Inspiring Myself Sometimes

I ran my 15^th marathon yesterday, my 18^th race. And I still love it.

We started in Dodger stadium. I have a picture of me ON the field. It was awesome! Then met a great girl at the starting line named Tiffany who was also running with the RoadRunners. We ran together for a while. It was her first marathon and she was waaaay better trained for it than I was. I signed up for the LARR in September with the idea that I could get my best time in Los Angeles because I lived here and could train and wouldn’t have to fight jet lag or anything. Well, I was very wrong. The LARR train on Saturday mornings and usually that is a good time. Except when caroling season starts and every rehearsal is Saturday morning. The caroling season gets going and gigs go until 1a on Friday nights and the thought of waking up at 5:30 to run for 10 miles doesn’t appeal. Then I got cast in Merrily and that show rehearsed Saturday mornings at 9am. By the time the show opened there was only 4 more weeks of training left and I was exhausted by the show.

So my brilliant plan to train here in LA and rock the house with my run kind of went by the wayside. But I did finish. This year there was a new course and I really liked it. I have a goal to run a marathon in every state and one of every continent. I didn’t want to run LA because I drive these streets every day. Running on then seemed a little silly. And the old course used to just run through downtown and Hollywood. Not even a pretty course. This year was the 25^th annual race and they changed the course. I hope they keep this one.

It started at Dodger Stadium and wound down to Eagle Rock and Silver Lake area. It was pretty. Then through Hollywood and Beverly Hills. Then we got to run down Rodeo Drive. That might have been my favorite part. We then ran through the Wilshire district and then down into Santa Monica. We ran past iconic Hollywood/LA mainstays and it was really fun. I met a really nice woman named Tiffany at the starting line and ran with her for a while. She eventually ran ahead of me and met up with the pace group she had been training with. It was her first marathon and she seemed to do really well. She was my age and so bright and bubbly and really made my first third of the race a good experience. She made me smile. And seemed interested in running again so hopefully I’ll get to run with her again.

It took me over 6 hours to finish this race, not what I wanted. I wanted to finish in under 5:30, under 5 hours would have been ideal. I want to prove that I can do it! I want to make that next goal and beat my time. I know I can do it. I have this big goal and I’m going to meet it.

There are other little tidbits from yesterday. I have been nauseous fairly consistently for almost 2 weeks now. Started on March 9^th and has been going ever since. I can’t really eat anything spicy or fiber rich. I feel sick to my stomach all the time and nothing looks good, nothing sounds good and nothing is even tempting. (I’m not pregnant.) So yesterday I was feeling very poor and got to vomit into a porta-potty. I have to say, not even remotely on my top ten list of things I want to do again. It was disgusting.

My ad’s mile is mile 24, that’s his birthday. Last April, in Nashville, I listened to the same song the entire mile. “Life in a Northern Town”. I cried, I sang along, I looked crazy as I worked through some of the pain of his death. In May when I ran San Diego that song played at mile 24. And in Seattle it played again at mile 24. I didn’t really register that it was all on the same mile. My iPod is on shuffle and I figured I was just more aware because by mile 24 you’re not really thinking straight. Then yesterday I crossed into mile 24 and the song came on. I realized that he must be doing it. It’s his mile and he wants me to hear that song. It keeps me moving and it allows me to cry. And boy do I cry. I cry for the pain, for the loss of him, for the physical pain of having walked for 5+ hours, for my life, for missing him, for him not being here anymore. It is very cathartic and so personal.

Maybe that’s why I do this. I feel so selfish when I run. I don’t usually run for a charity (Although that is going to change this year. All my runs will be in honor of someone or for a charity). It takes me a long time to do them and I’m usually alone. I find my racing selfish. I kind of felt like a sham yesterday. Had a little pity party. Then I look at the people who go out and run because they see it’s possible. I have so many friends running a race this year. Ja is putting together a run in June. Erin is running in Sept. Three of my Merrily people are running in May. Heather and Mona are running in NYC in April. ALM is doing their main race in October and I know Kiersten and Jessica and all the ALMers will be there. These are my friends, my people, who are getting out there and pushing themselves to do something they didn’t think they could.

Maybe it’s not selfish. I want to live a good life and change the world for better. I want my time here to make a difference. And perhaps one purpose of mine is to motivate people to push themselves and prove that they can do it. That they shouldn’t say “never” because that limits them.

The LA Marathon was awesome. I am really glad I did it and am so thankful to all my friends who supported me through facebook and texting. My life is better because of racing, because of my friendships and because this is a great time to be alive.