Just when I thought this job wouldn’t make me laugh or tickle anything other than the unnerving thought that I’m wasting my life, I have a day like today which reminds me that the humor of life is found in the offices. Here are some of the “seriously??!!?” moments from my day today. Trust me, these things all actually happened.
- One of the assistants from the regional office called me down to the conference room to ask me how to turn the lights on.
- At around 10:30a the email system shut down and people emerged from their offices in a panic because they couldn’t email anyone. The IT director, who has an office on my floor, actually said “I’ll call the help desk.” You’re HEAD of the Help Desk!
- There is a mother and father duck who have decided to make our koi pond their spring home and have their babies here. It’s not good for the koi since apparently ducks like to eat fish. So, the duck/bird society was called to see what we should do, an email went out to everyone and it was the topic of discussion at the monthly leadership meeting this morning. I heard one exec down the hall say, “People eat chicken for lunch. Why is there such a stink about these ducks?”
- By midnight tonight the performance reviews are due from all the managers. This afternoon I was handed a list of managers who haven’t completed their reviews, which consists of them checking a box with their electric signature and then sending it on to the next level. Me, an assistant who has NO seniority at all in this hospital, had to call upper level management and remind them to do their job.
- Someone called in and said, “I see conference room 1 is open from 11-12p tomorrow. Is the conference room open then?”
- I sit in the “I don’t want to do it, go ask Amie” chair, so I was tasked with helping one of the other assistants with a project. I spend a majority of my days right now scanning large documents and then uploading them onto an intraweb site. (You know you want to be me right now.) I am also on the planning committee to help with the huge week-long celebration in May. The assistant I’m scanning for told the other assistant (on the planning group with me) that she would let her “borrow me” if needed. Borrow me? Like cattle? Or an iron? If I’m being treated like property I think there should be jewelry involved.
- As I sit staring at the computer I overhear the following-
“What are you doing?”
“Waiting”
“Waiting? What, are you a waiter now? This place doesn’t tip well” (This conversation actually happened.)
All this and more could be yours for the small price of signing your life away for 40 hours a week.
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