a 3.5 star in the same area and I got it. Whew! So the Hilton it is!

I check in, give them my Hilton Honors VIP number (here I come free night!) and head up to my room. It is so big! A one bedroom suite with a fridge and a microwave. A bath tub (not common in big city baths because of space), a desk for me to work on and a living room, complete with couch and television. But my favorite part? The king-sized bed with seven pillows and a view of Lake Michigan. I am in heaven.

Saturday is my “down time” day. I have nothing but time, so I set out unpacking and going through my ritual. I didn’t realize I had a ritual until I went to Greece and found that I did the same things in the same order every time I got to a new room. I stay in a LOT of hotels in my life. I love them more than I love my own apartment, and I definitely have a way I do things.

I walk around and see what there is, taking stock of what is around and what I’ll be using. I’m pleased to see a little vanity where I can get ready in the morning. It is just a cute little addition to the room and makes me smile. I pull the suitcase rack out of the closet and set it up in the living room. I never unpack my clothes in a hotel. I’m not sure why. I will unpack everything else, including toiletries and paperwork and even my shoes get taken out and lined up next to the door, but the clothes always stay in the suitcase. I unpack all my papers and put them on the desk. I take my toiletries into the bathroom and put everything where it goes. Nothing in drawers (in case I accidentally leave them) but everything gets laid out to be used.

When I have unpacked to my liking, and called my mom to tell her I made it safely, I throw myself onto the bed. Literally throw. Flop down on the gorgeous white sheets and start pulling all the pillows to me. I have already pulled the extra blanket out of the closet and I turn the television on. Within minutes I am asleep, using my downtime to its fullest. There is nothing better for me, before I head into the craziness of grad school auditions, than the sweet sleep that immediately envelopes me.

Well, nothing better than a nap and the entire tube of Whole Grain Pringles I eat four hours later when I wake up.

White Bikini Challenge- Thursday 3 Feb 2011

My current diet is like a great boyfriend, with husband potential, that I cheat on…..with carbs.

I am failing. There is no way around it. And I am hitting a major wall. I know I am only a few weeks in, and weight will go up and down. I know that this is a long term goal and I have allowed for a slow, healthy weight drop. But I am frustrated and I am not really sure what to do about it.

I am back to 172 lbs. Back where I was 3 weeks ago. Back above 170. Back where I hate to be. I KNOW it’s just a number. I feel fine. I am active and my body is working really well. But this number is what I am trying to get past. This number is what I am taking on as a challenge and trying to prove to myself I can do. This weight loss is about looking good, but it’s also about figuring out the “why” of things.

I read this article today about the link between our mentality and our ability to lose weight. One quote is stuck in my head: You cannot achieve your goal until you change your behavior. I reworded it so it is something I can say to myself (I cannot achieve MY goal until I change….) and it is a small glimmer of a new way of thinking. I hit upon this last year when I took stock of my life and where was headed. The idea being that we need to change our future. In order to do that we have to change our present, which is really our past. If I want a different future I need to change what I do NOW so that tomorrow I will have changed my past. This works in life goals and it works in weight loss goals.

I need to change my now.

This all makes perfect sense to me. It is logical and intricate and interesting. I love it. And yet I cannot seem to change my now. I am constantly derailed and so easily taken off my path. And I can justify it! And it’s driving me crazy.

I ate a donut this week. And more bagels than anyone should eat. I had two on Saturday, two on Tuesday, and two on Wednesday. Each with a healthy slathering of cream cheese. So it’s no wonder I have gained the weight back. I’m also drinking coffee, not sleeping and not working out. No real surprise why the pounds have come back. But instead of feeling revived that I know what the problem is and I can change it, I feel defeated and start to want to give up. I start to think "of course" and "why bother". I won’t give up, I’m too into it now. Plus if I throw the towel in I will have a legion of angry fans calling for my head. Or, just my four friends who read this telling me I can’t give up because I’m better than that.

I’m just thrown and lost and really frustrated. The White Bikini seems hopelessly far away and kind of stupid. It feels completely unattainable and not worth it.

I just have to work through this, figure out the WHY of what I’m doing and keep plugging along. We all have down days and we all get off track. (Did you live through the Bush years? Even a country can go off kilter for a while.) I have the rest of today to eat well and get my head on straight. I have a fun rehearsal tonight and I leave for Chicago in 42 hours. I have a lot of good. A few extra lbs can’t keep me from seeing all of that.

The difference between failure and success is perseverance

And you? Any stumbling blocks this week? Anything you’d like to feel down on yourself about so I can give you a virtual hug?

Harry Potter Pallooza 2011 – Party #1

So last year, after watching HP 7.1 at midnight with Eric, I had the idea that we should do our Harry Potter Parties again. In 2009, when movie 6 came out, we did a party for each movie and had a blast. I did some quick math and realized that movie 7.2 comes out in July, seven months into the year. With seven books, that gives us a book a month to read and then have the party. Eric loved the idea. And, thankfully, he has time to be on facebook so he got the ball rolling. He created a group, invited people and started booking volunteers to host all the parties. I was so excited to see it all come together. And to see how many people we know who love the books and want to party!

Tonight was the first of our seven Harry Potter Pallooza parties. It was a huge hit! There are some pictures on the bottom of this post. So many people came! We had Mrs. Figg, Aunt Petunia, James and Lily Potter, Gryffindor’s Head Boy, Luna, Prof Quirrell, Hermione, Hannah Abbot, a Slyrerin student and even one of the actors who got typed out at auditions. We had several muggles and many new additions to our celebrations.

Setting up the house is always my favorite part. Well, that and planning the entire party. I spent hours online researching what to serve and ideas for decorations. I read about other HP parties and what worked and what didn’t. I love that it’s a group effort and people always have awesome ideas. Greg, Chase and I co-hosted this party and we used their house for the main event. It’s perfect because it’s filled with dark wood and arched hallways. Greg bought Hogwarts House Colors lights for outside and we just replaced the blubs from the Christmas lights that were still up. Since we are also doing next month’s party it works out perfectly. Then we used some of the lanterns they had at their wedding and put candles in them for outside to set the mood even more. It was awesome!

Inside, the house crests were up on the walls and a day by day calendar of all that happened in the first year. We set up a Honeydukes (the candy shop in Hogsmeade) and had Dumbledore Lemonheads, Fizzing Whizbees, Bernie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, Golden Galleons, Cauldron Cakes and Pumpkin Pasties (complete with cinnamon whipped cream, which was stupid amazing). It was so cool. Everyone brought plenty of snacking foods and no one went home hungry. To drink we had sangria and Butterbeer. Such a wonderful night.

I have it worked into my monthly budget to purchase the Ultimate Harry Potter Blu-Ray for each movie that is out. So next week I get to buy movie 2! It is completely worth it. I have all the movies on DVD but the extended-ultimate Blu-Ray is sooooo much better! The movie is the extended version, and there are STILL scenes that you can watch in the special features section. There is a “Making of” documentary for each movie as well as games, interactive online things and every TV spot that was ever done for each movie as well as all the trailers and teasers that were ever made. It’s really quite amazing.

Watching the movie on Blu-Ray was awesome. The picture was clear and clean and so gorgeous. Having the extended scenes included into the running of the movie made it even more fun for those of us who have seen the movie many, many times. They were like little surprises. And we were all rolling with laughter at the new stuff. It was so worth it. I had just finished reading the book and it was really neat to see the scenes that were originally cut out of the movie get put back in. It made for a longer movie, but even truer to the book than the original is. Made reading the book worth it! Now I get to start on book #2!

I think my lasting memory of tonight will be how utterly happy I was. The entire night. I was surrounded by people I truly loved and enjoyed spending time with. I was watching a movie that I love. I love to plan parties and having this one go off without a hitch was a true gift. I had a smile on my face the entire time. I found myself constantly stopping, looking around and saying “I am so happy”. There was nowhere else I wanted to be at that moment. I felt lucky. I felt blessed. I felt loved and I was truly happy. Those moments are what all the awful things make survivable.

I already miss everyone. Good thing our next movie is in three weeks.

And you? Do you like HP? Do you read them? Favorite or least favorite thing about book 1?

White Bikini Challenge- Friday 1/28/11

This week I have been a hot mess of not eating well. We started rehearsals for Anything Goes on Monday and I got measured for costumes. This makes for the second time I was measured this week and the measurement was the same both times. So there is a good thing in that. And when she pulls costumes and measures me again in a month, I will be even smaller. And there is good in that. And more motivation. I managed to fit in a few workout sessions in between work and rehearsal, but I have to do that every day to make up for the morning run I’m not getting in. Plus it’s a good warm up for rehearsal and keeps me focused and mentally here. If I don’t get my runs I start to feel like a caged animal. Or a border collie who needs to get out there and just RUN!

I went to the grocery store on Tuesday night, complete with list and good intentions. And I kept to both. I stayed within my list and my food goals. Less processed, less meat and dairy, and all foods that will keep for a while. I always want more fresh foods, but I knew with my schedule I was going to have to think more long term. So lots of lean cuisine, lots of frozen veggies and a protein bar for my drive every morning. I also bought cereal, which is the only thing I’m not proud of. I haven’t have cereal in my house in months and now I remember why. It’s too easy to eat. Too easy to lose track of measurements and too easy to have another bowl. I bought the good kind – Multigrain and Total- but they are still high calorie cereals that need to not be in my world. I will eat the ones I bought, but lesson learned. No cereal in my house. It’s too dangerous! I can say no to ice cream, pie, pudding and truffles. But a bowl of cereal? Gotta have it!

Along those lines is the timing of my cereal meal. With rehearsals going strong I am getting home at 11p or later and am starving. So I have a bowl of cereal. Not a good idea. I like the comforting carb coma I go into afterwards and it puts me right to sleep. But it is not a good thing for my body so I need to curb that. Stick to my goal of no barbs after I leave work. One more guideline!

So here we are on Friday. I started drinking coffee again, which I’ve gone all month without needing, I’m eating late into the night and I’m not getting more than 6 hours of sleep a night. Oh and my morning runs have fallen off the schedule. I need to re-evaluate. This is the first week of rehearsals and I am getting back on the wagon and into a new routine. I have to plan my food even better, MAKE time for runs and keep hydrated since I am not sleeping enough. I can do this.

Especially since this the role I’ve wanted for over 10 years. I am not going to throw it away by not taking care of myself!

How about you? How was your week?

White Bikini Challenge- Monday 1/24/11 and Cheat Day #2

Monday Morning weight- 167 Down 7 lbs since Dec 28, 2010

I am on course for my July goal- but these first ones are the “easy” pounds. It’s all holiday water and crap weight that my body hasn’t had for very long. Once I hit under 165 I’ll start to have to work harder since my body LOVES that weight and really wants to stay there. I might find 160 is where my body functions at its best. And as long as I’m eating whole foods and keeping my fat percentage down, I will eventually not care about a number. I’ll just live where my body likes to live. But for the sake of this year I am going for the big goal. I will not be deterred!

On Saturday I had to go get measured and fitted for a bridesmaid dress. The result: Chest 44 Waist 33 Hips 43. Not brilliant but totally workable. The sales woman nicely told me I had the measurements of a fashion model because I was ten inches different from waist to hip. That made me laugh. But I took the compliment and thought about being a high powered fashion model throughout the rest of the fitting. That thought is also what kept me from stopping and getting frozen yogurt that afternoon. We ordered the dress and I knew that when I came back in May for my fitting it was going to have to be taken in. She said they are able to take in up to six sizes, so I’m safe.

I then had a massage client, which went really well (further confirming that I need to be doing that instead of office work). I needed a snack afterwards. I was famished! Standing in the middle of the AM/PM I was seriously torn about what to eat. I LOVE the packaged sandwiches at gas stations. I like the breaded chicken and the jalapeño and cheese corn dogs. But that love is what put me in this situation, so I knew I had to say no to those. I also didn’t want to eat crap anymore. I wanted whole foods and good for me foods. I must have walked through that AM/PM for 15 minutes, battling about what I was going to eat. A sandwich? Fritos and bean dip (my “healthy” gas station food since there are no preservatives in Fritos.)? Ice cream? Just a cup of coffee? I went through everything. Keep in mind I am also always on a budget so the .99$ hotdog was incredibly tempting, if only for my pocketbook.

But I decided my waist was more important than my retirement fund and I went with a package of plain almonds and a water. Both very good decisions and I felt smart about my dinner.

Then I drove to Vegas. I ate well on the way out there, stopped and got a chicken gyro which was really filling. Went for a run Sunday morning and had tuna salad for breakfast. I was really proud of myself for keeping my eye on the prize- the buffet dinner, my “cheat” meal. Headed to my audition at 1:30, which is what I had been stressing about for months. I needed to be skinny for this! And I knew going into it that I wasn’t skinny enough. Well all that stress was unfounded. I sang well and they ended up not keeping any singers. So off my friend and I went to Sahara for $1 hotdogs and $1 beers. And my night of eating waaaaay too much began. We hit the hotdogs and the beer and then we went to the buffet. Yes- a buffet while on a diet. Not my finest moment. But I went because it’s Vegas and I wanted it. And I ate and I ate and I ATE. And I enjoyed every moment of it.

So here we are at the start of another week. How was your weekend? How are you doing with your resolutions?

White Bikini Challenge- Friday 1/21/11

I have failed brilliantly this week at work. That's twice I have to chalk up a week to failure. Not the best way to go about changing my life. But maybe the lesson is that I am aware and am starting to see patterns and where I have problems. I'm learning and each new thing I learn is only going to move me forward, as long as I make changes. That is the biggest part. I have to make the changes.

I’m eating emotionally, eating to celebrate, eating because I’m bored and because I am really, really hungry. And the scale is reflecting this.

Last night I fell off the wagon with the trip to Buffalo Wild Wings. I ate fried everything and had a beer. Granted it was a light beer, but it still is not part of the “eat right so I can cheat on Sunday” plan. There is no alcohol allowed during the week! This was emotional eating, as I had just finished a really hard 4-hour callback for a part I really wanted. So I went to BWW at 11p at night with my friend Eric and ate over 1000 calories. I have a long weekend of running coming up, but there is no reason to sabatoge myself before I even get there! This is one of the reasons I need to focus on my cheat day. No more preemptively eating because I “plan” to go for a run. That is getting added to the goal list.

I also started reading Jillian Michael’s Master Your Matabolism and it is amazing. I love Jillian from both her Biggest Loser show and her Losing It With Jillian show she did last summer. This book is making me love her even more. She is smart. It’s an easy read and very interesting. Her passion for the subject comes through in every passage. I am learning even more about how our bodies work and what amazing machines they are. Motivates me to take even better care of it and get it running at it’s peak. If you can, check it out from the library and take it to heart. She has tons of research backing her up and decades of trial error experience.

And you? What is one of your favorite work-out books? Motivation books? Have a suggestion for me?