Epic fail this week so far. This is what I mean about life putting obstacles in our way and testing our diet resolve. I went to Disneyland and ate their dark chocolate honeycomb. I couldn’t resist. It’s like my kryptonite. Even telling myself three times that I could have it on the following Sunday didn’t help. What did I learn? Don’t buy it! I was fine just looking at it and remembering what it tasted like. I was fine walking through the store and smelling it. I really didn’t need to eat it. So, lesson learned for me. Don’t buy it and then say I’ll eat it later. I am not that strong yet!
I had a nice bbq turkey sandwich for lunch with an iced tea and no dessert. So that was good. And it kept me full for the rest of the day. I went to my callback and wasn’t hungry until afterwards. And then I fell down the tunnel again. Here is the ugly truth: I stopped and I got a donut. I am ashamed to even type this because I want to believe I am stronger than the donut and stronger than the temptation. But sometimes I am not. And last night I was not. I had just poured my heart throughout a three hour callback and I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. Plus after all that I didn’t get the part and was sent home. That's no excuse, but it does show me my emotional state when I jumped head first off the wagon. So on the way home, I drove past a donut shop. I have driven by this donut shop so many times and I decided that I needed to boost myself up.
I know- not smart. I can’t salve my loss of anything with food. That’s not smart. I knew this whole thing was a bad idea. And I KNEW it as I drove past it. I knew it as I turned the car around and pulled in. I knew it as I stood there in line, waiting. I knew it as I ordered and they didn’t have the one I wanted. Even as I sat in the car with the bag, I knew I shouldn’t eat them. (Because I didn’t get just one. Oh no, I got two!) I bit into the apple fritter, wanting so badly for it to be as good as I knew it was bad for me. It was NOT. It was a hockey puck! So I put it down and I tried the other one. Also awful! So I put them both down in the bag and squashed them up so I wouldn’t be tempted to eat them.
I failed on Monday. I succeeded in that I didn’t eat the entire donut. I succeeded in that I didn’t have fast food or a soda or anything else bad for me. But I failed in not using food to make me feel better.
The lesson I learned? LISTEN TO MY GUT! Even as it gets smaller, I need to listen to when I know something is good or bad for me. That is when I’m going to be okay with the decision and know it was the right one.
1 comment:
Ok, but YOU DIDN'T EAT THE DONUTS!!! I know, they were bad donuts, but still. There have been days that I would have eaten them - even if they were bad. Ad you've probably had those days too.
That is a HUGE step forward. Brava, Amie!! Brava for smooshing them up and NOT eating them.
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